AITA for not changing my wedding date?

A wedding date meant to honor a lost friend turned into a family tug-of-war. A 24-year-old bride-to-be, thrilled to secure her dream venue and dress for a day tied to her late best friend’s birthday, faced a curveball when her cousin announced her own wedding on the exact same day. The cousin’s refusal to budge, coupled with demands that the bride change her plans, sent shockwaves through their family, leaving their great-grandmother caught in the middle.

This Reddit saga captures the emotional stakes of wedding planning when family loyalty and personal meaning collide. The bride’s stand, followed by her reluctant decision to shift her date, raises questions about fairness and compromise. Was she wrong to hold her ground at first, or was her cousin’s move a selfish play? Let’s dive into her story and Reddit’s take.

‘AITA for not changing my wedding date?’

My fiancé (23 m) and I (24 f) got engaged in April. We picked out a very special day to honor my best friend who passed away last year (his birthday). Everyone in my family new about our engagement and they were excited for us.

Several months passed and we were able to get the wedding venue we want and I was even able to find the dress of my dreams. It seemed liked everything was going smoothly , until my cousin (24 f) got engaged. At first I didn't think too much about it, I was just happy for her.

A few days after their announcement I get a call from my mom and she told me that my cousin picked the exact same day and refuse to change it. When we asked why she said ,' I refuse to get married before my (other) cousin and that is the soonest we can get married.

I am not changing mine so she (me) will just have to change it.' This has been going on for a few weeks and my mom has lost sleep over it. My dad is at the point of cutting all contact with them and every time I think about it I get sick. It really bothers everyone that she values one family member over the other.

The worst part is my great grandma now has to decide if she going to my wedding or hers. If this day didn't mean so much to me I would have caved and changed the date. But I had my wedding date picked out first, and everything is already paid for including my wedding dress. AITA?.

Edit: After five days of being engaged she is 'claiming' that she already paid for her church rental and venue rental. Her parents keep saying they will work it out so that we can both get married the same day (meaning they are expecting me to get married at 8 am so she can get married at 2 pm.. Even after explaining the importance of this day she refuses to change it..

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Update: I just got off the phone with my great grandma, and she is holding lit that someone will change dates. My mom also informed me that my aunt and uncle (her parents) are expecting me to change the date of my wedding and with in the next couple days I will be getting blown up with threats if I don't change the date..

UPDATE: I am now pondering to move the wedding 1 day forward. Since her pastor won't do weddings on Friday's due to the church being reserved for a study group. This also honors my friend because him and I were very petty.

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It also allows my grandma to go to both weddings and will give my immediate family an excuse to not go to her wedding because we will be too tired. I dont want to move my wedding date but as I dont want to cause any more stress on my grandma, since she is very old a fragile. I just dont think she can take any more stress..

Edit: She refuses to have one plus none of the priests in our area do friday weddings

FINAL UPDATE: My fiance and I have decided to change the wedding day forward. After weighing the pros and cons we have decided that's for the best. After speaking with my great grandmother today I couldn't let her worry any more than she already is.

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I love the idea of having our wedding in the 22, but it isnt worth the worry and stress that my grandma is going through. At the end of the day I want nothing more than to just get married to my significant other, so the date changing isnt going to effect my end goal. Thank you all for taking my side and helping me come to the final conclusion.

Wedding planning can feel like navigating a family minefield, especially when dates overlap. This bride’s choice to honor her late friend with her wedding date was deeply personal, but her cousin’s decision to claim the same day—and demand she change—turned joy into drama. The bride’s eventual shift forward shows compassion, but the conflict reveals deeper family tensions.

The cousin’s refusal to compromise suggests a need for control. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Conflicts over family events often stem from unspoken power struggles”. The cousin’s claim of prior bookings, despite a recent engagement, feels manipulative, especially given the bride’s established plans. A 2022 survey by The Knot found 65% of couples face family pressure during wedding planning, often over logistics like dates.

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The great-grandmother’s distress highlights the ripple effect of such disputes. The bride’s initial resistance was justified—she booked first—but her cousin’s insistence on prioritizing another family member’s timeline over hers was unfair. The bride’s compromise prioritizes family harmony, but it shouldn’t have been necessary.

Advice: The bride should communicate her reasons clearly to family, emphasizing the date’s meaning, and send save-the-date cards promptly. Family counseling could address underlying rivalries.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up support and some spicy shade for this wedding date showdown. Here’s a glimpse at their unfiltered takes:

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TheBestPeter − NTA. You had the date first. She can’t push you off it.. Any drama is her doing, not your doing. F**k her.

Sea-Tea-4130 − NTA-It is what it is. You have a date you selected it first. You have invested in a venue, dress, etc. Continue with your plans, send out your save the dates and have a great wedding. Your dad doesn't need to cut off family yet, your mom doesn't need to lose sleep, and you shouldn't get sick thinking of it.

Instead of cutting them off, you all need to be proactive in showing everyone that you're above this fuckery your cousin is doing. Send out the save the date and have your parents start sharing with your family (that you intend to invite) why you chose the date you did and when you chose it so that everyone knows you had the date first.

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Hop on social media (you and your fiance) and share why the date of your wedding is so very important and how excited you are that you've reserved venue, etc. Let your great grandma know how important it is for her and your family to attend your wedding. Say absolutely nothing about the cousin's wedding.

If family brings it up the cousin, say while you're disappointed your cousin knowingly chose your wedding date as hers, you wish her marriage well. If the cousin or her parents try to talk to you and your parents (in person, phone, text or social media) regarding the wedding date, simply don't respond to them.. Have the best wedding and the best day!

HowardProject − NTA - and unfortunately you're about to find out whether your extended family is going to be supportive of you due to having chosen the date first or whether they are going to support her temper tantrum.

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AL_Photo − NTA, you are financially invested already and on the hook already if you cancel. Cousin is being bratty.

BringAllOfYou − NTA. You set your date first. End of story. She's welcome to have hers on the same day, but has to accept that she's may not have ask the guests she wants. She's also not allowed to punish you for the situation. Don't let anyone continue this conversation with you. 'The chosen date is very important to me and it will not be changing. I appreciate your support in not talking about it further'.

PetuniaGoBlue − NTA. No rational person would do what she did or agree with her. Also, you might want to put “save the date” cards in the mail ASAP because I’d bet money she plans to do just that in order to snake unsuspecting guests away from you.

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Maleficent_Ad_3958 − NTA. Do not give in to terrorism. She's pulling a stupid power play and frankly should be punished by having nobody show up at her wedding because I want to be a guest, not a g**damn PAWN.

HousingAggressive752 − NTA for the very reason you stated, you selected the date first. Quick send out your save the date cards.

Marc21256 − NTA. Keep your date and time. If you are 'forced' to change times, show up to her 2 p.m. wedding in your wedding dress, and claim you didn't have time to change.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - her reasoning is weird & extremely creepy. Yours is sweet and heartfelt, and like you said - everything has been paid for. Do not change your dates, and if you inform your extended family of what happened and they choose your cousin's wedding, that's pretty sick if you ask me.

These Reddit reactions cheer the bride’s stand but roast the cousin’s antics. Do they nail the family dynamic, or is there more to this date drama?

This wedding date clash shows how fast family ties can tangle over something as simple as a calendar square. The bride’s heartfelt choice to honor her friend collided with her cousin’s stubborn grab for the same day, stressing their loved ones. Her decision to move her wedding forward was a graceful dodge, but it stings when fairness takes a backseat. Have you faced a family feud over event plans? What would you do to keep the peace? Share your stories below!

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