AITA for “not catering to dietary restrictions”?

Imagine a sunny afternoon, the air thick with the sweet scent of freshly baked goods wafting from a cozy kitchen. Our 36-year-old host, a baking enthusiast, pours her heart into perfecting baklava—layers of flaky pastry and nuts—for a neighborhood shindig. With kids in the mix, she whips up chocolate chip cookies too, a safe, crowd-pleasing treat for picky little palates, including her own 4-year-old’s finicky tastes. The table’s set, the vibe’s warm, and feedback’s on the horizon!

Then, a twist! A neighbor calls, flagging his wife’s nut allergy and begging for a nut-free baklava. Our baker, cool as a cookie, offers her nut-free backup plan, but he pushes harder. Party day arrives, and a fib fuels frustration—accusations fly, and suddenly, her thoughtful spread feels like a battlefield. Was she wrong to stick to her guns, or is this a case of neighborly nonsense gone too far?

‘AITA for “not catering to dietary restrictions”?’

I (36F) hosted a small gathering yesterday for the families on our street. I love baking and I've been trying to perfect baklava as of late, so I whipped some up for the party to gather feedback. Lots of these families have kids as well, so I made some homemade chocolate chip cookies too,

since I know how picky kids can be (my 4 year old son's a bit of a nightmare, haha) and thought that it would probably be a safer and more familiar option for them. One neighbor called me the night before to inform me that his wife has a nut allergy. I told him that was no problem, I'd be making chocolate chip cookies too and she was welcome to eat those instead.

He went on about how much his wife really wanted to try the baklava, and asked if I could prepare some kind of nut-free variation for her. I explained to him that the nuts are a pretty important component of the dessert and making it without them would just be like eating dough.

I also explained to him that baklava is very time and labor-consuming to make, and I don't think that there would be enough people to justify making an entire separate batch. I reminded him again that I would be making chocolate chip cookies, completely nut free and that those took a lot less time to make, so I could easily make multiple batches throughout the gathering if I needed to.

He and wife show up to the party and when I bring out the baklava tray, he eyes me before pulling me aside to ask why I hadn't made nut-free baklava for his wife. I reminded him that I never said I was going to do that, but she was welcome to help herself to the cookies. He then accused me of not caring about his wife's dietary restrictions, or not caring if she dies.

I told him that I did care, and that was why I was willing to let her have some cookies, even though I had mostly made them for the kids. He went on about 'well she doesn't want cookies, she was looking forward to the baklava'. Yeah turns out he told her that I'd be making a separate nut-free batch.

I pulled the wife aside and explained to her that I never said I'd be doing that, her husband made that up. She helped herself to a cookie but seemed a bit disappointed.. Should I have just sucked it up and made a nut-free one?

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Baking for a crowd is a juggling act—tasty treats, time, and now, a neighbor’s curveball! Our host, elbows deep in baklava’s nutty layers, faced a plea for a nut-free twist. She held firm, offering cookies instead, only to be blindsided by a husband’s tall tale. It’s a classic clash: her practical limits versus his lofty expectations, with a dash of miscommunication for spice.

Allergies are serious business—about 6% of U.S. adults have food allergies, per the CDC (source). Baklava, a nut-packed delight, isn’t easily tweaked without losing its soul. Our baker prioritized safety with cookies, a fair move. The husband’s fib, though, stirred the pot, leaving his wife deflated.

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Dr. Scott Sicherer, an allergy expert, notes, “Communication is key—hosts aren’t obligated to customize dishes, but guests should clarify needs early” (Food Allergy Research & Education, source). Here, the neighbor’s assumption derailed things. Our host wasn’t careless—she offered a safe option! Next time, guests could bring a dish or chat directly. For hosts, a quick allergy poll pre-party helps.

Advice? She could nod to the wife’s letdown with a smile: “Sorry it didn’t work out—hope the cookies hit the spot!” For guests, speak up calmly—bypass the middleman. Check sites like FoodAllergy.org for tips. A little clarity, and this pastry pickle could’ve been a sweet win!

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit squad’s serving hot takes, and they’re crispy with wit! From “nut-free baklava? Good luck!” to “husband’s the real nut here,” the crowd’s got our baker’s back. Dig into these zesty nuggets below and giggle at the absurdity.

Still_Pie_6331 - Nta and now I have to look up but nut-free baklava because I can’t wrap my mind around how that is even possible.

dramaandaheadache - I don't know how to make baklava. I just know that the inside of it is like 99% nuts. Like your neighbors.. NTA

mountaingoat05 - NTA. Nuts are a key component of baklava. If it was her birthday and she specifically asked you to do this as a birthday gift, that would be one thing. The husband here was an enormous ass for expecting you to do this, and telling his wife you were going to when you specifically said you weren't.

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girl_supersonicboy - NTA. 1) the husband lied to his wife. So he got her hopes up. Not you.. 2) you are not entitled to cater to others.. Eta: since some of you are so high strung about it with your messages to me: entitled = required.. Excuse me for my a.d.d brain moment

lickykicky - Of course you're NTA. This is daft. Baklava is made with nuts and it's quite hard work. I can't fathom what the nut-free alternative would be and it's worth noting that the neighbour had no suggestions, just expected you to sort it out. The neighbour is an ass and just went looking for a problem.

It's not as though there were no options for his wife. She never actually asked you herself either, and had little to say about it when the mythical nut-free baklava didn't materialize - that suggests that he made a fuss and embarrassed her, and she's probably used to it.. Edit: seeds and fruits can go in it, apparently. The more you know! Still NTA

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salukiqueen - I don’t get why he told his wife you would after you very clearly said you wouldn’t. Like what, you’d change your mind? NTA this is some choosy beggar b**lshit (except not his wife)

[Reddit User] - I have a nut allergy, I've always been curious what baklava, but I'm allergic to nuts so I don't eat it and I know baklava without nuts is just flakey pastry dough. I would just have a chocolate chip cookie and say thank you. NTA.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Nut-free... baklava? Really? Also, what a low thing for him to have done, to have lied to her. People who can't comprehend the word 'no' bother me.

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roselle3316 - NTA. They can provide the items and compensate you for your time if they want it that badly. Edit: They get what the pay for too. You told him it would basically be dough. If they want it even after that, that's on them.

CassandraCole - NTA - I'm surprised she can even be married to him with her allergy cuz he's clearly a nut.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe our host dodged a doughy disaster, or perhaps a pinch of flexibility could’ve saved the day—either way, it’s a recipe for debate!

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Our baker’s tale ends with a tray of baklava, a batch of cookies, and a heap of hurt feelings. She aimed to please, but a neighbor’s fib turned her spread into a showdown. Allergies matter, yet so does a host’s bandwidth—did she strike the right balance, or miss a chance to shine? Perhaps a clear chat could’ve cooled this kitchen clash. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your recipes for peace, hosting wins, or neighborly fixes—let’s stir up some thoughts!

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