AITA for not carrying an old woman’s bags on the train?
Picture a crisp morning in a bustling American city, where a 23-year-old software engineer hops on his usual train, earbuds in, mind racing toward a make or break client meeting. The stakes are high his project deadline looms, and a misstep could ripple to patients and his healthcare company. It’s a routine ride, until an elderly woman boards, weighed down by a mountain of bags, her voice soon cutting through his music with a plea for help.
The scene shifts as eyes turn to our commuter, the only man aboard, while the woman demands aid to a bank a hefty walk away. He politely declines, tied to his tight schedule, and sparks fly glares, whispers, and a sharp jab about respect. Reddit’s alive with this clash of duty and deadlines, and we’re diving into the fray!
‘AITA for not carrying an old woman’s bags on the train?’
![I \[23 M\] live in a moderately sized American city. I ride the train to and from work every day due to not having a car and it being overall cheaper. During these train rides I like to listen to music. I don't like to talk to people as it is normally early in the morning.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/262491-01.png)
Dr. Robert Brooks, a clinical psychologist, argues that helping others is admirable, but personal boundaries are key. He notes that a 30-minute detour for a stranger’s bags, especially with a critical work meeting at stake, exceeds reasonable expectations. Brooks emphasizes that declining politely, as this man did, respects one’s own responsibilities without dismissing kindness.
Sociologist Dr. Amy Wharton weighs in, highlighting how societal norms often push men to take on physical tasks, like carrying bags, regardless of context. She points out that the train’s middle-aged women could’ve stepped up, and the expectation shouldn’t fall solely on one person. Wharton sees the glares as misplaced, reflecting outdated gender and age norms.
Relationship expert Dr. Laura Berman stresses that strangers aren’t entitled to your time, especially at a cost to your career. She views the elderly woman’s planning as her own burden—taxis or hired help exist for a reason. Berman notes the racial comment was unfair, and the man’s choice prioritized his livelihood over guilt.
Therapist Dr. Mark Travers advises learning from the tension: offering quick help, like bags to the platform, might ease friction, but a long trek isn’t owed. He suggests the passengers’ whispers reflect their own reluctance to act. Travers backs the man work mattered, and others could’ve pitched in instead of judging.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Reddit’s crowd rallies strong, mostly cheering the commuter’s call. They see his meeting as critical, not a flimsy excuse, and the woman’s bags as her own puzzle to solve. Judgment’s clear: no one’s your pack mule, and the glaring passengers could’ve teamed up to help. The vibe’s a mix of sass and sense—plan ahead, lady, and don’t guilt-trip!
![[Reddit User] − NTA. The old lady could have take a taxi and/or hired help for the day. Her problems are not your problems. And she obviously knew how to play the system; that is, how to appeal to the sympathies of strangers. You will note that if all those AHs judging you had helped, they could have got it done in short time.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/262491c-06.png)
This train tale rolls through duty, deadlines, and a dash of drama, with our commuter caught between a stranger’s need and a career-defining day. Reddit and experts lean toward his side, eyeing the bags and glares as others’ burdens to bear. It’s a lively mix of principle and pressure, begging your take. Toss your thoughts, stories, or advice below—what would you do if this rolled into your ride?
