AITA for not caring that my ex-wife had baby?

The ping of a new message broke the quiet joy of a new dad cradling his newborn son, Theo, in a sunlit nursery. But this wasn’t a friend’s warm congrats—it was his ex-wife, Emily, stirring up old wounds with her own baby news. Years after a messy divorce marked by her infidelity, this man found himself dodging Emily’s attempts to reconnect over their new roles as parents, while his sister’s loyalty to his ex sparked family tension.

Navigating post-divorce boundaries is tricky, especially when past betrayals linger like uninvited guests. His curt responses and eventual decision to block Emily have left readers wondering: is he wrong for keeping his ex at arm’s length, or is this a justified stand for peace? The Reddit community has plenty to say, and the drama unfolds with a mix of heartbreak and defiance.

‘AITA for not caring that my ex-wife had baby?’

So I (31M) got married to Emily (31F) when we were 20, we separated at 26 and our divorce was finally finalised at 28. It was incredibly drawn out and messy as there was infidelity on her part and she kept refusing to sign papers and wanting to work on our marriage even though she was still with the guy she was cheating with.

I checked out as soon as she told me and just wanted to get divorced. It finally happened and I then started dating my current girlfriend Sandy (30F) a few months later. I should add, this marriage produced no kids. So about 6 months ago, I became a dad for the first time, yay!

Sandy and I had a little boy called Theo. I didn’t tell Emily this because frankly, why would I? I have no reason to have her in my life. My sister Grace (29) still is on good terms with Emily and I have no issue with that as long as I’m not involved. Anyway, I get a random message one day from Emily congratulating me on being a dad.

I figured Grace probably told her which was true and I found out Grace even sent pictures of my son I’d sent to her to Emily! I told Grace it’s fine if she wants to be friends with Emily but it’s not cool if she sends pictures of my newborn son to my ex wife. Sandy was pissed too and Grace apologised and hasn’t sent any more pictures or info I don’t want shared.

Well, I thought I wouldn’t hear from Emily again until she told me about a month after my son was born that she was pregnant with the guy she left me for. All I said was a generic “congratulations” and she got mad that was all I had to say. I just said to her we’re not in each other’s lives and that why would I really care?

That kid was nothing to do with me. She tried messaging me again and I ignored her. The other day, Emily messages me again and tells me she had a girl called Hayley. Alright, that’s cool. I offered another congratulations and thought that’d be it.

ADVERTISEMENT

She then started trying talking to me about us both finding happiness and becoming first time parents within months of each other and I honestly was not interested in talking to her. She then started talking constantly and constantly about her baby and sent me pictures and I had no reaction.

She then asked me why I wasn’t excited for her and I just decided to be totally honest. I just said to her “look, it’s great you’re excited about being a mom but we’ve been divorced for years. Why are you sharing details about your baby with me? I don’t really care because you and me aren’t involved in each other’s lives anymore.”

ADVERTISEMENT

I then finally blocked her from messaging me and I ended up getting a s**tty message from my sister. She said I was an AH for putting down Emily like that when she was trying to tell me all about her new baby. Maybe my delivery was a bit harsh but am I really in the wrong for not caring my ex had a kid?

Update: I did mention in paragraph one that Sandy is my girlfriend since a few people have commented that I’m married again. I am not, I have a girlfriend who is Sandy and who my baby son is with. Update 2: Grace knows Emily’s long-term bf started with an affair behind my back. She knows how awful Emily was when I was trying to get our divorce and all about the cheating.

Update 3: people seem to be under the impression I am still talking to Emily. No, she contacted me once about her pregnancy which I responded to and she tried a few times after but I didn’t answer. Then I responded when she had her baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

I have literally talked to her twice and that was it before I blocked her. Also, I’m trying to reply to as much people as I can but the consensus seems to be I need to talk to my sister properly, Emily is trying to cheat with me and that I’m in no way the AH so thanks for the still active comments!

Update 4: to those wondering, I learnt from Grace that Emily was at least 4 months pregnant when she told me so she did have a full term pregnancy I guess. Final update: okay wow this has officially blown up. I’ll do an update post to this when I can. I’m calling my sister tomorrow so wish me luck and I’ll update in a week or two.

Navigating contact with an ex can feel like walking a tightrope over a pool of past promises. The original poster (OP) faces a delicate situation: an ex-wife eager to share her new life, and a sister caught in the middle. Emily’s insistence on connecting over her baby news seems to clash with OP’s need for distance, especially given her past infidelity. His blunt honesty, while harsh, reflects a clear boundary to protect his new family’s peace.

ADVERTISEMENT

This scenario highlights broader issues of post-divorce communication. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, maintaining healthy boundaries after divorce is crucial for emotional well-being, especially when new life events like parenthood arise (apa.org). Emily’s outreach might stem from guilt or a desire to normalize her past actions, but it disregards OP’s emotional space.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Respecting boundaries is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, even post-divorce” (gottman.com). Here, OP’s decision to block Emily aligns with protecting his mental health, though his delivery could’ve been softer to avoid escalating family tension. His sister’s involvement, however, complicates matters, as her loyalty to Emily blurs familial lines.

To move forward, OP could have a candid talk with his sister, emphasizing his need for privacy without attacking her friendship. Setting clear expectations about what’s shared—like photos of his son—can prevent future conflicts. For Emily, a polite but firm message reinforcing boundaries might deter further contact without unnecessary hostility.

ADVERTISEMENT

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, dishing out opinions with a side of sass. Here’s a peek at what they had to say, unfiltered and spicy as ever:

DrSaks − NTA why would you care when she's an ex and it's not your kid!?

MichelleDeaEst − NTA, you’re actually more patient than I would be is my ex has cheated on me. Your sister shouldn’t prioritize being a good friend to your ex over being a good sister to you. She should’ve just stayed out of it and keep the friendship separate from you.

ADVERTISEMENT

idontreply_aita − NTA. This is Emily's way of trying to feel less guilty for being a s**tty wife. She wants you to be happy for her so she can rationalize her cheating into an 'all's well that end's well'.. Grace needs to stay in her gd lane.

whyamisoawesome9 − NTA. I don't know why your sister is so hung up on you celebrating the offspring with the guy she cheated on you with. That's really weird behaviour, I have questions about how much your ex has actually moved on in the last 5 years,

or if she still considers you as playing the part of involved bystander in her relationship that you had at the beginning of her affair.. Block, and I would definitely reconsider your relationship with your sister who is enabling her fantasy where you care.

ADVERTISEMENT

court_in_the_middle − Nta. She's just trying to convince you, and others, that because you're both now remarried and parents, what she did was inconsequential, and didn't matter, because everything ended well and turned out perfect, thus ignoring all the pain the cheating caused you..

I'm astounded you even bother communicating. My ex got married 12 weeks ago and I'm a bit bitter and upset, but that's because we share a 10yo, and he didnt even bother to tell our son, let alone invite him.. People suck.. Block her number and enjoy your wife and son.

LH-Holdings − NTA. Emily has someone to talk to about her baby. The baby’s father. There is a real strain lately of people feeling like they have to stay friends with their ex and while that’s fine if it’s your choice, this is really weird.

ADVERTISEMENT

Almost like Emily is trying to validate her bad choices by saying “See, we both ended up fine.” I would also have much stronger language for your sister because her involvement in this is just super inappropriate.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It’s incredibly weird to share details of your new baby to someone you’re divorced from who you had no kids with. Tbh you were quite nice and your sister is being really weird. Focus on your kid.

[Reddit User] − NTA, why is your sister friends with her?

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA I can't imagine a scenario where I'd care that an ex is propagating with the person they left you for and expect you to be at all interested. Doubly so if you've completely cut contact and moved on. It sounds like your ex is upset that she couldn't twist your nipples with this and your sister just doesn't understand how much you don't want her in your life..

You should sit your sister down and be like... '*Hey, Jen, look - Emily and I ended because she ran off with Todd. I got over it, and I don't want anything to do with her or Todd. It's fine with me that you're friends with Emily, because I don't care about her; she's a complete stranger to me now and I'm okay with that. You know I don't want to be in contact with her and know I don't want her to know what's going on in my life.

If she can't move on and let me go, that's her problem. Please don't try to make it my problem. I'm happier without her around or involved. That's why I was so cold and why I blocked her. If you can't understand that, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt* ***your friend*** *- I was trying to stop* ***my ex*** *from dragging me back into her drama.*'

ADVERTISEMENT

dreadrabbit1 − NTA. What the hell is wrong with your sister? Does she know about the cheating?

These hot takes from Reddit are bold, but do they capture the full picture? It’s easy to cheer for cutting ties, but family dynamics—like the sister’s role—add layers that aren’t so black-and-white.

This tale of exes, babies, and sibling spats reminds us how messy moving on can be. OP’s choice to draw a hard line with Emily feels like a shield for his new life, but his sister’s reaction shows not everyone’s on the same page. What would you do if an ex kept popping back into your life with their own milestones? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar tug-of-war between past and present?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *