AITA for not caring that my ex is a deadbeat to his other kid but not mine and still letting him be in his life?

Co-parenting’s like juggling flaming torches—tricky but doable with practice. For a 24-year-old mom, sharing duties with her ex for their 8-year-old son was a well-oiled routine until a bombshell DM flipped the script. Another woman claimed her ex fathered her baby but shirked responsibility, sparking a moral tug-of-war. When a TikTok post blew up, dragging her into the mess, she faced a firestorm of hate calling her a bad mom for sticking with her ex.

This saga of loyalty, co-parenting, and social media shade feels like a soap opera with real stakes. Her choice to keep co-parenting despite her ex’s alleged neglect elsewhere raises thorny questions about responsibility and judgment. Readers might wonder: when does someone else’s drama become your own? Grab a snack—this one’s a wild ride.

‘AITA for not caring that my ex is a deadbeat to his other kid but not mine and still letting him be in his life?’

I (24F) have a son (8M) with my ex (25M). We broke up right after he was born when I was 16 and have coparented him ever since. We lived in the same neighborhood so it made it really easy. After we became adults and moved out we still coparent him fine and there isn't any issues.

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We can both show up to his events, throw a party together, etc. We're not friends and never talk to each other about our personal lives and there's never been any issues. I'm also married and have another child, he isn't married.

Back in November a girl DMs me and tells me that her and my ex had a baby together and he doesn't claim or take care of him. It was a longggg message with pics of her baby and texts included and all. She even sent me the paternity results and that he says her 350$ in child support a month.

She said his family knows and doesn't care. I was shocked he had another baby especially one he isn't taking care of and knew if my son didn't tell me, he must also not know so this must be true. I spoke to my friends, family, and husband about it and they all told me to mind my business and that if he's a deadbeat to another child that has nothing to do with me or my son.

One of my friends who's a single mom however told me that a man that picks and chooses which children he takes care of isn't a dad and that he's a deadbeat, and also that if he abandons my son I have no one to blame but myself since I was fine with him doing it to another child.

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That got under my skin so the next time I saw my ex I told him about the DMs and he got upset and told me to mind my business. It was awkward and I didn't bring it up again. The girl DMed me a few more times but I just ignored them.

It was my sons birthday last week and his party was last Saturday. My ex and I threw it together so he was there, his family was also there. We took family pictures including everyone and I posted some on my story. I woke up the next day to my instagram notifications going crazy and so many people were commenting hate on my pictures.

Come to find out the girl who's baby my ex doesn't take care of posted a TikTok about how my ex doesn't take care of her baby and didn't come to her sons first birthday party but he can take care of his other kid. She included a screenshot of the party I posted on my story which had my @ which is how a bunch of people found me.

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Her video got thousands of views and 500 comments before she deleted it after I sent it to my ex freaking out. All of them insulting me saying if I was a good mom I wouldn't let my ex around my son for being a deadbeat.

My account is now private but I'm still going through my comments deleting the the hate and all of them are mostly women saying that I'm a horrible mom for being okay with having a deadbeat around my son and I must feel so special he only takes care of my son and not hers. AITA?

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Co-parenting’s a tightrope, and this mom just got pushed off by a viral TikTok. Her ex’s alleged neglect of another child puts her in a tough spot—stick with a functional co-parenting setup or judge his broader character? The online hate piling on her feels like a public stoning for a choice she didn’t make. Her instinct to stay out of his other drama makes sense, but the backlash shows how fast judgment spreads.

The core issue’s about boundaries. She’s focused on her son’s stability, while the other mom’s pain spills over, amplified by social media. A 2024 study from Child Trends notes 55% of co-parents face conflicts over differing values, especially when new partners or kids enter the mix. Public shaming, though, rarely solves anything—it just burns bridges.

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Family therapist Dr. Joshua Coleman says, “Co-parents should prioritize their child’s well-being over external drama” (Psychology Today). Her ex’s actions aren’t her burden, but addressing the other mom’s concerns privately could defuse tension. She might consider a calm talk with her ex to clarify his responsibilities, keeping her son’s needs first. For now, privatizing her social media was smart—less fuel for the fire.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew stormed in like a virtual pitchfork mob, tossing opinions hotter than a summer barbecue. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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okayhere21 − I’m sorry but what does this other women expect you to do exactly? You have no control over what your ex does or doesn’t do. And you also have no control over cutting him off from his son even if you wanted to as he is the father and does have rights. Even if you could cut him off, how does that help her child or yours? It would only do harm to your kid.

This lady is lashing out at the wrong person and everyone that has advised you to just stay out of it has given you great advice . If the other child’s mother doesn’t back off from you, you have legal options you can pursue. And just to be clear, I do think the father is a complete jack off for abandoning one of his kids, but it’s not your issue to fix.

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saintandvillian − NTA. This isn’t your business. I’m not sure why she reached out to you because you can’t make a grown man take interest in his child. YWBTA if you stopped him from being a father to the kid you two share. First, I don’t think you can make that decision without possible legal ramifications; He could sue.

Second, you have no idea what their story is or why he’s not involved with the other child. If his other baby mama is willing to reach out to her ex’s baby mama and willing to drag you into this by posting that tik tok, she may not be very stable and could be playing both sides.

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Third, theres never a guarantee he’ll be a continue to be a great father to your child regardless of what you do. Fourth, how does keeping your son away help the situation? Is the argument that you should be bribing him to engage with his other child by withholding your child? Because that makes you a 3rd party in their messed up game.. Mind your business…your son is your business.

Couette-Couette − It is not exactly that you don't care. The reality is that you can't make your ex be an involved father to this child. Also you don't know the whole story: this woman seems very manipulative and clearly unhinged. You should mind your own business regarding the relationship between your ex and his second child but fill a police report against this woman (to have it documented at least)

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Confident_Set4216 − NTA. The relationship between her and her baby is only between him and her. It has nothing to do with you and your relationship with him and your baby.

Your ex is an adult and it’s up to him how he treats the other child, even if it is not claiming or helping raise it. I feel like if he has not claimed or helps raise the baby, he suspects it isn’t his.. Again, it’s none of your business or your problem. So just keep doing you.

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Beneficial-Way-8742 − NTA, and WTF do they want you to do????  Deny your husband visitation, which could result in harm to your son due to parent alienation?  Plus  going to court & lawyer fees (which will also hurt your son)? 

Badger your ex on behalf of a woman you don't know when you don't have the whole story?   And will definitely create a stressful environment for your son??. Turn down his child support until he starts paying her?? I mean, WTAF do they want you to do that would that wont have a negative impact in YOUR son?   

As much as you may wish it were different for her, I don't see how there is anything you can do about this that would either be productive or not negatively impact your son. And it's pretty s**tty of her to dump on you for your efforts to raise your son but expect support from you, a stranger, herself 

Since this woman so willing to tag you and your CHILD's picture in her Tik Tok, (which, lets face it, was a sympathy grab and effort to rally the troops), I would be very cautious on how much she knows about your child.   At some point, hopefully not until he's much older , she is going to try to guilt him on behalf of his 'brother' into joining her troops of flying monkeys 

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HollyNoelle79 − If he's paying her $350 a month child support then he's not a deadbeat. He's fulfilling his financial responsibility. She's just angry he doesn't have a relationship with her or their child. It's not your responsibility to facilitate one.

Miserable_Mission483 − NTA. He is an a**hole just not an a**hole to your kid. Your responsibility is to your child. You may want to facilitate a relationship with the other kid was things settle down. So he gets to know his sibling. Go talk to a lawyer and see if you have any options to have the other lady stop contacting you.

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You had a kid with an a**hole, who just happened to not be an a**hole to you or the kid. People like that live messing lives and it spills over to those around them. Now you are dealing with the spillage. I would also be very careful about his side of the family, I would not trust or put too much faith in their moral compass.

Eugenides − NTA. It's literally not your business. This is a parenting dispute between two other people about a child you have no connection to. For all you know she's lying, or a million other reasons why her relationship with the father is complicated.

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If she's pulling these stunts you know she's not stable. Don't let her crazy impact your child's life. Just block people and move on, Instagram comments don't matter. Document her harassment, and if it keeps going, try to get a no-contact restraining order. 

Newgirlkat − NTA. Say she's telling the absolute truth, and he's a garbage man. It sucks but what could you possibly do? There's nothing you can do. Denying him access to your child together is not going to force him to take the other child and it could complicate YOUR life because of custody and visitations rights.

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He could take you to court because he's fulfilling his obligations to your child together, so you have no leg to stand in and it sucks for the other kid but it really is NOT any of your business even to ask him about it because he's not your friend.

Now, the minute it encroached into your life with your child, that's when you rightfully call him out and tell him he needs to deal because there are A LOT of psychos out there and they could harm you or your child.

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You keep screenshots of those comments and the tiktok (I hope you could before she took it out, or see if someone maybe reposted it to a story you could take it from), but you take the necessary precautions to keep you and your child safe, and he needs to be on his toes with this business making sure it won't affect his child with you.

Be safe, but for everything else it's unfortunately none of your business and you aren't sure if she's telling the truth or what is their deal, and you shouldn't have to know. So long as it doesn't involve your child, you can't and shouldn't meddle.. ETA: just punctuation and a paragraph separation.

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Llyndreth − NTA. You are not responsible for your ex's behavior. He's an adult who is making his own life choices. You are only responsible for dealing with him when it comes to your shared child. But you need to take responsibility for locking down your social media. Especially since you post pictures of your minor child.

These takes swing from slamming her ex to questioning her silence, but do they grasp the full weight of co-parenting’s gray areas? It’s a heated debate, and this mom’s caught in the crossfire.

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This co-parenting clash shows how fast personal choices can spark public chaos. The mom’s focus on her son’s stability got drowned out by a TikTok tempest, leaving her to dodge hate for her ex’s sins. It’s a reminder that co-parenting doesn’t come with a rulebook, especially when social media’s in play. Have you faced fallout from someone else’s mess? What would you do in this mom’s shoes? Share your stories and let’s keep the chat rolling!

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