AITA for not caring about my ex or her kid?

The sting of betrayal cuts deeper than any knife, especially when it unravels a decade-long marriage in a single moment. Picture a man, content in his role as a devoted husband and new father, only to have his world shattered by a genetic test revealing the child he’s been raising isn’t his. The cozy nursery, once filled with dreams of family, now feels like a stage for a cruel plot twist. This Reddit user’s tale of infidelity, legal battles, and a bold escape abroad left the internet buzzing with opinions. How far would you go to reclaim your life after such a deception?

The emotional fallout was raw and immediate. Faced with a court order to support a child not biologically his, the man chose a drastic path: liquidating assets, returning to his home country, and cutting ties entirely. His story raises questions about loyalty, responsibility, and the limits of forgiveness. Readers can’t help but wonder—does walking away make him heartless, or is it a justified stand against a system that seems to punish the betrayed?

‘AITA for not caring about my ex or her kid?’

I was with my ex for 12 years. Married for 8 of those years. I thought we had a great relationship however that was proven to be a lie when I found out our child wasn’t actually mine. The child was a little under one year old when I found out.

The little girl was diagnosed with an inherited genetic disease that my wife nor I had, so after a genetic test I was told I wasn’t the father. I left her almost immediately and wished her the best with her life and hoped her daughter would do well.

During the beginning of the divorce I was served with a summons for a child support case. My lawyer told me since I acted as the father for a fair amount of time I shouldn’t be shocked if I’m ordered to pay. I wanted to fight but I wasn’t worried.. I had a good back up plan.

Long story short, the real father wasn’t found and I was ordered to pay. She smiled pretty big after the hearing and I was upset admittedly so I told her I’d send her a check before garnishment kicked in. I liquidated all my assets pretty quickly.

Took a loss on some things but hey, I’m still young. Called my parents and they got my room ready and I moved back home.. in my home country. I sent my ex a picture of me smiling back home and told her best of luck. I’ve gotten a few calls and letter regarding the support but they get blocked or tossed in the trash.

I don’t think I’m the a**hole here. I didn’t cheat and she’s not my child. Some people argue about the bond, but I can’t say I had a strong one considering I was ready to walk the second I heard about what was up.. What does Reddit think AITA?

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Discovering a partner’s infidelity is like stepping on an emotional landmine—especially when a child is involved. This Reddit user’s situation, where a court ordered child support for a non-biological child, highlights a thorny legal and moral issue. According to family law expert Susan Myres, quoted in a 2019 Huffington Post article, “Courts often prioritize the child’s best interests, sometimes holding non-biological parents accountable if they’ve acted as a parent, even briefly” (Huffington Post). This can feel like a double blow for someone already reeling from betrayal.

The OP’s ex-wife knowingly concealed the child’s paternity, creating a rift that shattered trust. Her pursuit of child support, despite her deception, underscores a power imbalance—courts may bind a person to responsibilities tied to actions taken under false pretenses. The OP’s decision to leave reflects a rejection of this perceived injustice, though it raises questions about abandoning a child he once cared for, however briefly.

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This situation taps into a broader issue: the fairness of family court systems. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Law found that in 15% of U.S. paternity disputes, non-biological parents were ordered to pay support due to established roles, not genetics (Journal of Family Law). The OP’s drastic move to flee suggests a desperate need for self-preservation, but it also leaves the child in a precarious position.

For those in similar situations, Myres suggests seeking legal counsel early to challenge paternity claims before financial obligations solidify. Open communication, though painful, can also clarify intentions and prevent escalation. The OP’s choice to cut contact may protect his peace, but it risks painting him as indifferent to an innocent child’s welfare—a tension that fuels Reddit’s heated debate.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s what the community had to say:

CidTheHorrorKid − NTA. I'm honestly amazed by all the Y-T-A ratings you're getting. she knew damn well the kid wasn't yours and still had the audacity to go to court for child support. good on you for leaving behind all that bs. completely cut em' out and move on with your life.

She made her bed with her actions and lies, she can now lie in it 🤷🏽‍♀ you are in NO WAY obligated to pay up for a kid that's not yours OP, I doubt anyone in your position would've still stuck around. i wish you luck on a new happy life OP

TropheyHorse − Considering how young the child was when you found out I'm going to say NTA, she won't even remember you. Lucky for you you found out so soon on. WTF is up with a system that will order you to pay child support on a kid that isn't yours that you've only been raising for about a year though?

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Lovegivingadvice − NTA bc I don’t agree with a system that allows someone to be liable after being lied to. I would commend you if you were still there for an innocent child but I think the system is unfair.

thewanderingfox − NTA. Am I the only one who is really surprised that he was still ordered CS? That seems wild to me! I’m also surprised by all the YTAs and ESHs. Seems to me the only one who really sucks here is the mom. No one is really taking your well-being into account.

It’s like they think you should just stick around and bail this woman out of her own terrible choices. Who cheats on their spouse with someone they don’t even have enough contact info for to find them for the real parental responsibility? You are not lacking in empathy.

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I have seen so many comments of yours where you sincerely hope that little girl is okay. I could easily point to any starving kid in the world to any of those Redditors and say “It’s your fault they’re starving because you personally aren’t feeding them” by that logic.. Again, NTA.

MrPotatoFingers − NTA. The kid won't remember you for sure, so there's no emotional damage to her from you leaving (that would suck, because she's absolutely innocent in this). Why a judge would order you to pay for her is also beyond me.

redditorshavenosense − Reading the Y T A comments reminds me of what inspired my username. NTA OP

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ashthechache − NTA, she made her bed she can lie in it, if you feel no obligation then you have none, i hope the kiddo is alright but i also hope you are too

allbecausetheempire − NTA, but how was it possible for you to have to pay child support for a kid that's not yours??. That's BS

Nova_Lurker − NTA. I always thought it stupid that some courts reward people for cheating and then punish the innocent parent. The kid isn't going to miss OP, and honestly the fact that the ex now has to deal with this kid alone is exactly what she deserves.

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She cheated on her partner, got pregnant with someone else's kid, and then tried to (and succeeded in) force her partner to pay for it all. To hell with that, that ruins OPs life while simultaneously giving the cheater a free ride!

aIsiduous − NTA. If the child was older, I’d say yta because then that means there’s two dads who skipped out on her (even if she didn’t know of her blood related father). But since, thankfully, the child isn’t of an age that she’d even remember you, nta.

Ex lied to you and acted like that was your child knowing damn well she cheated. If she wanted support for the kid, maybe she should’ve thought that through before being a ho. You get cheated on, lied to, and then YOU’RE the one reprimanded? F**k that!

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These hot takes show Reddit’s split—some cheer the OP’s clean break, while others question the system’s fairness. But do these keyboard warriors reflect the real-world complexities of betrayal and responsibility?

This story leaves us grappling with tough questions about duty, deception, and starting over. The OP’s escape to his home country might feel like a mic-drop moment, but it also sparks debate about the child caught in the crossfire. What would you do if faced with such a betrayal? Would you stay for the child, fight the system, or walk away like the OP? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this drama together!

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