AITA for not caring about my brother having a kid or his wife?

In a quiet family home once filled with warmth, a 27-year-old man’s trust shattered five years ago when he introduced his girlfriend to his family. The shock came when she recognized his 28-year-old brother, revealing a secret affair that ended their relationship. The betrayal cut deep, prompting the man to distance himself, speaking to his brother only once a year, a wound that time hasn’t fully healed.

Fast forward to today, with the brother now married to the ex and a new baby in the picture, the man has moved on with a new partner. Yet, his refusal to engage—skipping the wedding, avoiding visits has sparked a family uproar. A recent meeting with his parents turned into a tense ultimatum, pushing him to either reconcile or lose them, setting the stage for a painful rift.

‘AITA for not caring about my brother having a kid or his wife?’

Family bonds can withstand much, but betrayal tests their limits. The man’s decision to distance himself from his brother after the latter married his cheating ex reflects a natural response to deep hurt. The brother’s ignorance of the initial affair doesn’t erase his choice to stay with her, a decision that compounded the man’s pain. Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward notes, “Betrayal by a loved one requires boundaries to heal, not forced reconciliation” .

The family’s pressure to “move on” and celebrate the brother’s new child overlooks the man’s emotional reality. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that unresolved betrayal can lead to lasting estrangement if not addressed with empathy . The parents’ ultimatum—reconcile or be cut off—ignores his healing process, risking further alienation.

Dr. Forward advises that healing involves setting limits, not erasing feelings. The man’s polite but distant responses (e.g., “congratulations”) show he’s moved forward, but his blunt rejection of family pressure was a reaction to their lack of understanding. A calmer approach, like expressing his boundaries clearly, might have preserved some ties while asserting his stance.

For the man, reconnecting with supportive family members or a therapist could help process the rift. For families facing similar divides, open dialogue and respect for individual healing timelines are key. His new relationship offers a fresh start, and with time, he may choose when—or if—to rebuild bridges, on his terms.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s community backs the man, labeling him NTA for distancing himself after his brother’s choice to marry his cheating ex. They criticize the family’s ultimatum as unfair, urging him to prioritize his peace and new relationship over forced reconciliation.

The consensus supports his boundaries, with Redditors suggesting he seek new connections and let go of family pressure. Some note his blunt response was harsh but justified given the betrayal’s impact.

As the man stands firm against family pressure, his choice highlights the power of personal boundaries after betrayal. It’s a stark reminder that moving on doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen. How do you navigate family expectations after a deep hurt? Share your stories below—let’s spark a conversation!