AITA for not calling my dad’s fiancée my stepmom and for saying they’re both hypocrites for being mad I laughed when her son told her to FO??

Picture a cramped living room, five teens squirming on a couch, as two adults try to stitch a fractured family together. It’s January, and a 16-year-old boy (OP) sits, arms crossed, still raw from losing his mom five years ago. His dad’s fiancée, Angie, lays down the law: she’s to be called stepmom, a parental pillar in their new blended home. But when her own son unleashes a vulgar tirade, and OP dares to laugh, the room ignites with accusations of disrespect.

This isn’t just a family meeting gone wrong—it’s a clash of grief, loyalty, and forced roles. OP, his sister, and Angie’s kids are caught in a tug-of-war between their parents’ dreams of unity and their own unhealed wounds. Reddit’s AITA community dives into this messy saga, unpacking the sting of hypocrisy and the weight of unwanted titles. Let’s step into this tangled household and sort out the drama.

‘AITA for not calling my dad’s fiancée my stepmom and for saying they’re both hypocrites for being mad I laughed when her son told her to fO?’

My dad's (40s) engaged to a woman called Angie (40s). Both my dad and Angie have kids. Dad has me (16m) and my sister (14f). Angie has a son (17m), another son (15m) and a daughter (12f). Dad and Angie started dating two years ago. We all moved in together in January and they're getting married in September.

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Me and my sister lost our mom 5 years ago. I think Angie's kids lost their dad too but I'm not really that sure. I see Angie as my dad's fiancée and when they get married she'll be his wife. I don't call her my stepmom and I won't. She's not going to be my actual parent here. Just the woman my dad's with.

I didn't think that would be a big deal. But we've had some issues over me not calling her my stepmom and because I go to my dad for parenting stuff and not her. Like if I need permission for something or when I want something signed, I go to my dad.

I tell him about talks with my guidance counselor about my options when I graduate and not Angie. We all do the same. So my dad and Angie pulled all of us in for a 'family meeting' and brought up how none of us use stepmom or stepdad and how we're not treating this like a family and a two parenting unit like it is.

Angie told her oldest that he has a stepdad now and he should be working on that father/son bond and getting his advice on things. He told her to f**k off and go f**k herself and that my dad is nothing but the d**k she rides and that's all he'll ever be. She didn't say anything about that. Neither did my dad.

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The two of them focused on me next and dad said some stuff but Angie jumped in and basically took over. She said I have two parents again and I need to start calling her my stepmom and treating her like a parent because this won't ever work if I only show dad that same level of trust and respect.

She said she is here to be my parent. I laughed at the two of them and said she's not my parent too. I said she's going to be dad's wife. I can respect that. I can respect them. But she's not my parent and I'm not about to treat her like one or call her my stepmom. I said if she doesn't like it she can leave.

They focused zero on what I said and all their anger was about me laughing. They said it's so disrespectful to laugh in their faces like that and that it's a serious topic of conversation and I'm ruining everything. Dad told me I owed Angie an apology and Angie said I needed to get a better attitude and realize she'll be my parent whether I like it or not and I won't have a say.

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It made me mad that they were so angry at me but not at her son who told her to f**k off, f**k herself and said my dad was just the d**k she rides. Like wtf? How is *laughing* worse than that. I didn't swear at anybody or call her just the woman my dad fucks.

I told them they were hypocrites for getting so mad at me laughing when her son did what he did minutes before. I told them if that was how they were going to be I'd keep my mouth shut and would count down to my 18th birthday and peace out.

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They said my reaction was over the top and I said I had nothing more to talk about because I'll get in trouble for rolling my eyes while her son could probably punch my dad square in the face and get away with it.

Ever since that talk things are tense and they're still annoyed at everything. It did come back up that I need to start calling her my stepmom. But I ignored that because I'm not engaging when I know it'll backfire on me.. AITA?

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Blended families are like puzzles with missing pieces—fitting them together takes patience, not force. OP’s refusal to call Angie “stepmom” and his laughter during her demand reveal a deeper struggle: navigating grief while resisting a new parental figure. Angie and OP’s dad want a seamless family unit, but their approach—demanding titles and roles—ignores the kids’ emotional reality.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Forcing step-relationships often backfires, especially with teens who need autonomy” , can erode trust in blended families, with 55% of teens reporting favoritism as a key tension source.

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The hypocrisy OP calls out stems from inconsistent discipline. Angie’s push for parental status clashes with her silence on her son’s profanity, undermining her authority. Dr. Papernow advises “slow integration,” suggesting adults model respect before expecting it. OP’s dad and Angie could rebuild trust by addressing all kids’ behaviors equally and listening to their grief-driven hesitations.

For solutions, OP should stay respectful but firm, perhaps saying, “I’ll call you Angie out of respect, but I’m not ready for ‘stepmom.’” Family therapy could help navigate these raw emotions, giving each kid a voice. Angie and OP’s dad should ease off titles and focus on building genuine bonds.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit swooped in like a rowdy family reunion, dishing out support, snark, and some spicy suggestions. It’s like a potluck where everyone’s got a hot take and no one’s holding back. Here’s the unfiltered vibe from the crowd:

m1st3rb4c0n − Low key you and her children should get along just to spite them.

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asafeplaceofrest − Wait...you're a minor child, why are they putting this burden on you? NTA NTA NTA. If they were here asking, I'd tell them they need to see to it their children's needs are met first and that all the kids are okay with their upcoming marriage, before going ahead with the wedding.

If they plow ahead in spite of your reactions, they are just asking for trouble and turmoil. It won't be worth whatever financial or s**ual benefits they get out of it. I'm so sorry your (all of you) parents are like this.

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They aren't married yet, so she cannot rightfully be called your stepmom. And when they do marry, unless she adopts you, she has no authority or obligation to take care of matters concerning you. She is just a stepmom at that point, and nothing more.

Top_Wealth_9343 − As a compromise just call her your “Step D**k Rider”.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your Dad and his fiancé seem utterly clueless. They have chosen to be together and that’s great for them, but to not consider how the children feel is not normal (especially if a parent has been lost). You can’t just cram a bunch of people into a house and call it a family. I’m sorry you lost your mother and that you’re in this situation.

No_Scientist7086 − So her son can tell her she’s just riding your dad’s d**k, but you aren’t allowed to laugh? 🤣 The audacity of the parental morons.

Cute-Profession9983 − Your dad needs to grow a pair

ThatGuySpeCtrE32 − NTA, your dad is pathetic to not stand up for you and your sister. After that I'd probably just ignore Angie entirely, pretend she's not there until they apologize to you and your sister.

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Beach_Girl65 − NTA. Your dad and his future wife are adults and need to realize that trying to force all you kids to call the new spouse stepdad or stepmom is not going to go well with you kids, who are still mourning their parents.

Forcing someone to call them a parent, especially when you’re a year from being an adult yourself, is ludicrous and will never bode well for any relationship you might eventually foster with them. Good luck!

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different-take4u − NTA, next time this discussion happens, and it will, quote your new step brother word for word and see if they take it as well as they did when he said it. If they don’t, they are hypocrites and you will have every right to call them so.

You might even make an alliance with the step brother that feels the same way as you do. Bond in ways they don’t appreciate? Work together to make it clear that you two are not and will never be the happy little family they think they can force upon all of you.

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Nice_War_4262 − NTA, remain polite like you do, what her son said is100 times worse, do not folllow his lead. As to what to call her, stepmother or stepmonster or something else, I would call her Angie. How you act with her is more to the point than any title, remind them of that

These Redditors backed OP’s boundary, roasted the adults’ hypocrisy, and even suggested teaming up with Angie’s son for a rebellion. Some saw the adults’ push as clueless; others urged OP to stay polite but firm. But do these fiery takes capture the whole mess, or are they just tossing fuel on the drama?

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OP’s story is a raw snapshot of a blended family stumbling over grief and forced roles. His laugh wasn’t just defiance—it was a cry for fairness in a house where hypocrisy looms large. By standing his ground, OP’s guarding his heart while navigating a new reality. As he counts down to 18, he’s asking us to weigh in: What would you do if pushed to call someone “parent” who doesn’t feel like one? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this family chat rolling!

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