AITA for not being happy for my boyfriend’s success?

In a small apartment buzzing with chores, a young woman grapples with unfairness. Her days are spent scrubbing and tidying for her boyfriend, whose career soars while she feels invisible. At 21, she swapped her job for domestic work, fueling his success. But his latest award—a lavish trip she’s barred from—ignites her frustration, sparking a clash.

This Reddit story exposes a relationship strained by unequal roles. Her boyfriend’s achievements overshadow her efforts, raising questions about fairness and respect. Readers dive into her struggle: is resenting his spotlight wrong? The tale unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into love’s messy balance.

‘AITA for not being happy for my boyfriend’s success?’

By boyfriend (23) and I (21) have been together since my senior year of high school. Right before I graduated we moved in together and right after I started working. A couple of months later he got problems with his health that caused him to not really be able to do any housework, like cleaning, cooking etc.

He had a bigger income than I and a longer and more successful career than I, and we decided it'd be the best for me to quit working and start doing all the housework, even though this meant all his family and friends saw me as a gold digger. After this his career took up very fast, and he started earning a lot more money.

No one knew where his new determination and extra energy came from. He would brag about how easy work was, and that he only had to work maybe an hour and then he'd just spend time with his friends for the rest of the working day. The housework took me all day, everyday to get done.

He'd buy himself expensive designer things and expensive presents to people, while if I needed makeup or new shoes he'd get picky and whine about being stressed about money. Every time I needed something, he'd take up how it was his money and he worked so hard to get it.

Recently he got an award at work, including a trip with his friends, money and a party. I wanted to join on the trip, but he didn't want to be embarrassed in front of his friends by bringing his girlfriend. I finally got enough of him getting so much praise, and told him it felt bad he kept getting rewarded for an achievement I felt was ours together.

He got really mad at me for saying that, saying how I'm an ungrateful brat that he has to provide for and he works hard every day to achieve the things he's gotten. I know I chose to stay at home and he technically does work completely by himself for the money, but it just bugged me so bad. So, AITA for telling him I don't like that he gets awarded for his success?

This couple’s story exposes an unbalanced partnership, where one person’s sacrifices are ignored. The girlfriend’s frustration isn’t about her boyfriend’s success but his dismissal of her role. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Successful relationships are built on mutual appreciation and respect for each other’s contributions.” Her boyfriend’s actions—flaunting wealth while nitpicking her basic needs—suggest financial control, a warning sign in relationships.

Her full-time housework frees him to focus on his career, yet he casts her as a burden. This mirrors a wider issue: unpaid domestic labor is often undervalued. Research shows women in heterosexual relationships handle about 70% of housework, even when both work. Her resentment grows from this inequity, worsened by his lack of gratitude.

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Gottman’s idea of “turning toward” your partner could help. The boyfriend might show appreciation, perhaps by including her in his success. For her, setting boundaries, like returning to work, could restore balance. Couples therapy or honest talks might reveal why he’s dismissive, fostering mutual respect.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s a snapshot of their candid takes:

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[Reddit User] − INFO.. The housework took me all day, everyday to get done. How dirty were you guys leaving the house *every single day* if the upkeep is that much? Is this a massive mansion with loads of filth?

CMBM20 − NTA. But your focus is wrong. His success isn’t the root of your frustration. His selfishness and the terrible way he treats you is the problem. If he valued you as a partner, there would be no question that you go on the trip with him and reap all of the rewards of his work with you.

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He’s treating you like you’re his mom and, to be fair, you’re acting like it by taking on all of the house full chores while he works for only one hour. He’s the AH. And you shouldn’t let him treat you like that.

TatyNobre − NTA. Honestly he's literally telling you that he's embarrassed of you. That is just so... not a good thing in a relationship (if we can call that a relationship). Honestly you are just being made into a housekeeper (I think that's the word I might wrong in what i-m expressing). Do you really want to be in that kind of relationship?

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jammy913 − ESH. If he's your bf, you should be happy for his success. Since he wanted you to quit your job and do all the chores, he should be more understanding and generous toward you, thanking you for all you did to make his life easier.. Perhaps this relationship is over because at this point it's just toxic.

Future advice: Don't ever quit your job and rely on a mere bf to provide for you. That does nothing for you. If you're in the USA it doesn't increase your SS input, and if you broke up you wouldn't be entitled to any alimony or very much due to the short period of the relationship.

You are setting yourself up to be in a very bad position. You have no financial protection if your relationship ends, or not very much because you aren't married.. You shouldn't have agreed to do that for him without being in a marriage.

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Fovillain − INFO: what kind of health problem only affects the ability to do housework?

living_the_reality − UPDATE: For the MANY questions out there, it does take all day every day. That's mainly because I literally picked up EVERYTHING after him, garbage, shoes, plates, food, ect. I keep finding rotten boxes of food around the house in places I don't think to look, and laundry,

dishes, 3 meals a day and organizing bills and our other affairs take a lot of time, especially from me (I have an amazing mixture of ADHD caused perfectionism, I can elaborate on that if someone doesn't know quite what it is). AND before anyone says it again, writing this text made me for the first time realize how much of an effed up situation I actually am in.

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I've grown up in an abusive environment, and realizing what's normal and what's abuse is sometimes very difficult for me. Writing it out and seeing your helpful comments made me realize what situation I'm in. His work doesn't require any movement at all, and his early success is because he works in a field where you can get rich and succeed very fast, if you're right for it.

I'm slightly scared he might see this post, so I'm not saying what he works in in detail for this to seem like anyone's post in his mind. As effed up as it seems, I don't want to hurt his feelings. He got a very long term injury in his both knees, whitch caused a very deep depression. I couldn't live with him in the same house if I didn't put all my time in keeping it up,

it got disgusting in literally one day, and tried first working and doing all the housework. Did not work, I do not recommend doing that. Obviously I can't go back to my abusive home, but I have a friend close by who I can move in with and a few job offers I've been putting up. Thank you for the helpful comments, and I feel less like an AH.

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yoloxolo − INFO: how does the housework for two young adults take you all day? My wife (28) and I (34) both have full time jobs and split the housework with plenty of time for other stuff. What housework are you doing for 8-10 hours per day?!?

FormalJellyfish4683 − NTA his behavior is not great. However, I’m very confused about two parts of your story. 1. What kind of health issues prevent any housework but allow a thriving and busy career? 2. while housework can be time consuming how is it an all day everyday issue for you?

Schulle2105 − Wow you should choose titel more wisely. NTA what you describe is financial abuse,this isn't something that get's better by itself even if you agreed to it,you should reconsider. Don't be completely dependend on him for your own sake!

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What would happen if you break up you would stand there with nothing,je also would know that and can pressure you with it.. You are young and have still the oppurtunity to change this,so don't go with that risk.

thankuhexed − NTA, please dump him. Or get another job, or stop cleaning his house and doing things for him, because this boy does not respect you.

These opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full picture of such a complex relationship dynamic?

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This story lays bare the tension between personal sacrifice and unshared success. The girlfriend’s struggle highlights how love can falter when appreciation is absent. Her realization, sparked by Reddit’s feedback, marks a step toward reclaiming her agency. What would you do if your efforts in a relationship went unnoticed? Share your experiences or advice below—how do you navigate fairness in love and labor?

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