AITA for not apologizing to my sister to keep ‘the peace’?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The family dinner table was a minefield, each glance between sisters crackling with unspoken grudges. For Emma, a 27-year-old entrepreneur, her latest spat with her free-spirited sister, Lily, wasn’t just another sibling squabble—it was a breaking point. When Lily bailed on a crucial work promise, leaving Emma’s business in a lurch, tempers flared, and Emma drew a hard line: no more excuses, no more contact. Now, their mother’s desperate pleas for a fake apology to “keep the peace” stir the pot, leaving Emma torn between principle and family harmony.

This clash hits a nerve for anyone who’s navigated sibling rivalries or parental pressure. Emma’s frustration—fueled by betrayal and Lily’s snarky jabs—mirrors those moments when standing your ground feels like the only way to keep your sanity. But is refusing to bend selfish, or a stand for self-respect? Let’s unpack Emma’s story and see where the fault lies.

‘AITA for not apologizing to my sister to keep ‘the peace’?’

Me (27f) and my sister (25f) have always had a tumultuous relationship. We fight, we make up, we get really close, then we fight again and the circle continues. We are polar opposites of each other. She is more of a rough/free type (has snakes, lots of tattoo’s, shaved half her head, works in construction) and I’m more of the girly/rigid type (likes to read, has a kid, works in the beauty industry).

For a while I’ve been expanding my business. While expanding I needed to have some different flooring installed. After a few independent contractors fell through I decide to ask my sister. (Normally i wouldn’t mix family and business, but the deadline was approaching fast and I had no one else I could ask.).

My sister was shortly between jobs so I asked if she would be willing to do this for me while she had some spare time. She told me it wasn’t a problem and she could get it done within my timeframe which was about 3 weeks before the deadline. With the deadline approaching I asked her when she would be able to finish the floor.

No response. The next day I asked again. Again no response. So the next day I asked again and finally got a response. She told me she didn’t have the time after all because she had gotten the dates mixed up. Mind you this was 4 days before my deadline. So I flipped. The fight escalated and I told het I was done with her and I meant it.

This was the last straw for me, and I’m happy to be low/ no contact with her. Now here’s why I feel like I might be the a**hole. I’m really close with my parents. I see them daily, I go over for dinner about twice a week and they babysit my kid every Tuesday. My sister is at my parents place a lot too, so we’re bound to run into each other.

I’m okay with just downright ignoring her and doing my own thing because it’s mostly just for a few minutes (she never stays for dinner, never has) but my sister keeps making snide remarks towards me. Now my mom hates conflict and can’t stand the thought of us fighting. She told me verbatim that I’m in the right but I shouldn’t have reacted that way.

She wants me to apologize to keep the peace. I just downright told here that was not gonna happen under any circumstance. She asked me if I couldn’t just suck it up for her and ‘the family’. I again told her no and said that she should probably tell my sister to stop making comments so there would be ‘peace’ .

She didn’t agree with me and started to guilt trip me. ‘So no easter dinners, no family photoshoot, no holiday together.’ I told her that was up to her and I would be fine just ignoring her/ act semi normal. She didn’t want it to go that way tho, which I kind of get.. So am i the a**hole for refusing to apologize?

Family feuds can feel like a soap opera, and Emma’s showdown with Lily is no exception. Emma’s fury stems from a broken trust—Lily’s last-minute flake on a business deal wasn’t just inconvenient; it was personal. Lily’s casual dismissal and snide remarks afterward only deepen the wound. Yet, their mother’s push for Emma to apologize, despite siding with her, reveals a classic family trap: prioritizing harmony over accountability. It’s a dynamic where Emma’s forced to play the “bigger person.”

Sibling conflicts like this are common—studies show 80% of siblings experience significant rivalry into adulthood (source: psychologytoday.com). Emma and Lily’s opposite personalities amplify the friction, with Lily’s freewheeling vibe clashing against Emma’s structured life. The real issue? Unclear boundaries around work and family.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family estrangement, says, “When family members mix business with personal ties, clear agreements are crucial to avoid resentment” (source: drjoshuacoleman.com). Coleman’s insight nails it—Lily’s failure to communicate left Emma scrambling, and her snark now keeps the wound fresh. Emma’s no-contact stance is less about spite and more about self-protection.

Emma could try a calm, direct talk with Lily, setting rules for family interactions, like no snide comments. For readers in similar binds, Coleman suggests written agreements for family favors to avoid misunderstandings (see tips at familyeducation.com).

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit jumped into Emma’s drama with gusto, dishing out advice and shade in equal measure. Here’s a taste of their spicy takes:

buttercupgrump − NTA. What exactly does your mom want you to apologize for?

EmceeSuzy − You are NTA. I'm twice your age and have spent all of my life apologizing to people who are in the wrong in order to smooth things over. I've finally stopped and I am glad to see you making a wise choice on this. My guess is that your mother is asking you to apologize because you are the more reasonable of her daughters, and also because your sister has gone to her and said she expects and apology.

I think you should say something to your sister about her comments and that you should leave the door open to co-exist at family functions. Text is probably best so nothing can be misconstrued. ***Letitia, we are both part of this family and I would like to move on from the conflict surrounding the flooring job.

I've noticed that you are making negative comments about me while I am visiting Mom and Dad. That needs to stop. We do not agree about the issue and that is OK, but we need to move on. During family events, let's coexist peacefully for our parents' sake.***

diminishingpatience − NTA. Why is it always the person who has done nothing wrong who has to apologise to the AH? Keeping the peace is always code for

Mills2024 − Don't apologize, just go low or no contact and see what your mom thinks of that. You did no wrong and don't need to be treated like that. If your mom wants to see your child she should apologize to you for asking you to apologize.. Update me

tiny-pest − Nta.. And I would tell your mom. I find it disheartening that you know i am in the right and yet expect me to bend over backward for bad behavior and being disrespected. She is not held responsible for her actions. I love you, but I need to think about what I am willing to accept from you as this is not good for my son.

Why should he be taught by example that others can do what they want, yet he has to suck it up and be the bigger person. Why should he see his aunt can do and say what she wants and that you his grandmother will continue to put her first . Over his mom. Over him. Why should he trust you won't make him do the same.

Because you are right now teaching him either you have a favorite or that you to avoid drama won't hold the person responsible responsible. So I need to decide how much interaction will happen, and that includes you watching him as you are putting your want for no drama.

You desire not to put her in her place. Not willing to uphold actions. Against what's right. I will not enable him to be taught that. Sorry, but it's time for a stand. How can you teach him actions have consequences when she is showing him and teaching him that they don't.

That your sister can do what she wants. What happens when he calls her on something she says. Will your mom demand and guilt and manipulate until he bows down to being abused verbally. Will you allow that to happen.

You can love your parents but if you let this continue then all your child learns is that even if you don't make him apologize that you will subject him to his grandmother treating him as the bad party. All because you love them. If your mom can't be a good mother and grandmother and right now she isn't, then it's time she is in timeout until such time as even her actions are changed to protect a child.

hubertburnette − NTA, but your mom is. Her way of

ClassicCityMatt − NTA. If anyone should apologize, it should be your sister, not you.

Remote-Passenger7880 − INFO: are you the one who is disrupting the peace?

innerbrat − INFO: How much did you pay/commit to paying your sister for doing work for you?

MyIronThrowaway − NTA. You are literally already sucking it up for family by ignoring your sister and being non-confrontational. What more are you supposed to be doing, and what exactly does she expect this apology to consist of? Just another instance of expecting the reasonable person who did nothing wrong to be the one to broker peace when they’re not the one that broke the peace in the first place.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, but are they onto something, or just fanning the flames? Maybe Emma’s got a point, or maybe there’s a middle ground no one’s seeing. What’s the real deal here?

Emma’s saga leaves us wondering: when does family “peace” become a one-way sacrifice? She’s digging in, refusing to fake an apology while dodging Lily’s barbs, but the cost—strained family gatherings and a guilt-tripping mom—stings. It’s a story that echoes for anyone who’s had to pick between pride and playing nice. What would you do if your family pushed you to smooth over someone else’s mess? Drop your thoughts below—any tricks for keeping cool in a sibling standoff?

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