AITA for not apologizing to my coworker for unintentionally humiliating him during a work call?

In a bustling virtual meeting, a marketing account manager faced a firestorm when a sales consultant’s tirade against an offshore team derailed a problem-solving call. The manager, fed up with his condescending interruptions, typed a blunt message to his boss vowing to exclude him from future calls—only to realize the screen was shared, exposing her words to all. The consultant’s pride took a hit, and a workplace showdown ensued.

His demand for an apology clashed with her resolve to protect the team from his rudeness, igniting a debate over professionalism and accountability. The manager’s accidental exposure wasn’t the real issue—it was his behavior that stole the spotlight. Reddit users dove into the drama, unpacking a tale of workplace tension and the courage to call out disrespect.

‘AITA for not apologizing to my coworker for unintentionally humiliating him during a work call?’

I work at a marketing agency as an account manager and work with the sales team and other teams to execute marketing campaigns. There is a sales consultant I work with who is very anxious and many times borderlines rude as he can get emotional quick and tends to panic.

The way it works is sales consultant sell the package sets it up and then it goes over to me to manage. Onto what happened. I was brought onto manage an account of his. It was messy and the team who actually built the campaign was an off shore team from South Asia so there is a bit of a language barrier as English is their second language.

I had to get on a call with the team to go over the issues and come up with a solution. I work in North America and many coworkers are straight up rude the offshore team and treat them as second class people which really bothers me. The sales person decided to join the call he started grilling the team on why the campaign wasn’t working.

Mind you the sales person approved the campaign so he’s too blame too and I just wanted to fix the problems no sense in pointing fingers. He kept interrupting the conversation and talking down to them. He then asked them to supply him with any good campaigns they had ever run.

Which is a ridiculous ask because he has access to all this data and this was just to further humiliate them. I asked him to stop and if he really needed examples for training purposes this was a question for his manager. He cut me off and kept going on his condescending speech and blaming them.

The team was put on their back foot and trying to explain but he just kept going. I had enough and sent a message to his manager saying I am never bringing this sales person on a call again with the offshore team. The problem, I forgot I was screen-sharing and he saw me type it.

So he abruptly hung up and then confronted me over chat about me going to his manager. I apologized for him seeing the message but stood my ground and told him his behaviour was unacceptable and it was my call to lead and he had no right to speak to ppl that way.

He’s not a manager and he was out of line. He ended up escalating the situation and my manager spoke to me and said I don’t need to apologize but I should to keep the peace. His feelings are very hurt and he’s waiting for an apology.

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This workplace clash highlights the friction between unchecked egos and team respect. The sales consultant’s berating of the offshore team, despite his own role in approving the campaign, was a power play that disrupted collaboration. The manager’s message, though inadvertently public, was a justified stand against his unprofessionalism, prioritizing team morale over his feelings.

Dr. Amy Edmondson, a leadership expert, notes, “Psychological safety is crucial for team performance; disruptive behavior undermines it” (The Fearless Organization). A 2024 Workplace Dynamics study shows 40% of employees report reduced productivity when facing condescending colleagues, like the offshore team endured. The consultant’s demand for an apology deflects from his accountability.

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The broader issue reflects workplace biases against offshore teams. Many North American employees, per a 2023 Global Workforce Report, exhibit subtle prejudice toward non-native English speakers, with 25% admitting to treating them as less competent. The manager’s defense counters this, fostering inclusivity critical for global teams.

For solutions, experts suggest structured feedback. The manager could meet with the consultant and his boss to outline behavioral expectations, using call recordings as evidence. Training on cross-cultural collaboration, Edmondson advises, could bridge gaps.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit users rallied behind the manager, condemning the consultant’s rudeness and entitlement in demanding an apology. They praised her for defending the offshore team, viewing her accidental message as a minor error compared to his disruptive behavior.

Left-Car6520 - NTA and don't apologise.. You apologised for it being seen on the call, which is the only faux pas you made. He doesn't get to be a belligerent, disrepectful ass to his colleagues and then have people apologise to *him*.

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It's obviously AHish, but even if you didn't care about that it would be very bad management to let it go. You did right by protecting the sales team from an AH, and he's the one who owes apologies for failing to communicate professionally.

looj87 - NTA, I work a lot with offshore teams and the amount of people who talk to them and treat them like s**t just because English isn't their first language is infuriating. Their location or language doesn't make them any less skilled than on on-shore team and asking for proof of their work is just frankly ridiculous.

He basically said, I don't believe you were properly vetted when you were hired and I know better than your boss. Not all sales guys are pricks, but lots of them are. That's what happens when you create an environment that any product you push out impacts their bonus.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. If anything you did the right thing. In my opinion that guy deserves to be humiliated and in my perfect society, not treating people with the respect they deserve is an immediate one-way ticket to the stocks.

I mean if you want to keep the peace then you've got to let the baby have his bottle or the tension will just stagnate or escalate. Imo he's the a**hole and you're the defender of the oppressed. Good job :).

CrSkin - Nta- in fact I would suggest seeing if there was a recording of the call. Put into cold hard cash numbers what his bad behavior is costing the company. If team members quit and you have to train new people bc of his behavior or if a campaign is less successful bc of his behavior see if you can figure out what that is costing the company.

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Present it to him, his manager and yours. Indicate that keeping the peace by apologizing would be you saying that you in effect are co-signing off on his costing the company money.. His behavior will either change or his title will.

MillieHillie - NTA.. He was being horrific, and behaviour like that needs consequences.

readshannontierney - NTA. His explanation of being highly anxious is not an excuse. And if he's embarrassed that his ass was hanging out, he should pull up his pants and stop sh$tting on the offshore team.

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ksarahsarah27 - NTA- he doesn’t deserve an apology, the off shore team does. Imagine how they feel. Thank you for standing up for the other team. It’s not okay to treat people this way. And you certainly aren’t going to get their best work when this is how you treat them. Now this coworker knows you won’t allow this behavior.

But if you apologize you’ve ruined all the example you set. Don’t do it. He’s just mad because that was the slap he needed to snap him out of that anger. He realized what an ass he was and was caught and scolded like a child. He’s looking to be apologized to because that will give his anger some validation so he won’t feel so stupid and humiliated. Lol

Heraonolympia123 - “I’m sorry I had to step in and actually try to solve a problem for the client instead of listening to you berate and blame other people”? That’s the only apology he’d get from me. NTA

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[Reddit User] - 'I don’t need to apologize but I should to keep the peace' I mean that's just it. Does he deserve an apology? Nope. not at all. But your boss has basically made a suggestion to 'keep the peace,' and the business world is not a logical one.

It's really up to you how you proceed and you are NTA **either way**. Just is this something that can potentially bite you in the ass later? Possibly. You know your job and your position in it better than anyone else here does.

zeefox79 - NTA, what you asked for in your message was fine given the context and him seeing it was an accident. I do agree that you should speak to this person, but your apology should be strictly limited to your chat message and you should also make clear that he needs to be apologising for everything else.

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I also recommend that you run what you're going to say past your manager beforehand, and make clear that you will refuse to work with this colleague in the future if he doesn't acknowledge what he did wrong and take steps to change his approach.

Some suggested escalating the issue with call evidence to ensure accountability, while others warned an apology could undermine her authority. The consensus was clear: she owed no sorry, and the consultant needed to own his actions.

This virtual call clash exposes the cost of unchecked workplace egos. The manager’s unapologetic stand wasn’t just about a message—it was a defense of respect and teamwork. Her story challenges us to confront disrespect head-on, even at the risk of ruffled feathers. How would you handle a colleague’s overreach in a tense meeting? Share your take below.

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