AITA for not allowing my siblings to use my washer and dryer anymore?

The hum of a washer-dryer in a shiny new apartment was a dream come true for a 19-year-old, thanks to her dad’s generosity. But the joy of her first taste of independence soured when her seven siblings, resentful of her privileged setup, turned her home into their personal laundromat. Ignoring her pleas for a heads-up before barging in, they disrupted her privacy and alone time with her boyfriend.

Frustrated, she changed her locks, sparking a family firestorm. Her siblings branded her spoiled, accusing her of shirking their struggles. Now, with keys withheld and feelings raw, she’s left questioning. Was her lockout a stand for boundaries or a selfish snub? This tale dives into the clash of family ties, privacy, and perceived fairness.

‘AITA for not allowing my siblings to use my washer and dryer anymore?’

A young woman’s quest for peace in her own home turned into a sibling showdown over laundry rights. Here’s her story, straight from Reddit:

So i (F19) got to move into my first apartment in September. I have 7 siblings but they all share the same dad and i have a different dad. My dad has a high paying job and he bought my apartment and said he was going to cover all the payments and in return i go to college and maintain good grades. Which seemed like a fair trade to me.

My siblings dislike my father as they blame him for their dad and our mom divorcing ( he and my mom divorced 8 years ago). They never wanted anything to do with him which is fair but i never liked how they bad mouthed him to me. So when they learned he bought me an apartment they were upset because i got “an easy way out”.

They started to come to my place because it has a washer and dryer and they save money by coming to me rather than paying $6 for one load of clothes. I live fairly close to my siblings so it was nothing but a 10-15 minute drive for them.

It was fine the first few weeks but my boyfriend and i finally get to have our alone time and it isn’t exactly the best thing when we get comfortable and in comes my sister or my brother or one of my brother/sister in laws with a basket full of dirty laundry needing to be done. (only 3 of them have emergency keys as they’re the ones that live the closest)

I simply sent a message out to them asking that they give me a heads up before popping in. They don’t listen. I never got my own privacy growing up and didn’t like the idea that this would continue. So this past Monday, i got my locks changed and didn’t tell them.

Today, my sister in law apparently tried to get in while i was out and noticed it was changed. So i explained i did change the locks and didn’t plan to give them a key until they respected my privacy. They’re upset and thinks i’m being spoiled and selfish. They once again bring up how i don’t get how hard life is and they felt like i was being an AH. I kind of see why i’d be an AH but not a lot?. Aita?

SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION the part where i said “he and my mom divorced 8 years ago” i was referring to my dad. Not their dad. My mom did not cheat on their dad and she was separated from him for a while before she even met my dad!

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A 19-year-old’s apartment became a battleground when her generosity—offering her washer-dryer to siblings—met their disregard for her boundaries. Her siblings’ resentment, rooted in her father’s financial support and their own family history, fueled their sense of entitlement to her space. Ignoring her reasonable request for notice, they invaded her privacy, prompting her to change her locks—a decisive move to reclaim control.

Boundary-setting is vital in family dynamics. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 63% of young adults face family conflicts over personal space violations (Source). The siblings’ hypocrisy—criticizing her dad yet using his-funded appliances—underscores their overreach.

Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner advises, “Clear boundaries protect relationships, even when they cause friction” (Source). The woman could offer scheduled laundry times, reinforcing respect without cutting ties. Her siblings should acknowledge her autonomy and seek laundromats if unwilling to comply.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rallied behind the woman, slamming her siblings’ disrespect and cheering her lock change. From calls to withhold keys to shade on their hypocrisy, here’s the community’s take:

[Reddit User] − NTA. After the first time someone doesn't respect the terms of having your keys, they should no longer have those keys. Your request was MORE than reasonable and you were being very generous to start with.

RunningTrisarahtop − NTA. “If you want to do laundry then you need to find a time that works for me. If you can’t be kind, then you might not get a time.”

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mathxjunkii − NTA. I think it’s so weird that they would just show up. Sometimes I’m at my apartment in my undies, or showering with the bathroom door open, or DOING MY OWN LAUNDRY. It would be hella obnoxious to have to worry about someone busting in like that at any moment.. Are you a little spoiled? Yes. You are. (I am too.. don’t worry about it).

Does that mean everyone else is entitled to your belongings just because you didn’t have to put your own blood sweat and tears into getting them? No. It f**king doesn’t.. You are still an adult human being with the right to privacy and respect.

Shaiyan72 − So they don't like your father, but are happy to come over and use appliances that he paid for, which incidentally use water and electricty that he pays for?. What a bunch of hypocrites. They are also disrespecting your boundaries and right to privacy in your own home, if you do have them visit again, don't leave your keys lying around in case one decides to take them to make copies.. Also, NTA.

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Setmasyri − No, you're NTA. Wanting others to simply respect your personal space and privacy is never an a**hole move, but using another for their resources while abusing them in the process IS.

_iamahab − NTA. Even if you have a more privileged life, it doesn't give them a pass to be your doormat. They can either give you advanced notice (which is more than I'd be willing to do because the cost for water and electricity for 6 people's wash is probably a lot) or they can get some time in at a laundromat like anyone else. You did the right thing.

rawrasaurusrexolini − NTA- even if your dad didn’t get you your own space, and you had your own w/d:. IT DOES NOT GIVE YOUR SIBLINGS THE RIGHT TO TREAT YOUR HOME AS THEIR OWN. You set a boundary, they disregarded and disrespected it multiple times. Logical thing was to change the locks.

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That way THEY know you’re serious about your boundaries. If you’re gracious enough to offer them to set up times to come do their laundry when it works for you, and that’s not good enough for them, they can go pay $6 a load at the laundromat.

[Reddit User] − NTA your SIL has no right to just freely go in your house and use your electricity and water. Good for you for changing the locks.

Fleegle2212 − NTA. I wouldn't ever give them a key again. If they want to come over, they can just work out a time that is convenient for you.

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ColeDelRio − Laundry is not an emergency.. NTA.

These Reddit opinions are bold, but do they capture the full nuance of this family laundry spat? Was her lock change a fair move, or should she compromise?

This story of a locked-out laundry crew and a young woman’s stand for privacy highlights the tension between family access and personal boundaries. Her siblings’ disregard pushed her to drastic measures, but their “spoiled” label stings. Should she hold firm or offer a middle ground? If your family overstepped your space, how would you draw the line? Share your thoughts and let’s unpack this sudsy sibling drama!

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