AITA for not allowing my evicted daughter (29) back home?

The family home buzzed with holiday cheer, but beneath the tinsel, a storm was brewing. A father, savoring newfound calm with his wife, faced a plea from his 29-year-old daughter: evicted and jobless, she wanted to return home with her new puppy in tow. The air grew thick with tension as he stood firm, unwilling to reopen a chapter of chaos. His wife’s tearful objections and their daughter’s entitlement clashed, pulling heartstrings and testing boundaries.

This tale of family, freedom, and tough love sparks a question that lingers like woodsmoke: when does helping a child hinder their growth? Readers feel the father’s resolve and the daughter’s desperation, drawn into a drama where love wrestles with independence. Let’s dive into this Reddit saga, where opinions flare and lessons simmer.

‘AITA for not allowing my evicted daughter (29) back home?’

I am the father of 3 beautiful children - 29f, 27m and 24f - along with a handsome grandson. This scenerio involves my oldest. While my wife heavily disagrees, she was very, very spoiled from both us and relatives. She was the first grandchild on my wife's side after all. It shows. She is far more entitled than her siblings and the least responsible and independant.

While her sister and brother have both moved out and went on to their own house/apartment, she - the oldest - has lived at home all this time. She is on both our health and car insurance still. We bought her her car. We still cook for her, do her laundry, clean her room, ect. She has had a few jobs but was always picky in her search.

Usually they're minimum wage jobs that only covered her own shopping items because they're the only jobs that let her pick her schedule. All her advanced jobs she found displeasing and struggled with managment/authority. She also has been telling my wife and I over the pass 8 years she's going to move into her own place.

She is a very 'put all your eggs in one basket' kind of person but has never committed to a steady paying job to actually move out on her own until September. She was given a position at a company located 5 hours away. Her taking this job and moving away was very abrupt. My wife and I had hoped her living on her own would open her eyes and make her more responsible.

Come now, over this pass week (during Christmas) she announced she was going to get evicted, she hated her job and she needed to move back home. To add on all this she bought a puppy in November and will not surrender it. I refused to allow her back, for several reasons. First, I love it just being my wife and I. Our marriage has been a hurricane due to my oldest daughter.

Since she moved out we've been at peace. My grocery and electric bill are all easier on the wallet. I enjoy seeing my children once a week and just being a grandparent. However, my wife is in disagreement and expects me to take her back. I've been called a variety of names because of my choice.

P.s. Just to assure everyone - she does have options. We would NEVER no matter the situation leave one of our children to homelessness. My mother has offered her a spare bedroom but cannot accept the dog because of how small the house is.

My youngest daughter mentioned she could stay with her with the expectation she moves out within 2 months. Both of these offers daughter has declined because neither will take her dog and are not spacy and comfortable enough.

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This family standoff is a classic clash of love and limits. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy boundaries are the foundation of strong family ties” . The father’s refusal to let his daughter return aims to foster her independence, but the mother’s disagreement highlights a deeper rift.

The daughter’s entitlement stems from years of enabling, a pattern that psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary describes as “parenting from guilt rather than empowerment” . By covering her expenses and chores, the parents inadvertently stunted her growth. Now, her abrupt move and eviction reflect poor planning, a hallmark of untested adulthood. The puppy adds complexity, symbolizing her resistance to compromise.

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This scenario mirrors broader societal trends. A 2023 Pew Research study found 32% of adults aged 25–34 live with parents, often due to economic pressures . Yet, the father’s stance aligns with fostering resilience. Offering non-residential support—like budgeting workshops or job coaching—could bridge the gap. Therapy for the parents, as suggested by Reddit, might unify their approach, ensuring love doesn’t undermine growth.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew dished out a spicy mix of cheers and jeers, like a potluck where everyone brought their boldest flavors. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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RioKye − NTA my parents just got rid of my 42 yr old sister and she is begging to come back or for rent money. Don't do it. Make her grow up or you will never be free.

UrbanDecay00 − esh; you suck for allowing her to mooch off you, and she sucks for not “adulting.” You’re right for not letting her come back IMO, as she needs to learn to be independent on her own. You’re wife sucks for allowing her antics to continue. Now is your time to put your foot down. I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to offer to help until she is well on her feet-but once she’s okay, it’s cut off.

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SimplyBewildered − ESH - your daughter for her behavior. You for encouraging and ennabling that behavior. I've met parents like you... they try and slide their do nothing children into internships, ennable twenty year olds to act like 8 year olds, and then try and get sympathy for practicing tough love as their children head towards 30. Guess what? You created a monster the tax payer will probably end up maintaining.

International-Aside − ESH. She is the way she is because you/wife/grandparents made her that way. She'll never be independent if you keep babying her. Sometimes ppl have to fall before they can fly. Offer support in other ways i.e. resume building, teach her how to budget, etc.

Lexi2727 − As I once was just like your daughter you are doing the right thing do not let move back home. She will never learn anything all the time you are bailing her out. Honestly she needs realise that she need to help herself or she will never do it. She probably has a lot of potential underneath all that entitlement but will never come to realise it until she has to work hard.

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I wish my parents and grandparents had done it to me. I am 37 years old now and it took 30 years before I had to do anything for myself. I am now finishing a degree and going to medical school. Totally self sufficient pay my own bills in my own house. She can get there too.

mpls123456 − NTA. She needs to grow up.

theGOATofSantaClara − NTA, she is almost 30 and can’t go a year on her own? She needs to get it together ASAP. She does appear to need help though, so I’d work towards a compromise with your wife. Personally, I wouldn’t let her back in the house for a long period of time, but I also don’t know your financial situation and what you guys can afford. 5 hours away is obviously too overwhelming for her,

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so maybe look at apartments that are more like 30mins from your house. This girl definitely needs help budgeting too, if she was used to spending all her personal income on shopping for years, that definitely didn’t change overnight, hence the unpaid bills & rent. Like I said, I’d help her as much as you can, within the means of keeping her out of the house and stable. Thats the end goal anyways.

SugarGlitterkiss − How can she be 29 and still on your health insurance?

Squeakhound − NTA. I notice the e-sh and Y-ta are judging you on past decisions. This is a judgment about your current predicament. You want to move forward. I think you need therapy with your wife so that you don’t have to be the bad guy (don’t tell your wife that though).

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Truly, a great therapist can be a real support during this difficult time of finally teaching your daughter self-reliance. Trust me, nothing will work if you aren’t on the same page together. Your wife will end up sneaking money to your daughter and undermining your efforts.

You and your wife can shed your tears with the therapist, get concrete guidance, and become a stronger team for this hardship.. Her options:. 1. Daughter rents a room near her job while she works and looks for a better job. 2. She lives with other family members (having quit her job) but cannot move home afterwards.

You will foster care her puppy, but safely re-home him if she doesn’t get her act together in those two months. 3. She joins the Peace Corp—it’s hard work, becomes an au pair, some job that gives her a place to live.

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SaraMWR − NTA Major life changes need to be agreed to by both parties.

These Redditors swung from fist bumps for the father’s tough love to side-eyes for past parenting missteps. Some saw the daughter’s eviction as a wake-up call; others warned of enabling’s long shadow. But do these hot takes capture the full story, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story weaves a tapestry of love, limits, and lessons. The father’s stand, though divisive, sparks a vital conversation about balancing support with self-reliance. As families navigate these choppy waters, empathy and boundaries dance a delicate duet. What would you do if a loved one’s plea clashed with your peace? Share your thoughts—let’s keep the discussion rolling!

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