AITA for not allowing my BF to use my car to bring his ex and her kid to the ER?

In the stillness of a late-night living room, lit only by the soft glow of a lamp, a couple’s quiet evening unravels with a single phone call. A 27-year-old woman listens, her jaw tightening, as her boyfriend’s ex, a figure from a turbulent past, pleads for a ride to the ER for her sick child.

With a history of boundary violations and closer alternatives available, the woman swiftly refuses to lend her car, suspecting a manipulative ploy. The ex’s hostile texts and mutual friends’ accusations of insensitivity follow, turning a personal boundary into a public feud. As tensions simmer, the woman questions: was her refusal heartless, or a justified stand against a calculated intrusion?

‘AITA for not allowing my BF to use my car to bring his ex and her kid to the ER?’

Bf and I are both 27. The ex is 29 and her kid is 6. They dated back in HS and this kid is not his. My BF has not spoken to her since a year into our relationship because she tried hooking back up with him at a New Years party that I didnt attend due to me working. He immediately told me.

I asked her about it because we were civil at that point and she basically told me to get over it and immediately got defensive. So, he cut her off. His doing, not mine. He has blocked her off of everything since. Including changing his number easily 3 times because she somehow always gets ahold of it.

It's been stressful to say the least but we hadn't heard from her in 2 years and everything seemed peachy. Well, she found his number again somehow and called him yesterday. My BF never talks on the phone unless he is on speaker. I dont know why. But obviously he answered the phone beside me and she said 'Hey its Jess, please dont hang up. I need your help.'

He asked her what she needed. She said 'Can you come pick up Jackson and I and bring us to the ER? He has had a fever for 3 days and now hes super fatigued. I'm starting to feel the same way.' I immediately, without even thinking, said 'Its not happening.' She went silent for a few seconds before responding with 'Well I wasnt asking you.'

So I said 'Its my f**king car and I said no.' See, the drive out to her town is an hour and 25 minutes. It was 11pm at night. Both my BF and I worked this morning. Him at 7am and me at 8am. The ER is 10 minutes down the street and she lives with her retired parents would could have easily brought her OR she could have used their car.

This seemed like a ploy to get him there more than anything, as she has done multiple times in the past. My boyfriend said 'Yeah its Heather's car so I'm not using it without her permission and she has reason to not want me to. Did you even ask anyone else?' She flipped out and said 'No, you're the only person I've f**king called because I figured you would care but apparently not.'

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She then hung up. I thought it was over but apparently not. I start getting texts from her. I have no idea how she got my number but we have plenty of mutual friends who have it. She started telling me that I'm a dumb cunt for depriving her son medical attention. I told her to call a f**king ambulance.

AITA? Boyfriend refuses to talk about it. He said he sees both sides and that his ex is just worried about her kid but he understands why I dont want him using my car to drive her. BUT she is now getting our mutual friends involved who have since reached out and said I'm being insensitive and it wasnt like they would be alone.

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This late-night drama unfolds like a thriller—past promises clashing with present suspicions. The OP’s refusal to lend her car to her boyfriend’s ex, who has a history of manipulative behavior, is rooted in distrust, especially with the ex’s sudden reappearance after two years. The ex’s aggressive texts only heighten the tension.

The ex’s choice to call the OP’s boyfriend first, despite closer options, raises red flags. As psychologist Dr. Susan Forward notes, “Manipulative individuals often exploit emotional triggers to control others.” The OP’s boundary—protecting her car and peace—is valid, particularly given the ex’s boundary violations, like repeatedly obtaining the boyfriend’s number.

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This reflects broader issues: ex-partners sometimes use emergencies to reinsert themselves. The OP should document the harassment for potential legal steps, like a restraining order, and discuss mutual friends’ role in leaking contact info.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s takes are as heated as a late-night ER waiting room! Here’s what the community had to say:

wolofancy − NTA. The thing about going to the ER, is it should be an emergency, not something you can wait 1.5 hours on when a drive is readily available. Also where I live, if you have covid symptoms, you're supposed to contact public health resources rather than just go to the nearest ER so I hope she also knows that, though I doubt her son is actually sick.. I also think you should look into harassment charges or a restraining order.

Trinimeel − NTA. Look at the brightside, you know which mutuals have been constantly feeding her you and your bf's contact information and now you can cut them out of your life like tumours. Or at the very least not give them your next new number.

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Bloomer92 − So she could have called all these mutual friends, but instead decided AFTER 3 DAYS at 11pm, your boyfriend is the first one she should call? NTA using a child’s health as a ploy to contact your ex is psychotic. This woman is clearly crying for help, in such a cringe toxic way.

AKJ1820 − NTA she didn't give a crap about her kid or she would have used all of the options you mentioned ambulance, parents car etc she would under no circumstances wait an hour and a half for someone to turn up to help. She was deliberately using her child as a pawn to get your boyfriend there and for an overnight.

_Random_Walker_ − NTA, she is. I do somewhat see her side, but really, first person she asks her ex that has cut her off for more than 2 years? Just ridiculous.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. This really does sound like a ploy to get your BF to come see her. If she really is concerned for her and her child’s health then she would have just gone to the ER herself instead since as you said it’s only 10 minutes from where she is and other people could much easily have taken her.

Odds are also good that if your BF did bring her to the ER she was also going to guilt him into stay there with her until she and her son are discharged so that would have been a few hours and if she and her son are really sick that also puts your BF at risk and also you would have to decontaminate your car after.

My advice to the both of you is make sure you keep evidence of this constant harassment and if it keeps up you both need to file a restraining order on her because I doubt it will stop anytime soon unless you get the law involved. Your mutual friends also need to stop enabling this behavior, she had other options to get to the ER she just wanted to get your BF alone with her.

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edmoose − dude what if she and her kid have rona?? you were absolutely in the right to say no. f that lady for even asking, she could have exposed the both of you. NTA

CajunKC − NTA. She asked, BF said no, you said no. That should be the end of it. Sounds like she had other options available to get her child to the doctor. She has some serious boundary issues.

Snorlax_thegreat − If they really are not friends at this point and there were other possibilities for her to get to the hospital, you're NTA and she is delusional to the point where I would think about getting a lawyer involved.

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danigirl3694 − NTA, she had other ways to get her kid to the hospital. Your BF and you need to look into restraining orders, just to be safe. Also you might want to suggest to your BF to change his number again but make sure it only goes to you and immediate family. Same with your number.

These opinions sizzle, but do they clarify the drama or just stir the pot?

This ER clash leaves us wondering: was the OP wrong for guarding her car and boundaries, or was the ex’s plea a manipulative tactic? Trust and past betrayals can tangle like phone cords. What would you do if an ex tried to pull you back into their drama under the guise of an emergency? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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