AITA for not accepting my Best friends bridesmaid invitation?

Step into a whirlwind of wedding bells and bruised feelings, where a bride-to-be faces a tough call. This Reddit tale unfolds as a woman, knee-deep in planning her September 2022 nuptials, declines her best friend’s bridesmaid invite for a destination wedding timed too close to her own. The friend’s silence speaks volumes, leaving her questioning her choice. Was she wrong to prioritize her big day? Reddit and experts dive into this clash of loyalty and logistics.

Wedding planning is stressful enough without added drama, yet her friend’s choice stirred the pot. This story of friendship and financial boundaries resonates with anyone juggling love and budgets. Let’s unpack the details, community takes, and expert insights.

‘AITA for not accepting my Best friends bridesmaid invitation?’

So i recently got engaged In September '21 and my partner and I decided that we would get married in September 2022. For anyone who doesn't know, 2022 is the busiest year for weddings since the 80's so I had my work cut out for me. A month later everything is booked, save the dates etc...

Now, in the past week one of my bridesmaids (my best friend) has been talking with her boyfriend about marriage and they are choosing a ring as we speak. However, she told me that she had decided that she was having a destination wedding and that she was planning for it to be two weeks before or two weeks after my wedding.

She then said that I would be definitely be a bridesmaid and she asked if she could have my wedding budget sheets and any other info I had researched. I said i was happy to give her my research but that however even though I would be honoured to be a bridesmaid, I couldn't afford to be apart of it as well as fund my own wedding, especially considering that it was a destination wedding.

She didn't say anything but let me give her my information of weddings and then went home. She now hasn't spoken to me all week, even though I've tried to call and text. Am I the a**hole for not being a part of her wedding even though shes in mine?

EDIT: As this seems to be a reoccuring question: I've just said to them that if that wanted their hair and make up professionally done that i would ask my mua to include them and they would have to pay.. From what she told me though this was probably not going to be the case for hers.

This woman’s decision to skip her friend’s bridesmaid role reflects practical boundaries, not disloyalty. Her friend’s destination wedding, timed so close to her own, piles on financial and emotional strain. Dr. Ellen Hendrix, a relationship counselor, notes, “Setting boundaries in friendships preserves mutual respect.” By being upfront, the woman honored her limits, though her friend’s reaction suggests hurt feelings.

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The friend’s choice to plan a costly destination wedding near the OP’s date ignores the realities of wedding expenses. Studies show average U.S. weddings cost $28,000, with destination weddings often doubling that for attendees. The friend’s expectation of double duty—bridesmaid and guest—overlooks these pressures.

Hendrix’s work emphasizes honest communication to navigate conflicts. The woman could discuss her constraints calmly to mend ties. For others, setting clear expectations early avoids such rifts.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s serving up a hearty “NTA” with a side of sass. Here’s the community’s lively take:

Minimum_Reference_73 - NTA, if she wants to have a destination wedding she has to live with the consequences of that choice. If you can't afford it, you can't.

Noeillia - NTA. I'm guessing as soon as she really starts planning, she'll understand your position better. She's probably just in the 'exclusively happy' phase which might mean your realistic reaction bummed her out a bit. When you're over the top happy, someone not matching that level can hurt. Not that that makes it okay if she's really mad at you now.

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shubzy1234 - NTA. Youre kind to not have immediately shut her down when she mentioned she's planning her wedding so close to your own. Given the fact it's a destination wedding, she shouldn't be surprised if your resources and time are focused on your own wedding and not theirs.

Feel free to tell her youll try to attend as a guest; personally Id reassess my friendship with a person who felt the need to plan their wedding so close to mine and watch for signs of jealousy.. This behaviour stinks of certain little monster.

EzrasWriter - NTA I can’t understand those brides that decide to do a destination wedding then get mad when not everyone they want to come can go. She also chose to have it so close to your wedding which she already knows you are spending money on.

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Plus even if you were able to afford it she might get mad if you can’t join her bachelorette party. If she wanted you to be part of it she should have probably chosen a date for the following year.

walnutwithteeth - NTA. Depending on the bride, being a bridesmaid may not be cheap. With a destination wedding you will need spending money, may possibly need to sort your own dress, hair, makeup etc. You take on the responsibility of arranging the bachelorette party.

Planning a wedding takes a lot of work and those last couple of months leading into it can be super stressful. Why would you take on the expense and stress of someone else's wedding when you should be enjoying your honeymoon?

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Sk111W - NTA IMO an invitation doesn't equal an obligation. If it ever doesn't work out for you financially or logistically it's OK to turn it down

ColdstreamCapple - NTA I feel like she’s tried to railroad your event and take the spotlight off you….I mean why does she have to do it so close to your wedding? It sounds like she’s trying to compete with you almost and come on, she could pick any timeframe but chose yours?

I feel like it was a mistake to give her all your research material too…who wants to bet she now tries to copy your ideas! Just be polite to her, Grit your teeth and say “Thanks again but weddings are hugely expensive and we can’t be flying to yours 2 weeks before or after our own wedding”

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If you lose her as a friend then you have to wonder what kind of friend would not allow you to have the spotlight for once. Also your well within your rights now to cut her out of the bridal party, For me it’s an attention/trust issue and who wants to bet she may be a no show anyway?

4682458 - NTA. She will see very soon how much it costs. Also she needs to realize that a destination wedding is cost prohibitive for many people. I wonder if she thinks you should put ber wedding before yours? You did the right thing by being upfront and honest.

Watchatatcha24001 - NTA. It's always about money with these weddings. 'I want to have my wedding somewhere that is at least 2 hours flight away and the only accomodation there are 5 Star Hotels. Why won't anybody fork out 2 - 3k extra just so that I can have what I want?'. One of the main wedding issues here on AITA appart from the value of gifts..

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Even if you weren't having a wedding you still have every right to decline being a bridesmaid. Honestly I've done it once and would never do it again. But the fact you're going to clearly have a wedding if your own, which 1. Costs a lot of money and 2. Involves a lot of time and stress with planning, I don't really know why she would expected you'd be able to fulfill any duties/costs.

If it's 2 weeks before you'll have a lot of your own things to be dealing with, if it's 2 weeks after you'll still be recovering financially and likely want a break from all the wedding stuff and may even be planning a honeymoon. Perhaps the date is very important to her, but honestly I'd never plan a wedding that close to another friends wedding.

These opinions hit hard, but do they capture the full story? Reddit’s a vibrant stage—let’s see if they nail it.

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This tale weaves a knot of friendship, loyalty, and wedding woes. The woman’s refusal was rooted in practicality, but her friend’s cold shoulder stings. Could a gentler talk have softened the blow? It’s a dance of love and limits. What would you do if a friend’s wedding clashed with your own plans? Share your stories—how do you navigate friendship and financial boundaries?

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