AITA for not accepting an apology from someone who said I look pregnant?
A 33-year-old woman fought infertility for four years, enduring multiple miscarriages before finally accepting she won’t become a mother. After years of obsessive healthy living to boost her chances—strict diet, no caffeine or alcohol, intense exercise—she let go and indulged in everything she’d denied herself, gaining about 10kg while stabilizing emotionally and returning to work.
Recently, a coworker at the entrance casually remarked, “You look pregnant in that dress.” Knowing full well she wasn’t pregnant, the comment sliced into her infertility grief and weight insecurities. When the coworker apologized but got defensive upon being called out, the woman’s partner suggested accepting it gracefully. She wonders if she overreacted by not forgiving right away.
‘AITA for not accepting an apology from someone who said I look pregnant?’
It starts with the woman’s painful journey through infertility and loss:
Then the triggering comment from her coworker:
The apology quickly soured:
At its core, the issue is body shaming disguised as casual observation: saying “you look pregnant” when someone clearly isn’t is a major etiquette violation. Social norms are clear—never comment on or ask about pregnancy unless the person discloses it first, as it risks hitting on infertility, miscarriage, or natural body shape. The coworker knew OP wasn’t pregnant yet said it anyway, turning the remark into direct commentary on her appearance—unnecessary and hurtful.
Some might see it as harmless chit-chat with no malice, and argue OP was too sensitive in rejecting the apology. But “I didn’t mean to offend you” apologies often feel insincere—they shift blame to the hurt person’s feelings rather than owning the impact. Psychology Today highlights how women with infertility histories face intensified shame and lowered self-esteem from body-related comments, amplifying depression, anxiety, and grief from miscarriages.
Society expects women to forgive quickly and stay “graceful,” but that overlooks real trauma: such remarks reopen wounds from feeling one’s body “failed” in reproduction. Practical advice: You’re not obligated to accept a non-genuine apology—especially one lacking acknowledgment of specifics or commitment to change. In a workplace, if it creates discomfort, consider HR for boundary-setting. Explain the nuance to your partner so he understands why it stung beyond surface level. Prioritize therapy for processing grief and rebuilding body confidence—forgive yourself first, not others on demand.
Check out how the community responded:
Online commenters overwhelmingly sided with OP, viewing the coworker’s comment as rude and the apology as insincere.
Most stressed the basic social rule: never comment on pregnancy unless obvious and confirmed:
Many called the apology fake and defended the right to hold boundaries:
Some suggested stronger responses or shared deep empathy:
OP later updated with personal details and thanks:
This highlights how seemingly casual body comments can inflict deep pain, especially for those carrying infertility grief and body insecurities. OP isn’t required to accept a half-hearted apology, and voicing the hurt was a valid way to set boundaries. While her partner pushed for grace, prioritizing personal healing comes first.
What do you think? Have you faced body-shaming remarks tied to sensitive topics? How did you handle the apology—or lack of real accountability? Share in the comments—should forgiveness be automatic, or is it okay to wait until it feels genuine?
