AITA for no longer responding to my friend‘s medical emergencies?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Picture a phone buzzing at 4 AM, piercing the quiet of a newlywed’s cozy apartment. For a 30-year-old woman, it’s another urgent call from her friend Mary, whose anxiety-driven “emergencies” have become a familiar disruption. Once inseparable, their friendship weathered Mary’s year-long battle with undiagnosed panic attacks, with her friend by her side through hospital visits and endless support. But now, with a new job, a husband, and a home, the calls feel like anchors dragging her back.

Mary’s refusal to resume therapy, despite worsening symptoms, has turned support into a one-sided burden. Ignoring that 4 AM text was a quiet rebellion, but it left Mary fuming and the friendship on ice. Was it a selfish dodge or a long-overdue boundary? This tale of loyalty and limits will pull you in—read on to decide who’s in the right.

‘AITA for no longer responding to my friend‘s medical emergencies?’

I (30F) have been friends with my friend Mary (27F) for roughly 5 years. We’re completely different people who met at work and somehow became pretty close friends. Three years into our friendship, Mary started becoming sick.

No one really knew what was going on, but it all escalated into her passing out at work and needing ambulance to get to a hospital. I could sense she was scared because she didn’t know what was wrong with her. I took it extremely serious and stood by her side through it all.

Whenever she texted or called me because of her medical emergency, aka her being scared to collapse or faint randomly, I’d immediately answer and go see her. I spent many days by her side and often spent all day accompanying her until her husband or a direct family member took over.

This all went on for roughly a year, until she was finally diagnosed with severe anxiety and a panic disorder. She did get it treated through therapy and returned to a new “normal”, being able to do things alone again. In the meantime, my life had changed drastically, I found a new job, met my now husband, and we moved into our own place.

Naturally, we hadn’t seen and spoken much during that time because I was so busy. Anyway, I found out that Mary’s condition had gotten worse recently when she called me in the middle of the night, asking me to accompany her until her husband would be back from work.

I did go to see her and upon asking her why therapy was no longer helping, she claimed she quit therapy because she wanted to “get through it on her own”. I asked her if her family knew but she said she didn’t want to worry them, so they don’t know. Her husband knows.

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Well, her calls became more frequent again. But this time, it was hard for me to just leave everything and be there for her. At first I was there for her again, but with time, I just didn’t have the energy to do so anymore. Her requests became irrational and more demanding.

And while I have sympathy for her and her condition, I see no point in putting up with it if she’s refusing proper medical help, let alone help from her immediate family. I started making up excuses why I couldn’t help her at certain times.

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It all boiled down to last thursday, where I got a message from her at 4 AM, asking me to take her to her parents place because she was having a “medical emergency”. I saw the message but I ignored because I just couldn’t take it anymore. In fact, I ghosted her and went back to sleep.

The next day I pretended to have slept through her text and found out she had managed to stay at home until her husband got there, but she didn’t fail to make me feel bad for ignoring her messages. She’s giving me the cold shoulder since.

I know she’s mad I didn’t answer or help her when she needed me. I do feel guilty but I thought if it really was an emergency she could call an ambulance. So Reddit, AITA for ignoring my friend during another of her medical emergencies?.

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Friendships can buckle under the weight of unmet expectations, especially when mental health is in play. This woman’s decision to ignore her friend’s 4 AM plea stems from exhaustion after years of being Mary’s emotional lifeline. Mary’s choice to quit therapy, despite worsening anxiety, shifts the dynamic—her friend isn’t a professional caregiver, yet she’s been thrust into that role. The guilt trip that followed highlights a clash of needs: Mary’s for support, her friend’s for balance.

This reflects a broader issue: 1 in 5 adults experience mental health challenges annually, per the National Alliance on Mental Illness, often straining relationships. Dr. Guy Winch, a psychologist, notes, “Healthy boundaries are essential to prevent compassion fatigue in friendships”. Mary’s refusal to seek therapy or involve family places unfair pressure on her friend, who’s juggling her own life changes.

Advice: The woman should gently but firmly communicate her limits, suggesting Mary reconnect with therapy or family support. A conversation like, “I care about you, but I can’t be your only support,” could reset expectations.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s weighing in with takes spicier than a late-night coffee run. Here’s what they had to say about this friendship fray:

shah_mazing - NTA. Your friend is using you. Suggest she get a caregiver if she doesn’t want to go to therapy. She’s clearly not “getting through it on her own.”. You’re not an emotional support pet.

CanterCircles - NTA. She's asking you to continue enabling her choice to not seek therapy and more appropriate help. You are allowed to set boundaries and you *should* set boundaries on this. She's already shown she's only going to get increasingly more demanding.

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And while we all love our friends and should be there to help them, you likely aren't trained to deal with this. You aren't the best person to be helping her, and your job as a friend is to be her friend, not her makeshift therapist.

ntg0703 - NTA at all!! So many people feel so entitled to make their medical problems other people’s responsibilities whether it may be mental or physical. I also do sympathize with Mary and I understand how much you have tried to help, but she needs to understand that you are not her on-call care taker.

If she wants that, then she needs to look into a professional or a consenting adult that is okay with playing such a role. Clearly you have started to put up your boundaries and I commend you for that. She isn’t thinking about how this can affect your own physical and mental health as well as those around you like your husband

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and potential/future pets and children. I would suggest just having a conversation with her about it and explaining how you are simply not capable of playing this role for her - although you want to be a part of her life and support her, you cannot be who she calls every time.

notdeadyet090 - NTA. To actively give up on a method that was working at getting her better is ridiculously stupid. Now she could be lying about:. she claimed she quit therapy because she wanted to “get through it on her own”. And she might have had to stop due to financial reasons, pressure from her husband or something else.

If that's the case it's a sad situation for her, but you aren't the cause so you don't owe her any of your time. It sounds like you give up your time when you can which is lovely but she's definitely TA for guilt tripping you when you don't give up your time

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CyclonicHavoc - Your friend is very manipulative, and it is not your fault that she refuses to get the help she needs. She is using you as a s**pegoat since she has no one else to blame her problems on, and now this is her use for you. Nothing more. You are not a source of comfort for this woman.

She wants someone to buy her victim story and to play the blame game when they refuse to comply. I would suggest you go fully no contact. She is a very abusive person by giving you the cold shoulder the one time you wouldn’t be at her beck and call,

and that says a lot more about her and her “condition” than what she says about herself. I firmly believe this woman has a serious mental illness. You need to cut her out of your life. It will continue to escalate with a person like this. She needs help that no average person can provide.. NTA.

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Zestyclose-Egg6211 - NTA. A true medical.emergency at 4 AM.should involve 911, profeasional medical help, family such as the husband and parents she has nearby, etc. A true medical emergency also shouldn't be communicated through text. You seem to have been a great friend and now have more commitment in your life as well. It sounds like she never should have left therapy.

[Reddit User] - NTA. But you need to make sure she understands that you are at a different stage of your life now and will not have the time and energy (hey we are all older everyday) to be able to do what you did previously. I find it odd that she decided to stop medical treatment - I wonder what caused it.

EwokCafe - NTA. She needs back in therapy if her coping is struggling this bad.

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[Reddit User] - OP, You're NTA In this situation. You have your own life to worry about. Your friend needs to understand that. Why are you doing more for her than her own husband? That's absurd if you ask me. Don't feel bad about this situation, you are totally NTA.

Judgement_Bot_AITA - Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a**hole:

I need to know if I was an a**hole for not responding to my friends medical emergency because I was tired of her constantly asking me to come over. I might be an a**hole because it could’ve been serious and put her in potential danger.. Help keep the sub engaging!. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

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These Redditors are drawing lines in the sand, but do their calls for boundaries oversimplify Mary’s struggles, or are they on point?

This story of a friendship stretched thin leaves us asking: when does helping a friend become too much? The woman’s choice to ghost a 4 AM cry for help sparked guilt and anger, but was it a fair stand for her own life? Should she have answered one more time or held firm? Share your thoughts—how would you handle a friend who leans too hard without seeking real help? Let’s unpack this emotional tug-of-war together!

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