AITA For no longer doing the dishes after my wife called me her “dish b**ch”?

In a cozy suburban home, a husband’s routine of tackling dishes during his lunch break comes to a screeching halt after his wife’s cutting remark to her friends. Labeling him her “dish b**ch” in a moment of jest, she unwittingly lights the fuse on a marital showdown. His decision to go on “strike” leaves the sink piled high and tensions even higher, as both grapple with respect and apologies.

This Reddit tale unfolds like a domestic drama, blending hurt feelings, household duties, and the quest for mutual respect. The husband’s stand against being demeaned raises a question: was his chore boycott a fair response, or an overreaction to a bad joke? Let’s dive into this kitchen clash and scrub through the details.

‘AITA For no longer doing the dishes after my wife called me her “dish b**ch”?’

My office is only a couple miles from my house so I usually go home for lunch every day. Since it is so close, I have time to do the dishes, take out the trash, switch the laundry, etc, before I go back to work. I find it's a nice use of my lunch break and helps to free up some time in the evening so I can relax more with my family.

A couple weeks ago my wife had a few of her girlfriends over for drinks. I was in the other room watching tv but I could hear them talking and laughing and I heard my wife make a comment about how she has me trained so well I come home on my lunch break to do the dishes and called me her 'dish b**ch.'

It really rubbed me the wrong way. Even if she was just joking with her friends, it felt really demeaning to me and felt like she was putting me down so that she could feel bigger in front of her friends. So, I didn't do the dishes or any other chores when I was home at lunch the next day.

My wife gets home from work before me every day and instead of coming home to a clean kitchen and empty sink, there are dishes piled up and the trash needs to be taken out, etc. When I got home my wife was doing the dishes and told me I need to give her a hand because she needs to get dinner started. She asked if I came home for lunch that day and I said I did.

She asked why I didn't do the dishes and I told her that her 'dish b**ch' was on strike. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with her mouth open. I told her that yeah, I heard what she said and that I don't appreciate her putting me down to her friends just so that she can feel good about herself.

She said she was just joking around and she doesn't really think about me that way. I told her she would flip her s**t if she heard me talk about her that way to my friends. She said they were just joking around and it didn't mean she actually thought that. I told her I want to believe her, but I honestly don't think she was just joking.

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I told her I think I might just start going out to eat at lunch, or take a lunch to the office from now on. She told me I was being petty and overreacting. I told her I don't think I am. She then asked if I was going to help her with the dishes so she can start dinner and I said 'No, I don't think I will.'

I told her I will play with the kids to keep them distracted since we are having a later dinner that night. After the kids went to bed she told me I was being an a**hole about one little joke that she didn't even mean and I was blowing this way out of proportion.

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I told her she knows how much she'd freak out at me if I said something like that, so I don't think I'm overreacting at all. I told her respect goes both ways and she doesn't get to put me down to her friends to make her feel bigger.

A playful nickname can turn sour when it crosses into disrespect, as this couple’s kitchen spat shows. The husband’s lunchtime chores were a thoughtful contribution, easing his wife’s load, but her “dish b**ch” comment to friends felt like a public jab, undermining his efforts. His decision to stop the chores was a clear boundary, but her dismissal of his hurt as an overreaction deepened the rift.

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The wife’s comment, even if meant as a joke, hit a nerve by belittling his role, while her refusal to fully apologize signals a lack of accountability. As marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Disrespectful remarks, even in jest, erode trust if not addressed with genuine remorse.” A 2021 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 67% of couples report conflicts over perceived disrespect in household roles.

This situation highlights broader issues of communication and appreciation in marriages. The husband’s passive approach—waiting for her to notice the undone dishes—may have fueled tension, as direct confrontation could’ve clarified his feelings sooner. Dr. Gottman suggests couples address slights immediately with “I feel” statements to avoid escalation.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s serving up some spicy takes on this dish-washing drama, and they’re not holding back! Here’s what the community said:

GreatWhiteNorthExtra − NTA.. You wife demeaned you to her friends.

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Edit26 − If the roles were reversed, all of these comments would say: 'leave the partner, they are disrespecting you when you actually are making their life easier. Red Flags all around🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.'. Therefore you are NTA

Edit: I would like to say that when I wrote the comment there were quite a lot of E S H's and Y T A's. I see that is no longer the case, that's my bad. However, my focus was on the 'leave partner/red flags' point as well.

Chatonarya − NTA. You are exactly correct: if the situation was reversed, you'd be torn a new behind for demeaning your wife even if it was 'just a joke'. Respect goes both ways. It's not nice to talk about your partner like that behind their back and neither is it nice to take your partner's actions for granted.

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RoyallyOakie − NTA...Even as a throwaway, ill-timed joke, your wife should be ready to acknowledge how it made you feel. If the tables were turned, she certainly wouldn't like the 'dish \*\*\*\*\*' title.

Ruckus_Riot − NTA words have power and repercussions. She shouldn’t be putting you down in any way, even jokingly. I think your response matched the crime. Honestly, I would do less on your lunch breaks,

maybe just the trash or just the dishes going forwards since she wants to be demeaning rather than grateful she has a supportive partner. She could have said how lucky she was or how much she appreciated that you help out so much to make her life easier, but instead chose to be thoughtlessly rude in the name of humor.

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No-Jellyfish-1208 − NTA. You are her husband, not her slave. Instead of appreciating the fact that you took the time to take care of household duties when you could've been resting, she chose to belittle you in front of her friends. So rude of her!

ZealousEar775 − The only real problem I have with this is that you waited were super passive aggressive and then only started a conversation after she noticed you weren't doing chores.. If something like this bothers you,

you gotta bring it up right away. Being passive aggressive doesn't help relationships. NTA but consider addressing problems more directly in future relationships. It can cause the discussions to go in different ways

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andreaak88 − Oof. I've been with my partner for over a decade. and we have definitely developed some weird nicknames over the years. This includes some that may sound demeaning to others if they heard them out of context. With that being said, I don't share said nicknames with anyone besides my partner.

While him and I know that these are playful, others do not since they have no context behind it. If I heard my partner call me a nickname we shared with his friend and cackled, I would be severely hurt and would call him out. While her initial comment is hurtful and not okay,

what really strikes me is her diminishing what you feel (which you have every right to) and propelling this narrative that she is correct. Does this regularly happen where she refuses to take your emotions into consideration and doesn't apologize?. NTA, I'm sorry that your wife cannot see where she is wrong instead doubles down.

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DwightMcRamathorn − NTA. You are right. If you said that about her to your friends she and her friends will lose their mind and call you misogynistic

Failsafe-0 − Absolutely NTA. And her lack of apology when she knows she’s in the wrong, is messed up too. Stick to your guns on this one. To me, until she apologizes and I mean, TRULY apologizes… I would continue to not do those dishes.

These bold opinions stir the pot, but do they capture the heart of this marital mess, or just add more suds to the sink?

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This tale of a husband ditching the dishes after a demeaning joke is a sharp reminder that respect is the backbone of any partnership. His stand to demand accountability was valid, but the standoff leaves both sides scrubbing for resolution. Was his chore strike a justified protest, or did he overcook the response? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate hurtful comments in a relationship?

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