AITA for my response when my colleague said I was emasculating my husband?

A casual lunch chat turned sour when Ross, a snarky colleague, smirked at a 36-year-old mom’s phone call with her husband. His question about a ceramic pan sparked Ross’s mockery, questioning who the “man” was in her house since her husband handles chores. The jab stung, challenging her family’s balanced dynamic.

Her sharp comeback defending her husband’s role as a homemaker hit a nerve, escalating into a fiery exchange. Shared on Reddit’s AITA, this workplace clash exposes raw tensions about gender roles and personal boundaries. Was her retort justified?

‘AITA for my response when my colleague said I was emasculating my husband?’

I f36 (married with 3 kids) work in this company for 4 years. I transferred to another department and met new colleagues. We were having lunch days ago and small chats when my husband called asking where I put the ceramic pan. I told him where to find it and ended the call.

  My new colleague Ross (40s, married with no kids, caling him passive agressive is the nicest thing you can say about him) was looking confused throughout the phone call. he asked if my husband cooks. I said yes, not just cooks but he also cleans, takes care of the dish washing, floor mobbing, toilet scrubbing, grocery shopping and deep cleaning rooms once a week.

Ross started laughing as I went on and listed the things my husband does then casually asked who's the man in the house then if my husband's busy being the 'housewife'. I just glanced at him to explain as my colleagues kept staring. Ross said ''ok there's a man in the house aright, and I'm thinking it's you since you've emasculated your husband to the point of...mobbing the floor' others laughed.

I said no we're just splitting duties and since I'm the current breadwinner he took it upon himself to help make things balanced after he lost his job. My other female colleague pointed out that I in fact am lucky my husband believes in partnership unlike most husbands which is a global issue.

Ross said that I was *indeed* lucky to find a man with little to no selfesteem to be 'gleefully' and 'passionatly' taking on a role of a...'homemaker' like that. I was shocked and got extremely agitated after he proceeded to say that he was 100% sure my husband no longer feels like the 'man' he used to be before losing his job.

he called him 'poor soul' and sarcastically hoped he at least still gets to keep his manhood in the bedroom. I was about to yell but kept it civil and looked at him and said ' Oh don't worry he's doing just fine in the bedroom because he's always been enough of a man for me and as a result we have 3 kids.

3 kids while he (Ross) on the other hand.... everyone stopped for a sec and Ross had a shocked look on his face then lost it saying it was f&$# insensitive and pathetic of me for bringing his infirtility in an argument and use it as a low blow and said that I should feel ashamed of myself for bragging about my kids knowing that he can't have children for reasons he can not control.

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I replied that he should feel ashamed of how he was talking about my husband and told him maybe it's better that he just stop getting himself involved in other people's business. He doubled down saying he gets to get himself involved in whatever and wherever he wants because it's a 'free country'.

Other colleagues started getting involved as the argument escalated. Ross told me he will make sure to let HR know about the lovely conversation we had and walked away like he dropped some sort of bomb on me. I got a lot of heat from his guy friends but one female colleague said Ross was rude but I took too far with what I said. AITA?

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Ross’s snide comments about “emasculating” a husband who cooks and cleans reek of toxic masculinity. The woman, balancing her role as breadwinner, faced unwarranted judgment about her family’s dynamic. Ross’s mockery reflects outdated stereotypes, while her clapback, though sharp, aimed to defend her husband’s dignity. His infertility jab was a low blow, but her response mirrored his provocation.

A 2021 Pew Research study found 60% of Americans believe traditional gender roles harm workplace equality (source). Ross’s attitude perpetuates this, creating a hostile environment.

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Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman states, “Shaming men for taking on domestic roles undermines partnership and reinforces harmful stereotypes” (source). Ross’s fixation on “manhood” reveals his insecurity, not her husband’s. Her retort, while personal, was a reaction to his sexism.

To navigate this, she should report Ross’s behavior to HR first, emphasizing his inappropriate comments. Open dialogue with colleagues about workplace respect can prevent future clashes.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back with their fiery takes—here’s the community’s verdict, served with a side of sass:

Supergoch - NTA, why is it a 'free country' when he wants to share his opinion of your situation, but it's not okay the other way around?

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jammy913 - NTA.. An old saying comes to mind.... ​. 'don't dish it out if you can't take it.'

Higgs-Boson-Balloon - NTA. If he’s going to be judgmental about someone’s masculinity without any invitation to do so, then he should be able to take what he dishes out. Fair game imo. You should reach out to HR yourself and give your side of the story, explain that he was very disrespectful to you and your husband and you were offended by his blatant misogyny.

It’s likely he will leave out his inappropriate comments in any official complaint. And from what it sounds like, you touched a *very* sensitive nerve. Like this infertility might literally be the reason he feels the need to attack someone else’s masculinity.

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By the way, your husband has nothing to worry about. Real men treat partners as equals and divide the household labor in a fair manner. Your coworker seems to think that even though you’re the breadwinner you should also do the majority of the housework - which is utterly absurd and misogynistic.

lilEve77 - Why do men so often dish it out but get all defensive when it is bounced back? NTA. But I would beat him to it and go to HR first. Good luck and I think you are very lucky to have a husband who so obviously is a true partner.

FriendlyDisaster7526 - NTA. I am sorry you work with an incel

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1962Michael - NTA. Providing sperm is the one thing women can't do in this world, and is therefore the only truly 'manly' responsibility. So you were quite accurate.. You defended your spouse from a sexist bully. Good for you.

hraedon - ESH. Ross is obviously a huge a**hole, not just for butting into your business but for perpetuating a particularly noxious sort of toxic masculinity. His desire to have it both ways—he gets to involve himself whenever he wants but any attack or judgment against him is out of bounds—is itself a pathetic manifestation of someone who can't take what he dishes out.

Having said that, you became an a**hole when you tied procreation to manhood: this \*was\* insensitive and a low blow. It doesn't become acceptable just because you were arguing with a s**tty dude.

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Alternative_Year_340 - INFO how would you know your colleague has infertility issues? It sounds like all of you are over sharing. (But I’d loop in HR before he does. He’s creating a hostile work environment with his sexism and literally talking about your s** life.)

trayne13 - NTA. Don't start no s**t, won't be no s**t. 🤷‍♂️

citrushibiscus - Sounds like Ross is projecting himself here because of his infertility issues, so he has to 'feel like a man' in other ways by being an absolute sexist garbage person. However, did you know about his infertility beforehand?.

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Make sure you also talk to HR about this because Ross might have done so already. EDIT ESH, him MUCH more so. You knew about his infertility and threw it in his face,  so while it was clever wording it was a bit mean. Not saying you should just sit there and take it, but it should be reported.

At the same time the dude was being a complete tool and a sexist bully. I wonder if he's done anything like this in the past and if so, was he ever reported to HR? He needs to be. Him and all his toxic buddies. I hope this can be sorted out so you have a better working environment. Good luck.

These bold opinions spark a question: does Reddit’s support for the clapback reflect workplace reality, or is it just online bravado?

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This workplace showdown highlights how quickly gender stereotypes can ignite conflict. The woman’s defense of her husband’s role was fierce, but did it go too far? Ross’s sexism deserved pushback, yet personal jabs escalated the drama. How would you respond to a colleague’s judgmental remarks about your family? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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