AITA for my response for my wife’s mom’s “gender disappointment”?

Picture a cozy family dinner, plates clinking, until a gender reveal drops like a spark in dry grass. A couple shares they’re expecting another girl, only for the mother-in-law to grimace and pin the “blame” on the dad, citing biology class trivia. His quick-witted, if edgy, joke about “inbreeding” lands like a comedic grenade, leaving laughter, awkward silence, and a fuming MIL in its wake.

This tale sizzles with family tension, outdated expectations, and a dash of humor gone awry. The dad’s thrill for his third daughter clashes with his MIL’s poorly veiled disappointment, pulling readers into a drama where love, loyalty, and a sharp tongue collide over a baby’s gender.

‘AITA for my response for my wife’s mom’s “gender disappointment”?’

A'right let's get right to it. My wife (f33) and I (m34) have 2 beautiful daughters, we're currently expecting, and recently found out the gender of the baby. It's a girl. again. No biggie I love girls and I'm beyond happy and thrilled.

We visited my inlaws to make the announcement after dinner. We were all seated at the table when my wife announced the gender of the baby. My MIL looked disappointed and didn't even try to hide it - that's fine! gender disappointment or whatever they call it is fine.

People are entitled to feelings you can't control that, right? (shrugs) however, She gave me a look then flatout said 'A girl? again....something seems off here, (turns to me) you know that men are responsible for the gender of the baby right? I replied with 'so? you think I must be doing something wrong or something?

she responded 'no, but I'm just being honest here' I responded with 'It's fine really, they're kids, why would their s** matter? I don’t plan on inbreeding them!'. Suddenly everyone started laughing and MIL went completely quiet. She excused herself to the bathroom and stayed there for a while.

Dinner got awkward, like really really...I mean really awkward and we had to go home. My wife started getting angry calls from her mom about me embarrassing and humiliating her with the 'stupid joke' I made at dinner table. She said I disrespected her in her own home.

I told my wife that her mom was blatantly trying to blame me. My wife said that technically her mom was right in that men are responsible about the gender of the baby. I said so what, we learned this at school, why bring it up?. my wife suggested I apologize to her mom and she'll talk to her but I refused.. AITA?

This family flare-up is like a sitcom where the punchline hits too close to home. Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, says, “Criticism in families can erode trust, especially when it targets personal traits” (The Gottman Institute). The MIL’s comment, implying the dad’s “failure” to produce a boy, was a veiled jab, igniting his defensive humor.

The MIL’s gender disappointment, while common, carries weight. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 15% of grandparents express gender preferences, often tied to cultural norms (APA). Her focus on biology—men’s sperm determining sex—was factually correct but needlessly pointed, suggesting girls are less desirable. The dad’s retort, though crass, flipped the script, exposing her bias.

This reflects broader issues of gender expectations in families. Dr. Gottman advises addressing criticism with humor only if it diffuses, not escalates, tension. The MIL’s retreat and calls to the wife show hurt, but her initial rudeness set the stage. The wife’s push for an apology splits loyalty between mom and husband.

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For solutions, the dad could offer a light apology for the joke’s edge, framing it as a reaction to feeling blamed, while asking the MIL to respect their joy. Couples therapy could help the wife navigate family dynamics. Celebrating their daughters’ value openly reinforces positivity, sidestepping outdated biases.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit gang rolled in like a comedy club crowd, cheering the dad’s wit while roasting the MIL’s tactless jab. It’s like a roast where everyone’s got a zinger:

redmsg − NTA - a better question is why is this woman so hung up on her grandchildren's genitals

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VallisGratia − NTA. It's not like you can actually choose which one of your swimmers is the fastest...

[Reddit User] − NTA, after my daughter was born, my ex thought it was a good idea to mention to me that he was disappointed the baby wasn't a boy, and wouldn't 'carry on the family name'. I told him that he could always hope that she ended up an unwed mother and gave the baby her last name.. He didn't think that was funny.

Fillmore_the_Puppy − NTA, obviously.. But I must disagree with this: My MIL looked disappointed and didn't even try to hide it - that's fine! gender disappointment or whatever they call it is fine. Just because people are being more vocal about their 'gender disappointment' now (thanks to 'gender' reveal parties) doesn't make it fine.

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Preference for one s** over another, and the related enforcing of gender roles, does real damage to kids and to society as a whole. We need to stop excusing people who express these feelings. Sure, people can't control their feelings, but they sure as hell can control how they express them, especially around kids who were born the 'wrong' s**.

deepwebslut − NTA. You were handling her rudeness SO well, honestly I'm impressed. You were nothing but understanding and trying to bring some levity into a discussion she herself was making awkward. I wouldn't apologize either. She ruined a happy moment for her own selfishness, SHE should be the one apologizing.

Her daughter was announcing a pregnancy ffs! Not the time to make it about her weird obsession with who/what is responsible for the s** of the baby, time to congratulate and celebrate! Congrats, btw. And also, cmon MIL, gender is a binary, get with it. Maybe she'll end up with a grandson after all!

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BogBabe − NTA. Your MIL was super rude to say what she said. And I think your joke was hilarious! If she brings it up again, you could always just agree with her and tell her that you're happy to take all the credit for your third girl child.

Lay it on thick, even: girls are so awesome, you're thrilled that one of your x swimmers was once again the fastest, you & your wife produce the most amazing girls ever in the history of the world, etc. etc.

PlanktonOk4846 − NTA like yeah, the man's genes dictate the s**, but it's not like it's a conscious decision. It's also not a perfect 50/50 mix, some are more likely to have daughters while some are more likely to have sons. I don't get what her deal is.

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ndcollector − NTA. What's the endgame with that comment? You've given her two beautiful, healthy granddaughters, with a third on the way. Are you supposed to give your wife a divorce / pass to find another man to hopefully give her a boy?

Turbulent-Army2631 − NTA and while I agree you shouldn't disrespect people in their own home, I don't agree that you should just take their disrespect like a punching bag. She was being really ignorant.

Yes, men determine the s** of the baby, but not by choice. Saying something must be wrong implies both blame on you and that there's something wrong or disappointing about girls, her granddaughters. I'm surprised your wife isn't bothered by that.

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14ccet1 − NTA. But maybe a comedian😂

These Redditors backed the dad’s clapback, calling out the MIL’s obsession with gender. Some saw her comment as ignorant, others praised his humor. But do their spicy takes capture the full family fallout, or just fuel the fire?

This story is a zesty mix of love, sass, and family missteps. The dad’s sharp retort to his MIL’s gender dig defends his daughters’ worth, but it left a table in stunned silence. It’s a reminder that words, even in jest, can cut deep. Have you ever faced family bias over a baby’s gender? What would you say to shut down such a jab? Share your thoughts below!

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