AITA for my response after my BIL told me I’m 35 and still don’t know what I want?

Picture a lively family dinner, plates clinking, until a barbed comment slices through the chatter. A 35-year-old woman, happily single after heartbreak, faces her brother-in-law’s relentless prodding about her “missing” husband and kids. Tired of his jabs, she unleashes a zinger that silences the table, but now her family’s demanding an apology.

Is she wrong for standing her ground, or is her BIL’s hypocrisy fair game? This Reddit saga dives into a fiery clash over personal choices.

‘AITA for my response after my BIL told me I’m 35 and still don’t know what I want?’

So, I'm the eldest of 4 siblings (I'm 35F) all of my other siblings are married and have kids. I'm not married (had 3 long-term relationships that ended badly) and I have no kids. It's been 6 years since I've dated and my family keep pressure me to look for 'my future husband' and start a family cause I'm too old to wait any longer.

It's hard to do that with all the trauma and hurt that I carry, They say they want what's best fore me and are worried I might end up an old lady with only a cat living with me. I do feel alone sometimes but I like it that way, at least I no longer deal with lies, trust isues and mistreatments from my exs.

My BIL (sister's husband) keeps commenting on my 'status' whenever I visit. Talking about how I need to find my 'better half' and have kids. Usually I respond by ignoring him but he kept throwing more comments publicly. Now from what my sister tells us, he sleeps all day, unemployed, doesn't help with child care nor responsibilities but also likes to call the shot in every decision made.

they say that's how he is. so... Last night. we all got together for dinner and BIL brought up my personal life by asking a stream of questions about my plans. I tried to ignore him but he said that I'm 35, single, childless, and don't even date at the moment. I looked at him in shock as he went on to say that I 'clearly' am confused and still don't know what I want in life.

The family looked at me and it made me pissed. In response I told him that 'yes, I clearly don't know what I want but I do know what *you* want, what you really really want and that is child level responsibility, and king level authority in your family'.

Then told him I'd rather spend the rest of my days single then be stuck with someone like him. He gone completely silent and what I said was enough for him to abandon dinner table. My sister stayed quiet and dinner turned awkward. I left later then mom and sister called me saying it wasn't right that I insulted my BIL like that

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and when I explained what he said to me they told me he was just trying to encourage me to have 'normal' life like the rest of them. They said it was rude and hurtful what I said and I have to apologize to him in person. I might have gone over the top but I refused to apologize at least til I see if I'm wrong with my response.. AITA?

This family showdown is a masterclass in boundary violations. The woman’s contentment with her single life clashes with her BIL’s unsolicited critique, exposing his double standards—he dodges responsibilities while preaching about her “normal” life. Her sharp comeback, though harsh, was a long-overdue defense against his public jabs. Meanwhile, her family’s push for an apology sidesteps his role in escalating the drama.

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This reflects a broader societal pressure to conform to traditional milestones like marriage and kids. A 2024 Pew Research study found 59% of adults feel judged for staying single past 30, especially women. Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, notes, “Single people often face ‘singlism’—a bias assuming coupled life is superior, despite evidence that singles report high life satisfaction.” The woman’s choice to prioritize her peace over societal norms is valid, rooted in self-awareness after past trauma.

Her BIL’s behavior—criticizing while shirking duties—mirrors a pattern of projecting insecurities. Her family’s defense of him enables this dynamic, ignoring her discomfort. She could calmly explain her stance to her sister, emphasizing her need for respect, not judgment. Setting boundaries, like limiting contact if the jabs persist, could protect her well-being.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s crowd brought the heat, dishing out bold takes with a sprinkle of wit. Here’s what the community served up about this dinner table drama.

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jrm1102 − NTA. Sure, what you said was a little on the rude side but I’m sure you have been biting your tongue long enough and he’s clearly been an AH to you. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

dark_binniee − NTA. Your bil clearly can dish it but can’t take it. If I were you I would have listed off all the things you mentioned he doesn’t do and ask him why you would want a husband like that. You don’t owe him an apology your family needs a reality check that some people are perfectly fine without that “nuclear family” image and clearly, for your sister at least, it’s not worth it.

Velocityg4 − NTA. Sounds like your sister hasn’t found her better half yet either.. Edit: Thank you for the awards.That was most unexpected.

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CrystalQueen3000 − NTA. He can’t continuously make s**tty and judgemental comments about your life choices and then pull a surprised pikachu face and sulk on the one time you return the favour. Some people are so short sighted and think that their way of life is the only way to happiness, which is hysterical to me because most of them pushing the one true way lifestyle are miserable as f**k.

If you want to be a single cat lady, or a woodland witch, or a solo traveller, or any other way of life then it’s none of their business. And as a side note, the whole “you are clearly confused” mindset is deeply sexist and old fashioned. You’re 35, not 95. Well done for calling out his bs and putting him in his place. Your sister needs to stop enabling him.

trickortrouble − NTA and I am jealous that you had the exact right words to say at the exact right time. Single women with no children are statistically the happiest people on the planet, exactly because they don't have to put up 24/7 with dudes like your BIL.

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MakeLyingWrongAgain − NTA. If he can criticize your lifestyle, you can criticize his.

Absolem1010 − 'Child level responsibility but king level authority'... You and I should be friends! I will be using that later if my ADHD brain files this quote appropriately! NTA he was making personal digs in public the whole time, and it seems your family is pretty ok with this which is awful.

As a 35f, married but childless, my parents were on my case constantly about having kids. I finally had to tell them it was my life, I didn't want kids and if they brought the subject up one more time, I was going NC for a while till they could behave better. Maybe it's time you had that conversation with your family.

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Put them in timeout if they can't get their nose out of your business. They say they only want to see you happy, but constantly bringing up the subject of not having a significant other is rude and bullying. I've found more happy relationships start when you give yourself the opportunity to breathe and let things happen naturally, not as a bunch of family pressure.

Toasted_Barracuda − NTA. So he can comment on the way you live your life but god forbid you do it back to him? Slow down contact with your family, they want you to live to some predefined idea of what is normal rather than what makes you happy.

Fatt3stAveng3r − NTA. Your family are all wrong about this. It is better to be alone than spend even an hour with the wrong person.

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ABeerAndABook − NTA. It's kind of perversely funny how often people like BiL here can't face even a minor taste of their own behavior without throwing a hissy fit. Stick your guns OP and whenever a flying monkey says you should apologize instead seek from them an apology for the years of harrassment.

These Reddit zingers are sharp, but do they cut to the core? Is it about a justified clapback or a deeper family rift?

This tale boils down to one question: when does family “concern” become intrusive overreach? The woman’s fiery retort wasn’t just a jab—it was a shield for her hard-won peace. Her BIL’s hypocrisy and her family’s blind defense highlight a clash of values. What would you do if your family pushed their version of “normal” on you? Share your thoughts—how would you navigate this family feud?

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