AITA for my irish goodbye at thanksgiving?
A 19-year-old woman and her 24-year-old boyfriend drove three hours to spend Thanksgiving with her family, excited to introduce him to everyone. Instead, the family barely acknowledged him—giving only handshakes, ignoring his attempts to talk, and even trying to seat him with the kids. On top of that, family members made inappropriate comments about her and her sisters’ weight.
When her grandma’s new husband asked for help with Christmas lights and then called her “lazy” for not doing more, she started crying—only for him to mock her sensitivity. Feeling disrespected, she and her boyfriend quietly slipped out (an “Irish goodbye”) and left. Now her mom and grandma are furious, calling her rude and immature for leaving and crying. She wonders if she was wrong for walking away.
‘AITA for my irish goodbye at thanksgiving?’
The couple traveled to spend Thanksgiving with her family:
The final straw came outside:
They left quietly:
This situation reveals toxic family dynamics: exclusion of a guest, fat-shaming, and dismissal of valid emotional reactions. The family’s treatment of the boyfriend—ignoring him, seating him with kids—was rude and unwelcoming. The grandmother’s new husband’s comment calling her “lazy” and mocking her sensitivity was cruel and invalidating, especially after she helped. Crying is a natural response to disrespect, not immaturity.
The parents’ anger about the “Irish goodbye” prioritizes appearances over their daughter’s feelings. Dismissing her pain because “grandma has done so much” is manipulative guilt-tripping. The update shows progress—her mom listened, and they’re setting boundaries by hosting Christmas separately. This is healthy.
Family therapist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes: “Healthy families validate emotions and welcome guests. When family members shame or exclude, it erodes trust. Setting boundaries—like refusing to attend toxic events—is self-protection, not rudeness. The daughter’s exit was a mature response to disrespect.”
Practical advice: She did the right thing by leaving. She should continue setting boundaries (e.g., no more family events where she’s disrespected). Therapy can help process the invalidation and build confidence. Her mom’s support is positive—nurture that relationship. She owes no apology for protecting her dignity and her boyfriend’s.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
The online community overwhelmingly supported the OP as NTA, condemning the family’s rudeness, exclusion of the boyfriend, fat-shaming, and dismissal of her emotions. Many praised the “Irish goodbye” and urged stronger boundaries.
Most agreed the family was rude and unwelcoming:
Many loved the quiet exit and encouraged boundaries:
![[Reddit User] − What's bs is that your family finds it acceptable to fat shame and being Aholes and think you should get over it. You have more class in...](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/wp-editor-1769073937246-6.webp)
This story shows how painful family gatherings can be when respect and welcome are absent. The OP and her boyfriend were treated rudely—ignored, excluded, fat-shamed, and mocked for valid emotions. Quietly leaving was a mature, dignified response to disrespect.
What do you think? Have you ever done an “Irish goodbye” at a family event? How do you handle family members who are rude or unwelcoming? Share your experiences in the comments—we’d love to hear!
