AITA — my boyfriend bleached his hair because of me and now he’s upset?

The world of dating can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield of unspoken expectations and quirky personal preferences. For one young woman, a seemingly innocuous decision to experiment with her look detonated a surprisingly dramatic reaction from her boyfriend. What started as a simple desire to bleach her eyebrows spiraled into a saga of sulking, yelling, and a rather drastic hair makeover that left one partner thrilled and the other deeply regretting his impulsive actions.

In the realm of relationships, compromise and acceptance of individual choices are often touted as essential ingredients. But what happens when those choices clash with a partner’s aesthetic sensibilities? And what lengths will someone go to in the name of evening the score in a minor disagreement? This Reddit tale dives into a bizarre scenario where personal expression meets petty retaliation, leaving us wondering who exactly is the “a**hole” in this bleach-induced drama.

‘AITA — my boyfriend bleached his hair because of me and now he’s upset?’

HI, I feel like this is so insane, I'm sorry😭 our relationship is normally pretty low-drama so this was so left field. I've been wanting to bleach my eyebrows for a while. I told my boyfriend this, and he told me he didn't want me to because he doesn't like the look.

The thing is, he prefers me with short hair, I have long hair right now; I prefer him with long hair and he has short hair right now — it's not the end of the world. So I figured this could be the same way, since it's not like it's permanent.

I told him I'd probably get it done anyway and if it looks bad, he can make fun of me all he wants. He said that if I do that, he'll bleach his brows, I didn't really care. Anyway, I bleached them, and I really like how they look. He DOESN'T like how it looks, which I knew was an option, but it was making him really upset.

Like he said,

I didn't think there was anything to get

He says I put him in this situation with the eyebrows thing and then hyping him to do it after when I should have known he was doing it for a petty reason. I feel like if I'm the a**hole here it's because I didn't take him seriously?

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Like I didn't think he was totally doing it to get even. I don't know anyone else who'd dye their hair just to borderline spite someone else like ??? 😭 I feel bad but I also feel like it's not really my fault here. Edit: I can't respond to comments currently (I can't see anything outside of the notifs), but I see people asking about ages — I'm 18 and he's 23. Again, I'm sorry I can't reply to anyone's comments, thank you for commenting though! :)

Navigating personal expression in a relationship requires a delicate balance of individual autonomy and mutual respect. In this situation, the conflict arose from the OP’s decision to bleach her eyebrows, a purely cosmetic choice that, while disliked by her boyfriend, had no direct impact on him. His extreme reaction – leaving, ignoring texts, and later suggesting a tit-for-tat hair bleaching – points to underlying issues within the relationship, potentially stemming from a need for control or difficulty in accepting his partner’s independent choices.

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The boyfriend’s suggestion to bleach his hair to be “even” reveals a level of immaturity and a misunderstanding of healthy conflict resolution. Instead of communicating his feelings constructively, he resorted to a reactive and somewhat performative act. His subsequent regret and blame placed on the OP further indicate a lack of accountability for his own decisions.

As Dr. Lillian Glass, a communication and psychology expert, states in her book Toxic People, “Toxic people often try to control others by making them feel guilty or responsible for their own unhappiness.” The boyfriend’s behavior of blaming the OP for his own choice to bleach his hair aligns with this pattern.

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The age difference between the partners (18 and 23) might also play a role in their differing perspectives and emotional maturity. At 23, one would typically expect a more reasoned and less dramatic response to a partner’s cosmetic choices. The boyfriend’s inability to accept the OP’s decision and his subsequent retaliatory action suggest a potential power imbalance or an unhealthy dynamic where he feels his preferences should dictate her actions.

Ultimately, the OP is not responsible for her boyfriend’s decision to bleach his hair. He is a grown adult capable of making his own choices. His attempt to make her feel guilty for his unhappiness with his own decision is manipulative. A healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and the acceptance of individual differences, including personal style choices.

The drama surrounding bleached eyebrows and hair highlights a need for improved communication and a more mature approach to disagreements in this relationship. The OP might need to consider whether this level of emotional reactivity and blame-shifting is sustainable in the long run.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit peanut gallery has certainly weighed in on this hair-raising situation, and the verdict is pretty clear: the boyfriend’s reaction is, to put it mildly, over the top. Many users are calling out his immaturity and the red flags his behavior raises. Some commenters found the whole scenario darkly humorous, while others expressed serious concern for the OP, suggesting she might be better off with someone who respects her autonomy.

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It seems the online consensus is that while the initial eyebrow disagreement might have been a minor bump in the road, the boyfriend’s dramatic and blame-shifting response turned it into a full-blown relationship rollercoaster.

[Reddit User] − Youre right it is insane. You are not responsible for him dying his hair, it was his choice to go ahead and do it. If you said he should wear a dress and makeup would he do it? No. If he wants to be spiteful and petty thats his problem. You can do whatever you want to yourself, and he doesnt have to like it. I would tell him to drop the subject and not talk about it anymore.

Exciting_Seaweed6492 − NTA - He did it because he wanted to, for whatever reason. It's not like you held him at gun point and bleached his hair wtff

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leerypenguins − This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and I hope it’s real. 

lavellanlike − NTA I’m afraid to inform you that you are dating an i**ot

CharacterSea8078 − How.... How old are you two?

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[Reddit User] − It's posts like this where ages are important. If it's I (16f) and my bf (16m) it's an easy NAH.. Any older and I'm just gonna pray for you guys.

XxfallingfromfirexX − Info: why do you want to stay with someone who is so mean for you wanting to express your personal style? He yelled at you, ignored you then he tried to punish you, it backfired and now he blames you. Not seeing any redeeming qualities here.. NTA but kinda an AH to yourself for putting yourself through this drama by sticking by him.

StrangeArcticles − This guy is 5 years older than you and refused talking to you or being near you cause you didn't let him control your appearance. That in itself should throw up so many red flags it'd look like a communist party convention.. NTA, but wow, will this guy be a regret in your future.

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SunshineShoulders87 − Is this a grown man you’re talking about or is he 5? You mentioned he drove off, so I’m a little worried that’s he’s at least an older teenager, which seems off. Obviously, NTA. Nothing you did to your body directly affected his, yet this supposedly responsible adult decided to teach you a lesson by doing something to himself that you genuinely didn’t care about and is now blaming you for all of it.

At the very least he could’ve shaved his head (as you like him with longer hair), but even then it’d be his decision and something he did to himself. If this kind of nonsense is on par with how arguments go in your relationship, you may want to trade him in for someone more mature and at least in middle school (jk).

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your boyfriend is a full grown man and made a decision to bleach his hair. You didn’t hold him down and do it. If he has regrets, that’s on him. The nice thing about hair is it grows back. And if he has short hair like you said, it shouldn’t take long. Bleached hair can also be dyed dark again.

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This bizarre tale of bleached eyebrows and retaliatory hair dye serves as a stark reminder of how seemingly small disagreements can escalate when handled poorly. It also brings to the forefront the importance of respecting a partner’s personal choices and taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

Do you think the boyfriend’s reaction was justified, or was he being overly dramatic? What boundaries should couples set when it comes to personal style and appearance? Share your thoughts and experiences!

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