AITA for moving to avoid babysitting for my parents which prompted my siblings to do the same?

In a cramped house buzzing with the chaos of nine siblings, a 22-year-old man carried the weight of responsibility from age six. As the eldest, he became the de facto caregiver, sacrificing playdates and privacy while his parents, driven by their belief in “God’s will,” welcomed child after child. The lack of space and constant babysitting duties left him yearning for freedom, a dream that finally took shape when he moved an hour away at 18.

His escape, shared on Reddit, didn’t just free him—it sparked a quiet rebellion among his siblings. His sister and brother followed, seeking their own space, while his parents fumed, blaming him for shirking family duty. This story, laced with humor and heart, dives into the clash between personal dreams and familial expectations, where one young man’s move reshaped a household.

‘AITA for moving to avoid babysitting for my parents which prompted my siblings to do the same?’

I’m (22M) the oldest brother of 9 siblings. I have 5 younger brothers and 3 sisters. My sister is 20 and my brother is 19. Youngest is 4 yrs old and my other siblings ages range from 16yrs-7yrs.. My parents would’ve had way more kids but my mom suffered from several miscarriages.

Pretty much since I was 6 I had to take care of all my siblings. I could never go out because my parents were working and nobody to take care of my siblings. I love my siblings but I hated never having freedom. It used to annoy me like crazy that they would just pop one kid after another.

Our house wasn’t that big so everyone shared rooms, never had any private space, parents made good money but because of so many kids they struggled financially. Yrs later I found out the reason why they had so many kids because they weren’t using any protection AT ALL.

My mom said they didn’t believe in using protection and any kids they had were because of “gods will.” If they didn’t get pregnant, that was fine, if they did it was because that was God’s plan. I was so mad since I was the one also stuck taking care of all these kids because they’re too stubborn to use protection since it’s against their beliefs.

When my mom got pregnant again with my youngest sibling, I waited til my 18th and moved out that day. Made sure I moved far too (1 hr away) so I had that excuse. When my sis turned 18 she begged me to let her live with me and I said ya. My bro did too eventually.

My sister has already moved out but he’s still there with me while we continue our college classes. They saw that I limited contact with my parents to avoid getting stuck babysitting so they wanted out too. Now my younger bro who’s 16 is spending more time at my place because he hates it at home.

My parents are mad at me for dipping out on them since that’s made my other siblings not wanna be responsible for the younger ones either. My dad told me they’re hurt I turned my back on my family and have made my siblings do the same. Cause I’m the older one so I have the most influence on them and ever since I left they followed with the same attitude.

A part of me does feel bad that they’re having a hard time but at the same time I feel they brought that on themselves just thinking they can have however many kids and expecting us all to just live with their actions.. Just wondering if I’m TA for how this all happened

Raising a large family is a choice, but leaning on children to parent their siblings can blur boundaries. This young man’s decision to move out at 18 reflects a quest for independence after years of enforced caregiving. His parents’ reliance on “God’s will” to justify having many children, while expecting their eldest to manage them, placed an unfair burden on him, shaping his and his siblings’ choices to leave.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, states in a 2021 New York Times article, “Children need opportunities to be children, not substitute parents.” The eldest’s role as a caregiver from age six likely stunted his own childhood, fostering resentment. His parents’ frustration now stems from losing their unpaid support system, not from a betrayal of family values.

This scenario highlights broader issues in large families. A 2019 study from the University of Chicago found 72% of eldest children in large families report feeling overburdened by sibling care duties. The man’s move, and his siblings’ subsequent exits, signal a rejection of imposed roles, prioritizing personal growth over obligation.

To navigate this, the family could benefit from open dialogue. The parents might consider professional childcare to ease the load, while the siblings could maintain supportive, not dutiful, ties.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit users rallied behind the young man, unanimously declaring him “NTA.” They argued that his parents’ choice to have many children without planning for their care was irresponsible, not his burden to bear. Many praised his support for his siblings, noting that offering them a way out showed care, not abandonment.

Commenters highlighted the unfairness of expecting children to parent others, with some humorously suggesting the parents’ “God’s will” excuse should extend to their own responsibilities. The consensus was clear: his move was a healthy step toward independence, and his siblings’ choices reflected their own desire for freedom, not just his influence.

Pnapple_Upsdwn_cake − NTA - Tell them it was God's plan.

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markroth69 − NTA You didn't choose to have all those kids, your parents did. The younger children are their responsibility and not yours. End of story.

lost-cannuck − Nta - you didnt turn your back on your family. You are chosing to live your life and be a brother instead of a babysitter.

NotSoSilentWatcher − NTA They've been enormously irresponsible by leaving the odds of getting pregnant up to divine will (or rather their own biology), and relying on the older kids to look after the younger ones.

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But good on you for helping the ones who also want to get out of being a live-in babysitter. They have at least ten children and probably will have more given their attitude towards protection.. Does the Bible say anything about deadbeat parents?

VerdeEyed − Just come clean and admit you’re a Duggar kid. NTA. No one can just drop a baby on my doorstep and expect me to raise it yet that’s what your parents basically did to you.

nicolasbaege − NTA your parents are ALWAYS responsible for their own children. If they can't take care of 7 kids they shouldn't have had (another) 7 kids. Tell them to pay a babysitter.

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[Reddit User] − NTA Kids should help around the house a bit, not be turned into parents for their siblings. As an 18-year-old moving out, you only have responsibility for yourself. It wasn't your choice to have these kids, they aren't your responsibility to deal with.

I think it's cool that you're looking out for your brother and sister, helping them to keep from being turned into parents. Moving out at 18 isn't 'abandoning your family' or whatever. This is ridiculous.

Aesient − I am the eldest of 10 kids (I was 21 when my youngest sibling was born) and did a lot of babysitting growing up. However my mother was a SAHM from the time I was 3 until I was 15, my parents ensured that they could financially handle each child (they did use protection

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I have a vivid memory of watching my mother put a box of condoms into a shopping trolley) but don’t have a lot of money left over. I had a therapist who stated that I never went through teenage rebellion and I laughed about it.

Because I didn’t *have* to rebel: my parents encouraged me to get my motorcycle license (my mother actually went at the same time), I grew up in a small town where not much happened and I was able to travel to the larger towns to spend time with friends and didn’t feel like I missed out on anything.

OP, you are NTA my parents may have had a lot of kids however they often stated that “our children are our responsibility, not our older children’s responsibility”. My mother actually drank a bit too much a few weeks ago and cried that she wishes she had helped us (adult children) all more.

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I pointed out that she had helped us all and we didn’t expect more. She and Dad allowed me to live with them for 3 years with my twins after their father took off on us just after they were born (she cried about “not doing more” for me). They supported 2 of my sisters in moving out with their partners.

2 of my brothers still live with them while working (getting housing here is hard and expensive). Another brother is in the midst of trying to move to another town as he has a new job and my parents are caring for his 3 year old daughter

(he has sole custody, her mother had her rights stripped due to abuse during a court case my parents helped fund) so that he can work and come spend time with his daughter on weekends. They still have 4 minor children all in school, both of them still work, and still manage to care for their kids

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_triangle_ − NTA you are not a free babysitter and you have the right to your own life.. What your parents did to you was abusive

chatondedanger − NTA. I would consider throwing around the line about gods will when they complain. You didn’t get to have a say in how many kids they chose to have and they don’t get a say in how much contact you want to have.

Of course they were passive about caring how many children they had because they weren’t the ones facing the consequences of their actions. You were! Now they are mad because they will have to parent or figure out how to hire a babysitter.

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This is a problem of their own doing and theirs to figure out a solution. Good on you for helping your siblings get out of the environment and to start standing on their own. Not all siblings would do that, and I think it is commendable.

This tale of escape weaves together duty, freedom, and family ties. The young man’s move wasn’t a rejection of love but a claim to his own life, inspiring his siblings to seek the same. His parents’ anger reflects their struggle, yet the root lies in their choices. Have you ever balanced family expectations with personal dreams? Share your story below—let’s explore the ties that bind and break.

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