AITA for moving out of my house because I’ve had enough?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine coming home after a grueling shift as a nurse, craving a moment of peace, only to find your bedroom overrun by loud cousins and a house bursting with eight people in three rooms. For a 23-year-old woman in an Indian household, this chaotic reality pushed her to the edge. Bound by cultural norms to stay until marriage, she shocked her family by snagging a quiet apartment near work, craving control over her space.

Her parents’ fury and tears—her dad shouting about tradition, her mom sobbing over abandonment—left her reeling, while relatives piled on guilt. Yet, her new apartment feels like a sanctuary, her first taste of calm. Was her escape a bold stand for her well-being, or a selfish blow to family ties? Readers are hooked, diving into this clash of culture and personal freedom.

‘AITA for moving out of my house because I’ve had enough?’

So I’ve lived with my parents up until the age of 23. Now I know that’s late, but I live in an Indian household, and usually you don’t move out until your married. Now I don’t mind this, or I should say I WOULDN’T mind this if that house wasn’t a total hellhole. There’s a total of 8 people living in that house with only 3 rooms. My dad decided that we should bring our grandparents to this country, and he hasn’t told me why.

I have to share MY room with two adult cousins who decided to immigrate to this country to get a better job, but they don’t seem to want to move out anytime soon. And let’s not forget that it’s SO LOUD. I’m a nurse and when I come home I like to relax but I can’t when there two very loud people entering and leaving my room whenever they feel like it with no courtesy of being a little quiet.

So I decided I had enough. I searched for an apartment near my workspace, and found a rarely nice 2 bedroom apartment. I told my parents I’m moving out and THEY FLIPPED. My dad started yelling at me that I’m not married yet, and it would be rude(?) for me to move out before I’m married. My mom started crying telling me how could I just leave her like that.

I tried to ignore them but they kept trying to stop me, so I told them that I just can’t live in a place where I don’t get any respect. I’ve been living in my apartment for just a little over a week, and let me tell you that this was the best decision I have ever made. My brain is no longer exploding from being in such a loud house because I get to control the noise that goes around in my apartment.

I can’t believe I didn’t move out sooner. But my relatives keep telling me that my parent are heartbroken, especially my mom, that I don’t care about their feelings. How am I supposed to care about their feelings if they can’t understand mine?. But I won’t lie I am feeling just a little bit of guilt for leaving out of the blue.. Did I make the right decision. Was it okay for me to do that?

Edit: for those of you asking, NO I will not be giving them a spare key because that would literally turn my life into hell. They already know my address but the apartment complex is gated so they can’t come in without my say so.

Cramped quarters and clashing cultures turned this nurse’s home into a pressure cooker. Her move-out, defying Indian norms of staying until marriage, was a cry for respect and rest, while her parents’ heartbreak reflects their adherence to tradition.

Dr. Jasmin Moon, a cultural psychologist, notes, “Navigating multigenerational households often pits individual needs against collective values, especially in immigrant families” (American Psychological Association). The nurse’s loss of privacy—sharing her room with cousins who disregard her need for quiet—threatened her mental health, critical for her demanding job. Her parents’ refusal to hear her plea for respect fueled her exit.

This mirrors broader tensions in collectivist cultures. A 2022 study in Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found 50% of young adults in such households face stress from lack of autonomy. The nurse’s guilt shows her love for family, but her move prioritizes self-care.

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Dr. Moon suggests “bridging cultural gaps through dialogue.” The nurse could invite her parents over to see her thriving, reinforcing love while holding her boundary. Regular visits might ease their pain.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s crew jumped in with fiery support, urging the nurse to stand firm while tossing shade at her family’s chaos. Here’s a taste of their spicy, heartfelt takes:

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mrsjohnson08 - NTA - if she is that heartbroken she can kick the cousins out so you can have your room back.

[Reddit User] - NTA. You need space and quiet. Firstly, because you're your own person. And secondly because you're a nurse in this pandemic. They should doubly respect you for that. Try inviting your parents, specifically your mom, over to your new place. That might help her feelings.

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Sweeper1985 - NTA There are cultural differences at play here. Your parents are obviously still abiding by Indian cultural norms and you are more aligned with norms in the country you immigrated to. IMO it's perfectly alright to say you need more space and quiet if the crowded conditions are impacting on your work and your overall wellbeing.

judgementalfridge - NTA. My parents were passive aggressive when I was moving out to the point where they wouldn’t co-sign anything and I had to get an aunt to sign it. Parents are tough nowadays with moving out but if this is a decision that will benefit you,

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go for it and don’t look back. I’d say try to reason with your parents but it sounds like emotion can cloud their judgement and if they’re tough to talk to about it, ignore them for a while so they can calm down.

rainydayfrog - NTA, you're a grown, working adult, you can live wherever you want. It's clear your parents strongly value family, but you need to do what's best for yourself. Maybe you can visit them regularly, like a weekly lunch/dinner, so they can still see you?

D1133 - NTA. You have a right to live your life your way just as they had a right to make the decisions they did in their lives. I understand your feelings and that fact that you are feeling guilty, to me, shows that you didn’t do it out of disrespect or to spite them. Your guilt is coming from a place of love for them. Of course you don’t want to hurt their feelings and that’s why you feel bad.

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Continue to love them and do the best you can to mitigate the way they feel. You may not be able to change their minds on your decision but you can continue to show them how much they mean and that you love them. Allow them to have their opinion. Stand by yours. Congratulations on a milestone in your life and thank you for the service you do in your job.

QuickBobcat - NTA. They're heart broken because they can't control you anymore lol. You're working and earning your own money. If they decided to turn their home into a boarding house, they can't be surprised that you wanted to move.. Give them a bit of time, they'll get over it.

idek_man2 - Honestly you’re NTA. I was in a similar situation being 23 and in a desi household and trying to move out. I ended up not following through even though I had my lease signed and everything because I couldn’t face the guilt everyone was piling on me about what others would think or that I would be the cause of my parents’ early death.

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Trust me, you made the right decision and in the long run it will serve you much better. The guilt is just ingrained in us because of culture, but overall you made the best decision for your mental and physical wellbeing.

[Reddit User] - I am indian. You are NTA. Tell your parents if they cared for you as much as the other relatives you wouldn’t have had to move out. I really can’t understand this mentality that helping extended family at the expense of your own is okay. It’s not. They should realize their means can not accommodate so many adults and should prioritize.

I suggest having a frank conversation with your mom telling her that their decisions to help others really put you in a place where you didn’t feel like you could be happy in the house. If she shrugs you off again point out that her shrugging you off is a reason you opted to find your own place- put it back on them and their actions- do not let them gaslight you into family obligations and culture.

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Volusto - INFO: Did you explain the issues you were having with your cousins being loud at home?

These Reddit gems are bold, but do they capture the soul of this cultural clash, or just amp up the family drama?

This move-out saga leaves us wrestling with a big question: when does self-care trump family tradition? The nurse’s leap to a quiet apartment freed her from chaos but left her parents reeling and relatives judging. Was she right to prioritize her peace, or should she have endured for family’s sake? What would you do in a home that stifles your sanity? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this cultural conundrum!

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