AITA for moving out because I don’t want to help my bf out with the rent?

In the heart of New York City, where skyscrapers gleam and dreams collide with reality, a 24-year-old grad student found herself at a crossroads. Living in her boyfriend’s swanky $5k-a-month condo seemed like a fairy tale—until he flipped the script, demanding she cough up half the rent. With no income, juggling an unpaid internship and classes, she faced a sting worse than a subway rat bite: being called a gold digger. Her solution? A bold move to a budget-friendly room in Queens, leaving her boyfriend stunned and their mutual friends buzzing.

This isn’t just about rent—it’s about trust, promises, and standing up for yourself when the deal changes. The Reddit community dove into this drama with gusto, offering takes as sharp as a city skyline. Was she right to walk away, or should she have stayed and negotiated? Let’s unpack this urban saga.

‘AITA for moving out because I don’t want to help my bf out with the rent?’

My boyfriend(26M) and I(24F) have been together for 3 years. We live in NYC and he makes over $200k/year, while I’m studying for my masters in social work and have no income. Right now I’m doing an unpaid, yearlong internship 3 days/week, as well as classes 2 days/week. It’s rare to get a paid internship in social work, plus internships are mandatory.

I spend 12 hours everyday either working, studying, commuting, or in class. My only free days are on weekends so I have no time for a paid job. My mom helps me financially by paying for my metrocard and healthcare expenses, but everything else I rely on loans. Before I moved in with my boyfriend there was a roach infestation in my apartment so I'd stay over at his place a lot.

My lease was ending soon so he asked me if I wanted to live with him. At first I joked with him that his living standards would go down since I can’t afford a nice place, but he insisted on paying the rent until I finish grad school, then we would split the rent based on income.

I originally wanted to live in a cheaper place in Queens or Brooklyn, but my boyfriend likes his current place and insisted I move in since he would be the one paying the rent. So I moved into his $5k/month luxury condo in the city this August. All of a sudden my boyfriend recently started asking me to pay half the rent ($2.5k/month).

I was confused because he was the one who wanted to pay the rent in full. Apparently he was talking to his friends and they all think its weird that I don’t pay rent and that I was a gold digger. I let my boyfriend know that I can’t afford $2.5k/month and he said I was “leeching” off of him, so I told him that he should find someone within his social class so he doesn’t have to worry about a gold digger like me leeching off of him.

I stayed at my friends place for a few days while figuring out what to do. I called my mom about my situation and she is willing to help me out but the maximum she can afford for rent is $800. I found some places in Queens within the price range, less than 15 min away from the city and a bus ride away from my school so I went to check them out a couple days ago.

I’ve been texting the landlord and my new roommates and I already signed the lease. I told my boyfriend about my new place and he got upset and asked me to stay. He said that he was willing to accept $800/month instead of $2.5k/month if thats all I can afford, but I told him I don’t want him changing his mind again and demanding more money from me in the future.

He lived in this condo alone for several years so it’s not like he can’t afford to live there without my help. I wouldn’t mind splitting rent with him, but I would have to live in a more affordable place outside of Manhattan like I originally wanted. Apparently some of our “mutual friends” think I’m being unreasonable for moving out instead of talking to him and staying by paying the amount I can afford in rent, and that I shouldn’t have let him pay my portion of the rent.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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Relationships thrive on clear agreements, but this couple’s rent dispute shows how fast trust can crumble. The boyfriend’s abrupt demand for $2,500 a month from his grad student girlfriend, who has no income, wasn’t just a financial curveball—it was a betrayal of their deal. His friends’ “gold digger” jab, and his quick agreement, hints at deeper issues of respect. Her decision to move out to an $800-a-month room in Queens was a power move to reclaim control.

Financial disagreements are a top relationship killer. A 2023 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 31% of couples cite money as a major source of conflict (source). Here, the boyfriend’s flip-flop reflects a lack of empathy for her student life and financial constraints.

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Relationship expert Esther Perel notes, “Money in relationships isn’t just about dollars—it’s about power, security, and trust” (source). The boyfriend’s insistence on a luxury condo, despite her preference for affordability, set a shaky foundation. His later offer of $800 feels like damage control, not a genuine compromise, especially after the “leeching” insult.

For the girlfriend, moving out was a smart boundary. To navigate future relationships, she could prioritize upfront financial agreements, perhaps in writing. Couples counseling might help, but only if both parties respect each other’s realities.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up opinions as bold as a Times Square billboard. From cheering the girlfriend’s exit to roasting the boyfriend’s weak spine, the community didn’t hold back. Here’s what they had to say:

Left-Car6520 - Around he f**ked, and out he found.. NTA. .... Oops since I'm top comment I spose I'm gonna actually add an opinion: It is refreshing to see someone just up and say 'Nope, that aint gonna work' and then promptly exit the crappy situation and take care of things.

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The audacity to suddenly demand a cool $2.5k, after you had an agreement, *knowing* you had previously suggested moving somewhere affordable and he insisted, because his friends hurt his ego *while* grossly insulting you, makes him seem weak-willed, thin-skinned, self-centred, kinda manipulative, *and* a terrible negotiator.

Because now he's sat home alone with his sad face on that his gf left, plus he's got no chance of getting a bit of rent for the place he probably can't afford, and no chance of lording it over you any more which it seems like he might have been inclined to do. Talk about a backfiring plan....

moons_and_stars - NTA! They think you’re being unreasonable? That’s rich. He literally convinced you to move into his apartment, turning down your offers to find a cheaper place so you could contribute. The fact that his friends see you as a gold digger and don’t appear to know the full story

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(the fact that you offered to pay and to find a cheaper place and he insisted otherwise) is also a red flag to me and makes me question how he talks about you to his friends. Definitely NTA and I would question why you would want to date someone who is so easily influenced by his friends uninformed opinions of you.

steezycap - NTA. This should be a time for you to reevaluate whether you even want to be with this dude. He's easily manipulated by his friends and goes back on his word pretty quickly.

fallingfaster345 - You made the right call!!! He tried the old bait and switch. GTFO of there! This is the first flower in a red flag bouquet. Enjoy your new apartment and the peace of mind that comes with it. NTA

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quarkfan4552 - NTA and why is he discussing finances with friends?

bananaberry518 - You are absolutely NTA for making sure you have a place to live. Tbh, calling you a gold digger sounds like a way to hold something over your head and make you feel indebted to him, and the fact that hes upset you actually *won’t* be relying on him after all is very telling.

He misled you on the situation and you did the smart thing by handling your own business. If he can’t be happy with you unless you need him for a place to stay, but is also going to use that over your head he’s not a very nice person.

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B00LEAN_RADLEY - NTA moving goalposts after your moved in. Makes him TA . He thought moving you in would instill the sunk cost fallacy. You were smart for ignoring it. Strike 1: His friends are s**t talking you behind your back. What does he do? Do he stand up for you? No, He agrees with them.

Strike 2: Unilaterally changing the terms. Not being clear again. 'oh I would have let you stay for 800/month' Surprise, he's blaming you again, for something he never communicated.. Strike 3: Name calling: 'leeching'. Am I seeing ANY respect for you? You wanting to be treated with respect is NOT unreasonable.

Icy-Trip8716 - NTA.. He changed the rules and now he’s gaslighting you.. You’re a smart woman.

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Tortie_cat22 - NTA. Also, his demand is super weird. He obviously knew your situation and your finances, so where did he think you were going to suddenly get 3.5k from to contribute each month. Be wary of this guy. You now know what he will be like in future situations where finances are involved.

Physical_Ad5135 - I think being accused of a gold digger would be it for me. You are smart to make arrangements quickly and I like your style that you didn’t try to argue with him. Obviously money is a big deal to him and you won’t be able to keep up with a social worker salary anyway. I would back away from this relationship.

These Reddit takes are spicier than street cart hot sauce, but do they nail the core issue, or are they just relishing the drama?

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This NYC tale is a reminder: love shouldn’t come with a surprise bill. The girlfriend’s leap to independence shows that self-respect trumps staying in a shaky deal. But was she too quick to bolt, or was her boyfriend’s bait-and-switch a dealbreaker? Relationships need trust as much as rent needs paying. What would you do if your partner pulled a financial 180 like this? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this convo as lively as a city street!

The author has added to this article:

update: yes i did dump him. i blocked him and his i**ot friends on everything. My friends also blocked him since he tried to contact me through them. i'm going to enjoy being single and never relying on a man financially ever again.

update #2: i'm going to make a few clarifications since a lot of you are confused and clearly aren't familiar with NYC. 1. yes, it is possible to find a room for $800 in queens when you have several roommates. but my room is small as s**t, has no AC (which obviously isn't an issue now but will be in the summer) and is above a restaurant which means i'll probably have rodent roomies

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(my current roommate told me that they did have a rat problem in the past but it's supposedly fixed. However, knowing these mutant city rats i know they'll come back), but this is the best i can do for now. I'm not some new, bright eyed transplant who thinks NYC is only the trendy and rich parts of manhattan so i know where to look.

2. In general, NYC landlords have a 40x rent rule. Landlords that accept guarantors follow the 80x rule, but some landlords are more lenient when it comes to students. My landlord's son is also an alumni of the school I'm currently attending and is from the same cultural/ethnic background as me which probably gave me some leverage, along with the fact that my mom meets the 80x requirement. It also took me a week to find my current place

3. I just started my 2-year MSW program this September. I finished undergrad 2.5 years ago and worked full time before starting my masters degree. So yes, I did have a job and paid my own rent (which was $1,025/month for a roach infested apartment in queens that i shared with a roommate.)

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I obviously don't have time to work now due to my schedule. My place was not rent stabilized (I'm confused as to how some of you came to this conclusion) it was cheap because it was a s**tty place and no one wants to live there.

4. Yes, my ex does make that much money. It's NYC, he's been in the workforce for 5 years and people here make more money than they would in whatever town you're from, especially in his field. It was initially shocking to me that someone with just a bachelors could earn that much while contributing absolutely nothing to society but that's life.

There's a 3,000 character limit so it's hard to include everything. My original post got deleted since i exceeded the limit and i had to delete a lot of information to get this post approved. The last thing i need right now is non NYCers from the rest of bumfuck America trying to have some sort of weird gotcha moment because they think s** and the city and rich transplants on social media is representative of the real NYC.

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