AITA for moving out after an argument even though my housemate can’t pay rent by himself?

In a cozy apartment that once promised friendship, a young woman found herself tiptoeing around her housemate’s temper like a cat dodging raindrops. What started as a shared lease with Jon, a seemingly compatible 22-year-old, spiraled into a nightmare of control and outbursts. From criticizing her phone case to raging over an open window, Jon’s behavior turned their home into a pressure cooker, leaving her anxious and drained.

The breaking point came when Jon climbed a 20-foot patio to bang on her glass door, accusing her of locking him out deliberately. Now, she’s moved out, but Jon’s pleas to return tug at her guilt—he can’t afford rent alone. Was she wrong to prioritize her mental health over his financial stability? This Reddit tale dives into the messy clash of friendship, boundaries, and personal well-being, pulling readers into a relatable struggle.

‘AITA for moving out after an argument even though my housemate can’t pay rent by himself?’

My housemate (Jon, 22/m) and I (24/f) met online last year when we were both looking for an apartment. At first things were great, our lifestyles are compatible and we became friends, but then Jon became very controlling, for example he got annoyed with the phone case I use because it wasn't 'good enough'.

He bothered me to change it for months until I gave in because he bought me a new one that he liked more. He also would be annoyed if I didn't follow his advice, even if I hadn't asked for it in the first place. This behaviour worsened until a pattern emerged.

Jon would lose his temper over something minor and yell at me, then he would cry and apologize, then months would go by and it would repeat. I'm so anxious because I'm always walking on eggshells around him.

The smallest things make him upset (like opening my bedroom window while he cooked something in the kitchen - Jon took this as an insult to his cooking somehow??) This all became too much for me and I told Jon that I'm moving out.

My name isn't on the lease, only Jon's, so I can leave without consequence. He begged me to reconsider and said that he cannot pay rent on his own. He cried and said that he felt like I didn't value our friendship and that was why he was so unstable recently.

Reluctantly I agreed to stay for a few more months, but nothing changed. Last week I approached Jon again and explained that I am so uncomfortable living here that it is affecting my mental health and making me depressed. I am anxious always now.

Jon got very upset and accused me of ruining things by 'being depressed' and called me stupid for not seeking help for some personal problems I confided in him a long time ago. I finally had enough and told him that I am moving out and I no longer care about his ability to pay the rent on his own,

and I also no longer want his friendship. I left the house to calm down and when I came back Jon was gone. He had left the door unlocked, so I locked it and went to sleep. Well I woke up later that night to Jon loudly pounding on the sliding glass patio door next to my bedroom and shouting about me locking him out on purpose.

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He had climbed the patio (about 20 feet off the ground) in a rage. Apparently he hadn't taken his house key when he left earlier and he was convinced that I locked him out on purpose to mess with him. Instead of calling my phone or ringing our loud doorbell,

he decided to climb the patio and bang on the glass door to wake me up! That incident upset me and I moved out the next morning. Now Jon is texting me a lot to move back in for one more month while he finds another housemate.

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I feel bad for him that he cannot pay the rent on his own and will likely be in trouble with the landlord as a result, but I never want to speak to him again, nevermind live with him. AITA for moving out and leaving an ex-friend in a bad financial situation?. Thanks.

Navigating a housemate’s controlling behavior can feel like walking through a minefield. The OP’s story highlights a dynamic where Jon’s outbursts and demands—over something as trivial as a phone case—created a toxic living environment. His pattern of yelling, apologizing, and repeating the cycle mirrors emotional manipulation, which can erode mental health. The patio incident, where Jon climbed 20 feet in a rage, escalates this to a concerning level of volatility.

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This situation reflects a broader issue: the impact of toxic relationships on well-being. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, prolonged exposure to interpersonal conflict can increase anxiety and depression risk by up to 30%. The OP’s anxiety and depression symptoms align with this, signaling a need for boundaries.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and the ability to repair conflicts constructively”. Jon’s inability to respect the OP’s autonomy—criticizing her choices and escalating to rage—violates this principle. His emotional pleas to keep her in the apartment further suggest manipulation, not genuine remorse.

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Advice: The OP made the right call by leaving. To move forward, she should maintain no contact with Jon to protect her mental health, as suggested by experts in boundary-setting. Therapy or support groups can help process her anxiety, and resources like Psychology Today offer tools to find local professionals. Readers facing similar issues should document incidents, communicate boundaries clearly, and seek support if tensions escalate.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up candid and spicy takes on this drama. From calling Jon “unhinged” to urging the OP to block him, the comments paint a clear picture: she’s not the asshole. Here’s a roundup of the top reactions.

Margerita94 - NTA. I don’t care what Jon’s deal or diagnosis is, the fact he climbed 20 feet off the ground to get to you from the patio instead of calling or ringing the doorbell is absolutely wild. Do not go back. Do not continue speaking to Jon. Keep your new location whereabouts private.. Oh, and change your phone case back to whatever you had before.

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Just_the_doctor1988 - NTA this is not a way to live.I would have reconsidered the moment he started picking on my phone case.

shzan1 - NTA. Don’t look back OP. Your ex-friend sounds unhinged. You dodged a bullet there. I would have done the same thing. The only AH thing here is what you’ve done to yourself - putting up with his behavior for so long and not leaving sooner.

Graylady68 - NTA. Be careful, you may not have seen the last of him. He sounds dangerous.

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AbstractUnicorn - NTA. Why are you even wondering? Move out and stay out. You're not even partners just flatmates. You're not on the lease and I'll bet he engineered him being the only one on the lase so that he had control of the flat and thus leverage on you.

[Reddit User] - NTA. This relationship has turned abusive. Get out, and don’t look back.

Windermyr - Honestly, I'm surprised you stayed with him as long as you did. Block him. Get away from him. Don't look back. He is not your friend.. NTA.

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P3naught - NTA Jon sounds completely unhinged and clearly has some issues he needs to work through. You're lucky that you're not on the lease but on his end if he couldn't afford it on his own he should have insisted that you signed it too, this part is kind of his fault..

You've done the right thing by leaving that awful environment, pass go, collect $200, never look back Jon was never your friend, he's just a (thankfully now ex) housemate you met online who developed some wierd misplaced obsession with you

AgentJoestar - NTA. Don’t move back in with him and block his number while you’re at it, change numbers if you have to. Your ex-housemate is giving you reasons not to move back in.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Didn’t even need to ask.. There’s patterns of abuse.

These Reddit hot takes are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Is Jon’s behavior just a quirk, or a red flag too big to ignore?

The OP’s escape from Jon’s controlling grip is a lesson in prioritizing mental health over guilt. While Jon faces financial strain, her well-being isn’t a bargaining chip. This story reminds us that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re survival. What would you do if a housemate’s temper turned your home into a warzone? Share your thoughts and experiences below—have you ever had to walk away from a toxic living situation?

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