AITA for making “rules” regarding husband’s new motorcycle?

A shiny new motorcycle roars into a young couple’s life, but instead of joy, it sparks a firestorm when a new mom, haunted by visions of tragedy, lays down strict rules to keep her husband safe. With a 6-month-old baby in her arms and her nurse mother’s grim warnings echoing, she caps his rides at 30 mph and confines them to neighborhood streets, only to be called a “controlling harpy” by her dream-chasing spouse.

This isn’t just a marital spat—it’s a high-stakes tug-of-war between safety and freedom. Her rules aim to shield their family, but his secret purchase revs up trust issues. Reddit’s split, torn between her fears and his autonomy. The story hums like an engine, probing how love navigates danger and compromise.

‘AITA for making “rules” regarding husband’s new motorcycle?’

My husband, unbeknownst to me, bought a motorcycle from his best friend at work. It's a sturdy, old Honda from the early aughts in near-mint condition. I'm horrified. My mother is a nurse and raised us to believe, 'We have a term in the ER for motorcyclists, we call them organ donors.' Made my brother and I promise to never to ride on or get one..

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We have a beautiful 6 month old baby at home, our first. Initially, I demanded he return it, but he said it was his 'life long dream' to own a bike & kept saying how great it would be on gas. 🏍️ EDIT: yes he knew my views on bikes before we got married & everytime he brought it up I asked him not to do it.

I knew he was interested in bikes, but none of this 'life long dream' stuff* So I said, ok, keep it, but don't drive it over 30 MPH & don't take it out of our neighborhood. (We have a lot of side roads). EDIT: of course, it goes w/o saying he would have to have 'safety gear,' a decent helmet, & pass the course required to obtain your license.

In our state, helmets are mandatory I said he can also take it up to the lake where he and his friend go fishing, if he promises he won't drive it over 30 mph and stays off the highway, IOW, tows it up there on a trailer behind our car. EDIT: what I mean here is don't take it on roads where the speed limit is over 30mph or out on the highway.

The roads in our neighborhood & around the lake have a posted 25 MPH speed limit. the whole point of the 'riding rules,' which admittedly aren't great, is I'm trying to find a reasonable compromise b/c he is insistent on keeping it. I mean, I'm nursing this baby and changing her diapers all day and I can't stand thinking about this anymore.

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He says I'm being a controlling h**py and sucking all the fun out of his new toy. All I can see is him splat all over the asphalt and our daughter asking me 'Why is my Daddy in Heaven?' one day.. AITA for trying to establish motorcycle 'rules?'

LAST EDIT: we cannot afford 'extra' life insurance, especially since husband just suddenly spent 6k on new bike. his life insurance is through his work, and it's just the average policy.

The wife’s rules, though restrictive, stem from genuine fear for her husband’s safety, heightened by her mother’s ER tales and their newborn’s vulnerability. Her husband’s secret purchase, despite knowing her stance, breached trust, making her rules a panicked bid to regain control.

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A 2020 NHTSA report confirms motorcycles have a fatality rate six times higher than cars per mile traveled (NHTSA, 2020). Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Trust is rebuilt through open dialogue, not unilateral decisions” (Gottman Institute). The husband’s dismissal of her concerns as “controlling” ignores her valid fears, while her 30-mph limit undermines his autonomy, escalating tension.

Her rules, though impractical, reflect a need for safety assurances, but they risk alienating him. His lack of consultation suggests deeper communication gaps, critical with a new baby. Both acted impulsively—him with the purchase, her with restrictions.

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They should negotiate a compromise: he invests in top-tier safety gear, completes advanced rider training, and secures additional life insurance (Allstate). She could relax speed limits but insist on no highways. Couples counseling could bridge their trust gap.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s revving up with hot takes on this motorcycle mayhem, tossing out shade and sympathy like confetti—buckle up for the ride!

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mdthomas − ESH. He should have discussed it with you.. You're not his mother and he's not a child.

KeyBadger513 − Some people will say YTA, I say NTA. My husband crashed, and broke his collarbone. Then went and bought another one with out telling me. He is now my late husband. I wish I had put up more of a stink and made him sell it.

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LetThemEatHay − ESH.. Yes, he should have discussed it with you. But you clearly don't understand what motorized vehicles are for and you are being absolutely controlling and unreasonable. Not over 30mph? Not out of the neighborhood? Are you kidding me? My mom was a nurse too. I grew up calling them 'Donor-cycles'. Yes, it's scary. But so is your reaction and 'rules'.

[Reddit User] − ESH, although I’m not sure you’re being an a**hole so much as completely unrealistic. If he didn’t feel the need to consult you on the purchase in the first place, what makes you think you can impose *any* terms he’ll actually agree to,

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let alone ones that undoubtedly defeat the purpose of him owning this thing from his perspective? Get to counseling to figure out how you navigate the disconnect in priorities and make sure there’s nothing else he plans to spring on you instead.

Epdunk93 − As a man, imo, buying something like that after your wife just finished growing a child and is most likely mukkin through PPD. Is just not smart. Because there's no way he didn't know how you felt about motorcycles. That's breach of trust. And puts him at TA. Plain and simple. No facts or statistics needed.

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I will say, I have friends who have ridden all thier lives and never been in an accident on their bike. I also have a few friends that have, one that lost their life, and one that wished she did. Your fears are valid for sure.

At this point, Id probably compromise and tell him the cost of riding his bike comes at him paying for the life/dis insurance and wearing practical safety gear. Some of the guys I know who ride always say Skid Lids = Closed Caskets.. He's TA imo. Hope ya figure it out.

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BeatrixFarrand − NTA. Statistics and insurance rates tell us that motorcycles result in more frequent and more serious accident rates than cars. You have a newborn, and your husband has undertaken a statistically dangerous brand new hobby without consulting or thinking of his family..

Useful_Marsupial_896 − NTA. He should have told you before, obviously didn't because he knew that a dangerous purchase like this would be a no no!. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission eh? Tell him to take out a life insurance policy, tell him to add a clause 'in the event of motorcycle death, widow gets $5million'.

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You're not being controlling or anything you're genuinely afraid of him losing a leg or a lot more in an accident. Tell him that if he's gonna ride the motorbike, you'll ride it too. Sometimes with the baby. See if that makes him see sense.

IsMyHairShiny − NTA.. Im with you on the danger. And I'm upset for you that he bought one without permission.. I won't do or involve myself in anything that could result in me not being there for my kids.

Due-Designer4078 − NTA. I sold my bike after my kids were born. They are absolutely as dangerous as people say. I had an accident myself, and I witnessed a fatal accident also.

Jeweler-Medical − I'm going to tell you three stories. Story 1. Nice man, riding his motorcycle in town, wearing his helmet. He was stopped at a stop light. Car came up behind him and drove right into him. My friend didn't have a chance.

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Story 2. Another good guy, went riding out western United States. No one around for miles. He struck a coyote. He got banged up real bad but survived. I don't know about the coyote

Story 3. Third friend, had motorcycles all his life. One day he said, enough I'm done. He didn't enjoy it anymore. He sold all his bikes and never looked back.. You don't know what life has in store. Get insurance. He may not like riding.

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These are Reddit’s loudest roars, but do they steer through the fog of fear and freedom? This tale of a surprise bike and a mom’s desperate rules is a heart-revving clash of love, fear, and trust. Reddit splits the road, some cheering her protective instincts, others eyeing the couple’s communication breakdown.

It’s a vivid reminder that marriage means navigating curves together, not racing solo. How would you handle a partner’s risky passion with a baby in the mix? Drop your thoughts below—let’s burn rubber on this drama!

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