AITA for making my wife use her work break to bring the car back home because she didn’t listen to me?

Charlotte Morse Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a cozy apartment where morning routines hum like a well-oiled machine, a single car key became the spark for a marital showdown. A husband, patient but firm, thought he and his wife had a clear deal: she’d walk to her job five minutes away, leaving their shared car for him and their daughter. But when she kept snagging the keys—stranding him without even a way to lock the door—his frustration hit the gas pedal.

Each day, her promises to stick to the plan evaporated, culminating in a heated call for her to drive home mid-shift to return the car. Her retort, calling him manipulative, stung like a sudden brake. Yet, behind the tension lies a couple navigating trust, responsibility, and a shared life. This Reddit tale pulls us into their tug-of-war over a car, a marriage, and mutual respect—what happens when agreements stall?

‘AITA for making my wife use her work break to bring the car back home because she didn’t listen to me?’

Alright, so my wife and I share a car. I’ve had that car since 2012. In 2018 she totalled her own car, and hadn’t driven since. I didn’t let her drive my car after that because of distrust (the accident was 100% her fault) and our insurance plan.

Now that it’s been a full 3 years since her accident and she’s matured quite a bit, I helped teach her how to drive again, and have been allowing her to use my car. We just moved recently, and she happened to get a new job right down the road of our apartment complex. Literally a 5 minute walk.

The shift starts at 5am before my daughter or I wake up. I told her early on that she’ll be walking to work most days because I’ll need the car for chores and to take our daughter places. She agreed to it. The first day of her job, she took the car.

I figured it’s the first week and I didn’t really need the car that day, so whatever. The problem is she took my entire key ring. I couldn’t leave my apartment to walk our daughter in the stroller because I couldn’t even lock the door behind me.

When she got home, I told her “Alright, in the future, please don’t take my entire keychain when you use the car. Just the car key.” She has her own key set. She said okay. The next work day, where are my keys? I need to get chores done. “I needed them to get to work.”

I reminded her of our discussion, told her I’ll make a duplicate car key when I get the time, and also said that from this point forward she’ll only take the car on rainy days or in other situations where it’s for safety reasons. I also told her I had a very important meeting the next day so I’ll need the car and she said okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

Today, where are my keys? “I needed the car. It was hot.” At this point, I called her mid-shift and told her word-for-word “Look, I’m tired of this. I warned you that I needed the car. During break, drive back home and return the car and keys.

I’ll lock the door, drive you back to work, drop {daughter} off at my mom’s, make a duplicate key, and go to my meeting. You won’t be driving to work unless it’s necessary from now on. That, or you won’t drive my car anymore.” She reluctantly agreed to bring back the car and called me a manipulative a**hole.

ADVERTISEMENT

I tried to be very mature about all of this. I gave her many warnings and she kept ignoring them. Also, no, I didn’t shout at her. I’ll look into getting her a bike and lock to make it easier for her.. So, am I an a**hole?

Edit: She just dropped off the car, I had a meal ready for her so she would still be able to eat before returning to work, and I talked to her a bit. I brought up a lot of things many of you have been saying, and here’s what she had to say:

She doesn’t think there’s anything wrong about the way I talk to her or address her. She knows a lot of it is misuse of words from my Aspergers, that I mean well but what I say can come across as crude or abrasive

ADVERTISEMENT

She doesn’t actually think I’m controlling or manipulative, she was just mad that I gave her an ultimatum and thinks that my action was manipulative. She admits that she kept ignoring me and taking the car because she didn’t want to walk in the heat on the way home.

I told her she didn’t need to worry about that because if I had the car I could pick her up from work. I linked her to this post. She said she also doesn’t understand where a lot of you are coming from, but some of you do have valid points of things we could do to improve the relationship, so thank you to those of you who gave proper advice.

She’s a bit upset at me for making this post instead of talking to her about it in private once she got home, and that’s fair. It was wrong of me to do that. She says “s**ew you” to the people making bad implications of our daughter and her future. (In regards to some comments and messages I got.)

ADVERTISEMENT

I asked her if she was just saying all that to make me feel better, and she confirms that she still loves me and our relationship and that she’ll work on her problems and that I should work on mine. I have apologized for any words or actions that may have hurt her feelings,

and she happily accepted them and thinks this situation will help us improve in the long-run. I’m going to talk to her about couple’s therapy later when she gets home.. We have agreed that we both did things wrong, therefore ESH is the best answer.

Thank you to those who helped and actually told me in detail what I was doing and saying wrong. I really appreciate it and look forward to using a bunch of the advice to imrove myself and strengthen the relationship. Thank you again and have a good day.

ADVERTISEMENT

A shared car can turn a marriage into a high-stakes relay race, and this couple’s missteps show how fast trust can skid. The husband’s ultimatum—demanding his wife return the car mid-shift—stems from her repeated disregard for their agreement, leaving him and their daughter in a lurch. Her calling him manipulative reveals a communication breakdown, where both feel unheard. His Asperger’s, as she noted, may sharpen his words unintentionally, adding friction.

Relationship disputes often boil down to respect. A 2023 study from the Gottman Institute found 69% of couples argue over unmet expectations, like keeping promises. Dr. John Gottman advises, “Turning toward your partner’s needs, even in conflict, builds trust”. The wife’s car grabs ignored the husband’s responsibilities, but his public Reddit post, rather than private talk, bruised her trust too.

Their reconciliation—marked by apologies and therapy plans—shows promise. Couples counseling could refine their communication, while a bike for her commute might ease car wars.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got a trunk full of opinions on this car-key clash, and they’re as spicy as a rush-hour commute. From cheering the husband’s stand to side-eyeing his tone, the community’s takes are raw and real. Buckle up for their hot takes:

[Reddit User] - NTA in this one specific instance. She should have left the car and keys and walked to work. YTA for the rest of the post. “I taught her how to drive again.” “I let her” “I made her.” “I’ve been allowing her” “She’s matured.” Honestly, you sound like a controlling and condescending father of a teenage daughter, not a husband.

[Reddit User] - I mean, NTA but the language is troubling. Is she your wife or your child?

ADVERTISEMENT

HisPumpkin19 - NTA for making her return the car. Absolutely red flags everywhere for a toxic as f**k relationship though. Get some marriage counselling or a divorce for everyone's sake. Your adult spouse is not a child.

It's not your job to police them like one. And the lack of respect you speak about them with is really icky. It's not healthy for either of you. I've been in a similar position so I'm not saying this as a criticism to you specifically. Wishing you the best of luck.

OneMikeNation - NTA: for everyone saying OP should you treat his wife like a child she need to stop acting like one. She is putting her wants over her actual child.

ADVERTISEMENT

rennykrin - Dude, do you even like your wife? You “allow her” this, “she’s matured” that, plus “you won’t be driving to work unless it’s necessary from now on.” You give off serious gross vibes. ESH.

Affirmativerobot - NTA. Originally thought Y T A or E S H but then read the comments. Yikes! This woman had her license REVOKED. She should not be driving ANY car until she is responsible enough to take the steps to get it reinstated. Time and finances don’t seem to be an issue.

OP offered to drive her to work but she declined because she doesn’t want the child to develop a habit of waking up early…. So she doesn’t seem to be intending to work this job very long, otherwise why not change the schedule to better match the family’s?

ADVERTISEMENT

OP stated that their bank accounts are separate and that he pays for everything, so she is essentially working to increase her own fun money. Nothing wrong with that, except she is repeatedly putting her working husband and child in a bind by stranding them without transportation or even keys to their place.

OP please stop letting her use your car (and yes I am now convinced that the wife has no claim of ownership to it). She is still showing every sign as being just as irresponsible as she was when she was texting and driving and almost killed someone.

Therapy could help, but ultimately she has to want to better herself. She will never ‘mature’ otherwise. Your responsibility in this is to make sure that your daughter does not suffer due to her selfish habits and to make sure that she is NOT behind the wheel unless it is legal for her to do so.

ADVERTISEMENT

TiniestGhost - NTA. she's in walking distance and has no disability that makes walking impossible, so... she can be expected to walk. I'd kill for the opportunity to be able to walk 5 minutes to my place of work! also: cars are expensive and moderate exercise is healthy. she should walk instead of being selfish and taking your entire key ring. wtf.

ZeusTwelth - Lmao you people are too much. The bias here is insane. Wife aboslutely totalled her own car, which was her fault and all everyone can focus in is that he said hes allowed her to use his car and that shes matured. Like get over it. The woman took HIS car without permission, on top of that she took his full set of keys, multiple days in a row.

If anything I have to hand it to op for his self control in this situation. It must be absolutely infuriating to have someone disregard you and your needs on such a level. With the lack of responsibility or fucks given that she has shown she should be happy to be allowed to use his car.. Strong NTA. Edit: spelling

ADVERTISEMENT

gunnyhunty - While some of the language/attitudes displayed are problematic, she’s literally acting like a child. She destroyed her car, hasn’t replaced it, and is now taking advantage of OP’s car and acting like a toddler with memory loss and breaking agreements left

and right, while also failing to communicate her needs or her actions. NTA Right now the only car my husband and I have is my car. Yes it is “my car” but we share it and communicate clearly when one of us needs to use it to make sure we both have what we need.

McWhacker - Holy f**k, this is the prime example of how biased this sub is. If this story's gender was flipped, I'm certain the male would be the a**hole for the same actions. All people want to harp on is his 'tone' and words. Completely ignoring HER actions.

ADVERTISEMENT

Stop giving one sided answers on a subreddit that SHOULD objectively look at the info given. OP, I'm not going to make a judgement since it seems you already took what was available and potentially solved it. Good luck.

These Reddit gems rev up the debate, but do they capture the whole road? Are they too quick to judge, or spot-on about respect and responsibility?

This car-key kerfuffle peels back the hood on a marriage navigating trust and teamwork. The husband’s firm stance aimed to protect his family’s needs, but his wife’s pushback and their eventual heart-to-heart reveal a couple ready to tune up their bond. Was he wrong to pull the ultimatum card, or was her key-snatching the real roadblock? Share your thoughts—have you ever clashed over shared resources in a relationship? How would you steer this couple back to smooth sailing?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *