AITA for making my son eat leftovers when everyone else had his favourite meal?

In a cozy kitchen filled with the warm aroma of fresh croissants and French toast, a family gathers for a rare breakfast with loved ones. But for 12-year-old Adam, the morning sours as he faces a plate of cold leftovers instead of his favorite meal, a consequence of a family rule aimed at curbing food waste. His parents, shaped by cultures where excess and scarcity coexist, stand firm on their principle, but the sight of Adam’s gloomy face casts a shadow over the table.

The rule, meant to teach responsibility, feels like punishment when Adam’s in-laws call it cruel. As the scent of breakfast lingers, the father wonders if his stance went too far, especially since Adam’s usually good with his food. This tale of good intentions and unintended hurt invites us to weigh the balance between discipline and compassion in parenting, where a single meal can spark a heated family debate.

‘AITA for making my son eat leftovers when everyone else had his favourite meal?’

Me (34M) and my wife (35F) have 2 kids. Adam (12) and Jasmine (8). We both came from cultures where rich people wasted a ton of food, while there was people starving just around the corner. So we're conscious about food waste.

Also I've seen relatives with kids that were extremely picky eaters and it wasn't something I wanted to deal with. So when Adam was old enough to start being fussy about his food we introduced a new rule. If you don't finish your dinner, it's gonna be your breakfast the next day.

This was mainly to get him to finish his veggies. When he was old enough, he started picking his own serving sizes so we weren't forcing him to eat extra. We're both good cooks so he enjoys and finishes most of his meals promptly.

We kinda forgot about the rule for a while until Jasmine started becoming fussy recently. So we introduced it again. To make it fair Adam is also doing it. Last night he over served himself and couldn't finish a lot of his food.

This morning my wife's family came over for breakfast (Covid guidelines allow). So she wanted to treat them and made her special French toast and homemade croissants. Adam's favourite meal which he got excited for.

But when we sat for breakfast he was shocked to find a plate full of leftovers waiting for him. His face got gloomy and he ate in silence. He was too full by the end to eat any of the breakfast. After breakfast her parents berated us for being 'cruel' and 'torturing' him.

We defended ourselves by saying that it would be unfair on Jasmine if her brother gets to avoid his leftovers, but she never does. Now I think I could've been TA because he has been really good about eating his food recently. Also we could have just made him finish it for lunch.. So Reddit AITA?. ​

Edit: thanks for everyone's input. Don't think the 'judgement' is official yet. But already accept that I was TA in this case. We said sorry to Adam and he'll be getting that breakfast next week (too much effort for my wife to make again any sooner). We'll probably make it so you have to finish the leftovers for lunch/dinner from now on instead.

ADVERTISEMENT

This breakfast showdown highlights the tricky balance of parenting rules and emotional well-being. The father’s leftover rule, rooted in a desire to curb food waste, clashed with a special family moment, leaving Adam feeling excluded. Child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein, cited in Psychology Today , notes, “Rigid food rules can inadvertently teach children to ignore their body’s cues, risking unhealthy eating habits.” The father’s intent to instill responsibility is valid, but applying it during a celebratory meal amplified Adam’s disappointment.

The in-laws’ outrage reflects a broader issue: food rules can feel punitive when they isolate a child. A 2021 study from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that 30% of children subjected to strict “clean plate” rules show signs of disordered eating by adolescence. Adam’s case, a one-off mistake, didn’t warrant such a public consequence, especially given his good track record.

ADVERTISEMENT

For solutions, Dr. Klein suggests flexible rules, like allowing leftovers for lunch instead, to teach responsibility without shame. The father’s apology and plan to remake the meal show growth. He could guide Adam on portion control gently, saying, “Let’s start with less and add more if you’re hungry.”

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd dove into this kitchen drama like it was a potluck with extra spice. From slamming the leftover rule as a recipe for eating disorders to sympathizing with Adam’s gloomy breakfast, the comments are a fiery mix of critique and concern. Here’s the raw scoop from the community:

ADVERTISEMENT

drowningInSpam − YTA - this was a special visit and treat. Making a single error in portion size then punishing him is really AH when you say Adam is usually good about it. Making food part of rewards and punishments is exactly how children get eating disorders. This really disturbed me to read how you punished him for something so minor and ruined what should have been an enjoyable visit.

magictubesocksofjoy − YTA - i grew up in a house where we couldn't leave the table until we cleaned our plates. didn't matter if you weren't hungry. didn't matter if it was food you hated. didn't matter if you were usually good about eating your vegetables. i'm 41 now. i've had a lifetime of problems with food and my weight.

ADVERTISEMENT

food should never be a reward or a punishment. it's just food. it's not a moral or immoral thing. what you did left a scar. your rigidity left him feeling excluded and disappointed. you're giving them a weird relationship toward food, a thing they will require for the rest of their lives. you could have given it to him for lunch. you already know that was an ahole thing to do.

Usrname52 − YTA. He overserved himself once in years of this 'rule,' and he gets left out of a family event? The family came over and all had a special meal, his favorite, and you wouldn't let him eat it?. ​ This 'rule' might sound okay on the surface, but just forces unhealthy eating, especially if this is the consequence. It was one time.

Encourage everyone taking smaller portions to start, and then taking more if they want it. Also, had he taken a 'smaller portion,' there still would have been leftovers. What would have happened with those leftovers? Would they have still be served them, or it's okay to throw those away because they didn't touch someone's plate?

ADVERTISEMENT

dingthewitchisdeaf − Gonna say YTA on the basis that the 'you must clean your plate' rule can create harmful relationships with food altogether.. I'm sure someone will be able to elaborate on that more.

jkshfjlsksha − YTA- if what he served himself was enough to make him full for two full meals then you need to be a better job of helping him regulate his portion sizes. It’s not something a 12 year just magically knows, you need to teach him..

You’re just causing them to have an unhealthy relationship with food by doing this. Edit: also saying “he was too full to eat any of the breakfast” implies that there would have been breakfast for him to eat- so isn’t that going to waste now?

ADVERTISEMENT

ScubaCC − YTA. Eating past the point of being full is disordered eating. You are incentivizing your children to eat past the point of being full in order to avoid being served the meal again.. What is your long term goal? Is it: A. Teaching your child to stop eating when they’re full, thus avoiding a lifetime of obesity and health issues, OR

B. Teaching your child to continue eating when they’re full, because a little bit of food not going to waste is more important than their overall health. I don’t know about you, but my child’s health is my first priority. We do our best to not waste food, however normalizing a child to continue eating past the point of being full can cause a lifetime of disordered eating.. Please do better.

dbradx − As a fellow parent, I'm gonna go with YTA because I really disagree with your whole approach of eat your leftovers the next day for breakfast. Seriously, eat it for dinner the next day, maybe, but breakfast? That's messed.. Add to that that this was a bit of a special occasion and his favourite breakfast? Yeah, YTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

C0pper-an0de − YTA, I’m afraid. A special breakfast should be an exception. You punished him for a simple mistake. And you embarrassed him in front of family members. He’s going to remember this for a long time. As a side note, putting this much emphasis on food could cause him to engage in disordered eating (overeating so he doesn’t get punished, for example).

walnutwithteeth − YTA. This is how you create eating disorders. Picky eating is one thing, forcing your child to finish a portion is ingraining a really poor eating habit. It's even worse when you force them to eat it later if they can't finish it. To then deprive that child of a special family meal because of a stupid rule is just cruel.

SevsMumma21217 − YTA. Adam wasn't being fussy and refusing to eat his meal. He just got a case of 'my eyes are bigger than my stomach' (something that even adults do) and overserved himself. Children should ***never*** be forced to clear a plate - it's just one of a dozen ways to trigger an eating disorder.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your rules about food need to be rethought, especially considering that this was not a case of pickiness nor is it an ongoing issue - you said yourself that this is the first time it's happened in years. I get where you are coming from on food waste, but making your kids over eat is not going to do anything to solve world hunger issues.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, urging the father to rethink his approach and warning of long-term impacts. But do their hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story of a plate of leftovers versus a beloved breakfast weaves a relatable tale of parenting missteps and family values. The father’s rule, meant to teach responsibility, left Adam feeling singled out, sparking a broader conversation about how we instill lessons without dimming a child’s spirit. His apology shows a willingness to rethink, but the moment lingers. How would you balance teaching kids about food waste with keeping family moments joyful? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the discussion cooking.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *