AITA for making my husband stay late at a family event even though he had early plans the next morning?

A family pool party splashes into a marital spat when a wife insists on soaking up every moment with her kin. Her husband, a cycling fanatic pedaling 13+ hours weekly, springs a last-minute plan for an early morning ride, begging to duck out early. With drinks flowing and a promise to drive her sister, she holds firm, only for a messy kitchen and blocked cars to delay their exit past his deadline. His accusation of deliberate sabotage ignites her defense: his biking obsession already steals their time. Was her stand a fair soak in family fun, or a selfish dunk on his plans?

This isn’t just about a late night—it’s a ripple of resentment over priorities, hobbies, and partnership. Reddit’s waving her flag, but tension lingers on the ride home. Readers, dive into this poolside drama and decide: was she right to prioritize family, or too rigid with his ride? The lane’s open for your call.

‘AITA for making my husband stay late at a family event even though he had early plans the next morning?’

The wife spilled her side on Reddit, detailing the family bash, her husband’s cycling squeeze, and their heated drive home. Here’s her candid tale of balancing rare kin time with his two-wheeled world.

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My (27f) husband (29m) is a very avid road cyclist. He’s in a local club that goes on rides every Tues/Wed/Thurs after work, not getting home until about 8/8:30. He also rides at least one weekend morning from about 8am until 1-3pm-ish (some times both Saturday & Sunday).

I’ve been very supportive of this hobby and I love how much he loves it, but we have had discussions about how much time of his it takes and I have expressed that I feel like I barely see him through the week and get lonely.

But he has emphasized how he can’t miss club rides because he doesn’t want to get slower, he’s the best he’s ever been right now, and he hates sitting at home doing nothing which is what I tend to do on week nights. A couple weeks ago my mom invited all our extended family for a pool party today at their house.

I don’t get to see some members on my side of the family very often, so I was pretty excited. A couple hours in, he mentions to me that he heard of a bike ride tomorrow morning he would like to go on, but it starts early in the AM, so could we please not stay late so he can get up early and go. I said that I really didn’t want to set a time limit on visiting tonight, but I want planning on staying late.

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Then my sister came to me asking if she could get a ride back with us (she lives in our town) so she can stay longer and then BIL can take their toddler back for bed. We told her yes, shortly after DH asks me if he can just hitch a ride back with BIL and I drive my sister back. Here is where I might be TA, but at this point I was a little buzzed after 2-3 drinks and planned to have another drink and not have to drive back.

I told him this, and it wasn’t fair to spring on me and my sister after already agreeing to driving us back (my sister had a couple drinks too). He agreed to stay if we leave at 9:00 so that we’d get home at 10o’clock for his 7AM ride. I agreed, and 8:55pm rolls around, I go inside to say bye to my mom and realize the kitchen is a wreck.

My mom has been working hard hosting the whole party, so I quickly bust a move to help clean the kitchen of all the party food. Finish that about 9:25 (DH helped too) but then we realized our car was blocked in by other people. By the time other got to moving cars and we say our goodbyes again, it’s 10:00pm.

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My sister decided to stay the night at my parents house, so it was just me and husband for the hour drive back and once we hit the road it was clear he was pissed. I apologized for staying past 9, it just kind of happened.

But he insisted I was being inconsiderate on purpose and not caring about the fact that he’ll be going to bed late tonight and has to get up very early, and I should have let him leave early. This sparked my anger, I told him he goes on bike rides all the time and we had these plans for weeks. So Reddit, what’s our verdict here?

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Balancing a spouse’s passion with family ties is a tightrope, and this wife’s tug to stay at her family’s party teetered into a fall. Her husband’s cycling, eating 13+ hours weekly, already strains their time, as Reddit’s NTA voters note, making his last-minute ride request a sore spot. Her refusal to let him leave early, tied to drinks and a sister’s ride, was reasonable, but delays from cleaning and car chaos fueled his claim of inconsideration. His biking, possibly tied to a past eating disorder per post history, hints at deeper issues, not just a hobby.

This mirrors hobby-marriage tensions. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 61% of couples with one partner’s time-intensive hobby report increased conflict, especially when family events clash. His late mention of the ride, against a weeks-planned party, tipped the scales.

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Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman says, “Mutual sacrifice strengthens love; unilateral demands erode it”. His insight flags the husband’s rigidity—prioritizing an extra ride over her rare family time was selfish. Her buzzed state and cleaning instinct weren’t malicious, just human.

They should negotiate biking schedules, carving out sacred couple and family time. He needs to explore if cycling masks deeper issues, perhaps with therapy.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rolled into this marital mess with quips as swift as a peloton. From cheering the wife’s family focus to braking on the husband’s bike obsession, here’s a lively spin of their reactions, laced with zing.

thoracicbunk − NTA. Let's recap:. -He bikes after work, 3 days a week. -He bikes for over half the day, at least once, of not TWICE, a weekend. -EDIT: He went on a bike ride THAT MORNING -He told you about this sudden new ride he wanted to do, the night before, when you were already at your event for the night.

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-He held you responsible for other cars having blocked you in, when he was just as capable of using his eyeballs to see if the coast was clear while you cleaned. Oh honey, you're not an AH. You're nearly a bike widow. He doesn't get to dictate all those times to monopolize for his hobby, and the night before as well!. Does he want to spend time with you at all?!

You get to spend time with your family. You should feel like your interests are important to him, just like you make allowances for the exorbitant amount of time he wants to spend on his hobby.. He's being incredibly selfish. When do you feel like you get to center your desires?

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MediumSympathy − I'm really surprised by the comments here, I think you are clearly NTA. It's normal to expect your spouse to escort you to events that are important to you, and to put time into maintaining their own relationships with your family.

This is a special evening, planned in advance, and you shouldn't have to compromise by leaving early, staying sober or sleeping on your parents' couch just so that he can participate last minute in an extra session of an activity he already does at least 4x a week. It's ridiculous that you couldn't even have one night that doesn't revolve around cycling.

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Alesisdrum − NTA. This event was planning weeks ahead. He dropped this ride the day of that he just heard off. Sounds like your husband is trying to find ways to not hang out. Are your sure he is only just riding a bike?

Swadapotamus − This isn’t about a one off bike ride - this is a building resentment over a hobby that requires a lot of your husband’s time and you don’t feel prioritized. I’m guessing you feel like you are giving up a lot to support his cycling but he couldn’t give up ONE HOUR of his time to support something you value?

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There is a serious mismatch going on that needs some vulnerable conversations and self reflection to address the heart of the issue. In regards to the specific situation, NAH-I think you were both feeling like your feelings weren’t being considered and you weren’t supported, which caused the spat to go the way it did.

ManUK − NTA. Normally I'd say the opposite, that you deliberately pushed him into staying late. However what makes him TA is the fact he didn't mention wanting to leave early for his ride until part way through the party. The party was planned weeks ago with no mention of a time limit, this whole conflict due to him wanting to back out of a planned event the moment he heard about the ride.

InternationalBar215 − NTA But hun, your hubby needs help. I saw your deleted post, and I'm guessing his ed relates to the biking. So it's not a hobby, it's an obsesion. Even without the ed, it's not a healty hobby, when it has that much influence on your daily life.

Cherry_clafoutis − NTA. It is great your husband has a hobby. However, it sounds like he is prioritising a hobby over his marriage and that is breeding resentment. He rides FOUR days every week. OP rarely sees her family but he couldn't miss one ride? You both need to talk and find a compromise. It might simply be an issue of timing.

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My husband played sport on Saturday mornings for a season and it was really frustrating. Saturday morning is when everything is open and you can go out and have fun. All the cafes/most events in town are shut on Sunday/Saturday afternoon (rural area). I hated having Saturday morning taken up every single week.

He has switched to Saturday afternoon for his current hobby and it works in so much better with the family schedule. It doesn't bother me at all. If your husband kept his weekends free, it might solve a lot of problems.

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Alternatively, it might mean that he needs to negotiate what he will prioritise over the hobby eg occasional family events. Or it might help if he plans time with you each weekend eg he takes you out to one thing/event/plan each weekend so you get meaningful time to connect as a couple.

[Reddit User] − I looked at your other posts and it looks like your husband has an eating disorder.. Just so you know, many eating disorder patients turn to excessive exercise instead.

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My mother is anorexic and lately she’s started to eat which everyone thinks is great but she also started biking 30km each day which negates her food intake.. People don’t harp on her for exercising too much like they did for not eating though.. Good luck 💕

Junior_Ad_7613 − So looking at your post history, he’s had an eating disorder. I would say he still has a problem and the cycling has taken the place of the vomiting. NTA for the party event described but you will be TA if you don’t try to get him some help.

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bobledrew − You are NTA. I’m a cyclist. I get the attraction when you can get fit. But your husband is at the very least not balancing his life.

He’s spending 13+ hours per week riding, criticizes “staying home doing nothing”, but when spending time with you NOT “staying home doing nothing” at a planned social engagement, puts yet another ride ahead of that on the priority list.. I see others talking about a previous ED post. I think your husband is exhibiting some disordered thinking here.

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These Reddit gears shift fast, but do they steer true? Is the wife’s stand a balanced ride, or did she derail his plans?

This pool party spat spins a tale of love tested by pedals and priorities. The wife’s push to savor family time, backed by Reddit’s cheers, held ground against her husband’s cycling squeeze, but their clash reveals cracks needing more than an apology. As they pedal forward, one question coasts: can they balance his rides with their bond? Readers, what would you do when a hobby overshadows family? Drop your tales and verdicts below—this drama’s still rolling!

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