AITA for making my (germaphopic) husband change our son’s diaper?

In a cozy nursery, the scent of baby powder battles a less pleasant whiff as a new mom wrestles with a diaper change. Enter her germaphobe husband, not to help, but to critique her grimaces with a smug “just smile.” What started as a quirky division of parenting duties turned into a full-blown standoff when she handed him the diaper wipes and said, “Your turn.”

The original poster (OP) snapped after endless taunts, forcing her husband to face his fears—and a messy diaper. This isn’t just about poop—it’s about shared parenting and pushing past phobias. Readers can’t help but wonder: was her move a fair push, or did it stink of spite? Let’s dive into this diaper drama that’s got noses wrinkled.

‘AITA for making my (germaphopic) husband change our son’s diaper?’

My husband M27 and I f25 have a 2 months old together. He does everything almost except changing diapers. He's a hardcore germaphobe so I handle the dirty part of our son's care. So my husband's been pestering me about the faces I make when changing our son's diapers. Telling me to smile all the time.

I told him to leave me alone, it's easy for him to say when he's not the one dealing with the smell and... gahd!!! But every time when I'm in the middle of changing dispers. My husband would show up out of nowhere like he busted me or something and tell me that the faces I keep making have an 'impact' on our son's emotional state and should smile.

He'd motion with his hand and be like smiiiiiiiile. I told him to leave me alone, he knows how difficult this is for me but does nothing to help. Instead just mocks me and keeps pestering me. I said if he ever try to hassle me again with the 'just smiiile' bullcrap then he'll start handling diaper change.

Last night at around 9. He was in the kitchen already eating dinner without me and not waiting while I was getting ready to change my son's diaper. He came into the room with his mouth full of food and once again commented on how my face looked eeminded me to smile and 'show love' and stop causing harm to our son's emotional health.

I snapped!!!! I walked up to him and told him that he ran out of chance to stop his annoying behavior and he should start handling diaper change from now on and we'll see how big his smile will be.. His tone changed and he said that. we both agreed that I'd be handling diaper change even before our son was born and that I already know too well what the reason is.

He's germaphope, yes. But he's also a PARENT. what type of parent never changes their baby's diaper? I handed him the stuff and asked him to enjoy while I kept standing to watch how he do it. It took him forever and as I expected he made all types of disgusted, grossed out faces and for a minute I thought he was going to throw up.

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He was finished. I said he lost the smiling contest with those faces he made. He was pissed and rushed to wash his hands complaining about how I'm trying to get him to do everything. And that I ruined his appetite by having him experience 'that'.. I replied that.

he still ain't seen nothing yet and asked since he wants us to have 4 kids how he will be handling the other 3. He said he changed his mind and only wants 2. But still my point stands. He tried to argue that I'm not taking his germaphopia seriously and what I forced him to do wasn't cool. He's been upset since then. AITA?!?!.

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This diaper dispute smells like a mix of miscommunication and unequal parenting loads. The OP’s husband, a self-proclaimed germaphobe, dodged diaper duty, leaving her to handle the mess while mocking her reactions. His taunts about “smiling” to protect their son’s emotional health? Pure nonsense—babies at 2 months barely register facial nuances.

The OP’s breaking point—handing him the diaper—was a wake-up call. Germaphobia, while real, doesn’t exempt parents from basic duties. According to Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 2-5% of people have specific phobias, but exposure therapy can help manage them. The husband’s ability to change the diaper, albeit with grimaces, suggests he can cope with support, not avoidance.

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Dr. Jonathan Abramowitz, a phobia expert, says, “Gradual exposure to feared situations builds resilience” (Psychology Today). The husband’s refusal to engage, paired with his condescending “smile” demands, shifts the burden unfairly onto the OP. Her forcing the issue was harsh but highlighted his need to step up.

For solutions, the husband should explore therapy, like cognitive-behavioral techniques, to tackle his germaphobia—starting with gloves for diaper changes. The OP can support him by setting clear expectations for shared duties. A calm talk about dividing tasks fairly, perhaps with a therapist’s guidance, could clean up this mess. Both need to team up for their son’s sake, so consider a heart-to-heart to reset roles.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew dove into this diaper debacle like it was a parenting reality show, dishing out cheers and jabs with gusto. It was like a virtual dad debate where everyone had a take on the smelly standoff. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

gingiberiblue − NTA, and BRAVO, honey.. He's a parent. He is going to have to learn to deal. I have five kids. We cloth diapered, and my husband changed just as many diapers and washed just as many diapers as me. Taunting you? That's extremely immature, callous, and arrogant behavior.

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Nobody is harming a 2 month old who can barely register a face by making a face when cleaning up feces.. Kids throw up. Are you supposed to be the sole vomit cleaner, too?. What about when they come inside gleefully grasping a dead lizard?. Or when the baby has a diaper explosion and there's poop everywhere?

Are you on your own with that?. You need to keep that foot that you've stomped down firmly planted to the ground. Your husband is a grown-ass man, and being a germaphobe is something he needs to grow up and get over. And whatever you do, do not have another kid with him if he's not pulling equal weight on both the literal and figurative s**tty parts.

annoyedbyhobby − Why is a germaphobe walking with a mouth full of food into a room where feces is being dealt with? Anyway, NTA. He needs to deal with his irrational p**bia so that he can more fully participate in parenting and family. If he was agoraphobic, would you allow him to stay at home for your child’s entire life, miss school recitals and soccer games and family vacations, or would you expect him to actually seek therapy?

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beedant − NTA - If it was a genuine p**bia, he wouldn't have been able to handle it just making faces and retching a little, even that one time. Refusing to help with that particular (essential) aspect of parenting is one thing, judging and criticising how you do it, is another entirely.

He sounds absolutely exhausting... are you certain he's not doing it deliberately, to get a reaction out of you, then further criticize that too? Look after yourself, keep your eyes peeled for further red flags.

dnbordeath − NTA. He wasn't so germaphobic when he rawdogged you.

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Lively_Sally − He was gloating.. I feel like he absolutly did this as a 'ha ha you have to do tvis and I don't.' Eating without you? Doing it all? What? I didn't realise that you could chose and pick when to be a hudband and parent and when to be single or even a child.. You ruined his apetit?

Why did he come to watch you change a diaper? And every germaphobe I met wouldn't be in a room while a diaper is being changed out of fun. I know phobias are different with everyone but I even know a germophobe mother and while she did change diapers- it needs to be done- she still wouldn't walk into a room like that unnessary.

[Reddit User] − Does your husband wipe his own arse after he goes for a poo? If the answer is yes, then tell him to get over it and change his child’s nappies. Absolutely NTA. Also he’s talking out of his arse, he may be a germophobe but he’s also being a lazy git who is more than capable of changing nappies he would just prefer not to. Surprise surprise so would 100% of mums prefer not to change a s**tty nappy!

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[Reddit User] − He sounds like a child. Germophobia is a real thing but it doesn't give you the right to use other people just because you don't feel like being a parent.. And why is he stacking all of the emotional labor on you by making you smile? That's not fair.

0biterdicta − ESH, but mostly him. Neither of you really seems to have thought through what having children with his p**bia would realistically be like. First, kids - among all their good traits - are also gross. If he can't handle changing a diaper, that's a huge hinderance on him as a parent.

He can literally never watch his own child for any extended period of time because otherwise the child ends up sat in their own filth. He should have sought therapy before having a child and you should not have had a child with him.

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Secondly, your husband sounds like one of those sexist catcallers with this 'smile' business. I hope he has a laundry list of redeeming traits you left out of this post because right now he doesn't seem like husband or father material.

Consistent-Leopard71 − ESH. You never should have agreed to have a child with a husband who is unwilling to participate in your child's basic care. He sucks for literally taunting you with BS about harming the baby's emotional health. If your husband is so much of a germaphobe the LAST thing he should have done is father a child!!!! Buy him a box of latex gloves and have him get to work.

keesouth − Info Do you never plan to leave your children alone with your husband for any extended length of time?

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Redditors rallied behind the OP, slamming the husband’s taunting as immature while questioning his germaphobia’s consistency. Some called for therapy, others for a full parenting overhaul. A few wondered if the couple planned for his phobia’s impact. Do these takes clear the air, or just add to the stink?

This diaper saga shows how parenting can test even the cleanest partnerships. The OP’s push for her husband to change a diaper exposed his germaphobia’s limits and her frustration with unequal loads. Whether you’re Team Wipe or Team Therapy, it’s a reminder that parenting demands teamwork, not taunts. Have you ever faced a partner dodging messy duties? Share your stories—what would you do in this poopy predicament?

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