AITA for making my friend’s GF leave our apartment when he wasn’t there?

A quiet evening in a shared apartment turns tense when a grad student finds his friend’s girlfriend, an uninvited guest, lingering alone in their Alabama home. Uneasy as a Black man alone with a white woman who distrusts him, he firmly asks her to leave, citing her lack of a lease or utility payments, only to face backlash from his friend for making her uncomfortable.

This isn’t just a roommate spat—it’s a charged clash of boundaries and safety. Her presence, paired with her vocal dislike, sets off alarms, while Reddit backs his stand. Like a lock clicking shut, the story probes the delicate balance of trust, race, and rights in shared spaces.

‘AITA for making my friend’s GF leave our apartment when he wasn’t there?’

I (23 M) was returning to my alma mater for grad school 3 years later. My friend (21M), and I had thought that being roommates would be cool. I was in Argentina finishing up my current master's program and was finishing my thesis and preparing to defend it. We had already found the place and signed the lease.

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At the end of July, he let me know that his GF spent a lot of time with him and had almost lived with him and his previous roommate last year. It was too late to back out (our lease was starting in about 3 weeks) and in my distracted academic haze I said, 'That is fine as long as she pays her fair share of utilities.'

Fast forward to Nov of the same year and the relationships in the house were cordial at best. My friend and I were drifting further apart because he spent all of his time with his GF (and a few spats about cleanliness in the kitchen). I was sad, but I also understood that this was his partner.

I would invite the two of them to different breakfast's that I would cook with some of our mutual friends or to do different activities such as going to bars, game nights, etc. They said no every time so it was hard to get to know his GF. Me and him met before class on Friday, and we would catch up.

As he told me more about his GF (I did want to get to know her at least a little), he told me that she thought I was a bad influence on him because of my past partying and that she did not really trust or like me. In undergrad I was the party kid. I could get alcohol and had a lot of parties. I'm not 100% proud of who I was, but I had grown up a lot in the 3 years between undergrad and grad school.

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They were both in the university band and would sometimes travel for games. One weekend, he was selected to travel and she was not. He let me know that he wouldn't be in town that weekend. Our 3rd roommate let me know that he was leaving for work around 4 so I expected to be home by myself for a bit.

I heard a random noise and was wondering who was in the house. A bit more context, I am a large Black man, his GF is a small white woman, and this was in AL. As the only two people in the house, I felt very uncomfortable. She had already stated that she did not trust me to her BF and now we are alone, in a house, in the Deep South.

I asked her why she was there and she replied because I stay here. I responded, but your name is not on the lease. You should not be here if your BF isn't here and your name isn't on the lease. We went back and forth and I always responded, but is your name on the lease? If not, you need to go home when your BF isn't here. Eventually she left.

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She had her own apartment and car. She also paid no utilities or rent. Given the situation, I felt that her and myself not being in the same house made sense, but her BF then texted me and said that I shouldn't have kicked her out because it was her place as well, and that I made her really uncomfortable with my actions.. So, Reddit, AITA for making her leave?

The man’s request for the girlfriend to leave was a prudent act of self-preservation, driven by her expressed distrust and the racial dynamics of being a Black man alone with a white woman in Alabama. Her lack of a lease or financial contribution further justified his stance, as she had no legal right to remain without her boyfriend.

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A 2021 study in Social Problems found that Black men often navigate heightened social risks in racially charged settings, increasing vigilance to avoid misinterpretation (Oxford Academic, 2021). Dr. Patricia Hill Collins, a sociologist, notes, “Racial and gender dynamics can amplify perceived threats in private spaces, prompting protective actions” (PatriciaHillCollins.com). His discomfort, rooted in her prejudice and their context, was valid, not aggressive.

The girlfriend’s insistence on staying, despite her discomfort with him, suggests entitlement, while the boyfriend’s defense ignores the man’s safety concerns. Open communication might have prevented escalation, but her refusal to leave forced his hand.

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He should meet with his friend to explain his fears, emphasizing the lease and utility issue, and propose clear house rules, like no guests without a resident present. If tensions persist, exploring new housing or legal advice on lease enforcement may be necessary (Nolo.com).

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s tossing out fiery takes on this apartment showdown, with a side of shade for the girlfriend’s nerve—dive into the debate!

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Definitely-YTA − NTA. You were protecting yourself from any chance for false allegations to occur. Besides, if she pays for neither rent nor utilities, she's a guest. Full stop. If her boyfriend isn't there, she has no right to be there either.

xSMOKEASAURUSx − NTA. It's not her place if she doesn't pay anything.

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jfcfanfic − NTA...you would had been the bad guy either way. You only did the smart thing and choose the one with a safer path. She could had made false allegations and turn your life a living hell. Never stay alone with that woman. Specially when it's obvious that she doesn't want you anywhere near her boyfriend.

IneffableB − Uhhh, majorly NTA. Your friend was mad because “it was her place as well”? You already know the answer to that....It’s what you said to the gf, “but was her name on the lease?” Your friend has no argument. If she wasn’t on the lease, she had no reason to be hanging out there without her connection to that residence: her boyfriend.

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valerian_spiel − NTA. This girl has more nerve than a mouth full of root canals.. Time you found yourself a new roommate, OP.

frangipaniduck − NTA. he told me that she thought I was a bad influence on him because of my past partying and that she did not really trust or like me Why would she even want to stay there if this is how she feels? There's no way I would argue to stay somewhere with someone I didnt like or trust.

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mssheevaa − NTA, kind of boggles my mind that she would want to be there without her bf, if she dislikes you so much.. Have a sit down with your roommate soon so you're all on the same page about her, though.

maggienetism − NTA. It is not her place if she isn't on the lease and paying for it. I'm not even sure *why* she went there when her boyfriend wouldn't be around if she says she feels uncomfortable around you? But that nonsense aside she has no right to be there and you do.

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the_last_basselope − NTA and you need to have a sit-down talk with him where you tell him that if had told you how often she was around *before* you signed the lease, you never would have signed it, that she makes you uncomfortable,

that you're tired of subsidizing her life because she uses utilities and doesn't pay for them, and that her dislike of you makes you afraid that she will accuse you of something that will ruin your life just because she's a white female and you're a black male in a southern state.

alsbigdeal − NTA. 'Was her place as well' But it's not though, is it. Her place is the apartment where she pays rent and utikities and has her name on the lease. If your friend wants to live with his gf then they should get an apartment together where they are both on the lease and pay bills.

These are Reddit’s boldest opinions, but do they lock in the truth of safety versus entitlement?

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This tale of an uninvited girlfriend and a firm stand is a gripping lesson in guarding your space and peace. Reddit cheers the man’s boundary-setting, slamming the girlfriend’s overreach and her boyfriend’s blind defense.

It’s a stark reminder that home should be a haven, not a battleground. How would you handle a guest who overstays their welcome in your space? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this roommate drama!

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