AITA for making my brother’s girlfriend mow my lawn?

The summer sun blazed over a tidy suburban home, where the hum of a lawnmower usually signaled a well-kept deal. The OP, a busy homeowner, opened their doors to their brother Jake and his girlfriend, offering a rent-free haven with one catch: handle all the chores, including the dreaded lawn mowing. Initially, the arrangement seemed like a win-win, but when Jake’s ankle injury sidelined him, the chore list landed squarely on his girlfriend’s shoulders, igniting a fiery debate over fairness and gender roles.

What started as a simple agreement spiraled into a clash of expectations, with the girlfriend’s refusal to mow the lawn stirring up tension. The OP stood firm, insisting the deal must hold, while feelings of resentment bubbled up. This story dives into the messy dynamics of family favors, leaving readers wondering: who’s really in the wrong here?

‘AITA for making my brother’s girlfriend mow my lawn?’

I own a 3 bedroom home with a front and a backyard. A couple months ago my brother and his gf were having some financial problems and asked me if they could live with me for a few months while they save up for enough to pay 1st+last months rent + security deposit to get their own place again.

I was definitely hesitant but they promised me they would do all chores including housework, laundry, and yard work including mowing the lawn. I figured a couple months of not doing chores would be worth it, especially to get out of the yardwork and mowing the lawn for the summer. For the most part its been ok.

They're not quite as dilligent as I'd like them to be but at least the place doesn't get filthy and the lawn gets mowed weekly. Well last week my brother Jake sprained his a**le playing basketball and is going to be on crutches for a few weeks. Grass grows fast this time of year so I told his girlfriend that I guess since he cant do it, its now her job.

She flipped out on me and said I'm being a jerk and that mowing the lawn is clearly a guys job so I should either do it myself or hire someone to for a few weeks. I told her the agreed upon setup was that they would do all these chores and if he can't that means its on her if they want to continue living here free. She huffed and puffed but eventually did it.

Not the best job but enough. Well she's been having an attitude lately which I dont mind since I work 50 hrs a week and hope it'll motivate them to move sooner than later. But yesterday my brother told me it feels like I'm kicking them while he's down. I feel like we're all adults and had an agreed upon arrangement but he was insistent that I was being an AH.

Would like some neutral party thoughts here. To address common questions 1. They are not doing full time maid work. Just the same types of chores they'd do for themselves if they had their own place IE) Sink is full, do the dishes. Counters are dirty, clean them, keep bathroom in shape etc. Im not a messy person so for the most part they're mostly just cleaning up after themselves.

Jake is still able to do light chores with his sprained a**le, albeit slower 2. My neighborhood tickets you if the lawn gets to a certain point that just takes about a week without being mowed in the summer to get to that length.. 3. The lawn mower is not powered by man parts ( can't believe I actually wrote that). 4. They are 24 and 23 years old. ​

Family agreements can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when unexpected hurdles like injuries come into play. The OP’s situation highlights a classic tension: balancing agreed-upon responsibilities with empathy for changing circumstances. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Fairness in relationships isn’t about splitting tasks 50/50 but about mutual respect and adaptability” . Here, the OP expects the girlfriend to step up, while she pushes back, clinging to outdated notions that mowing is a “guy’s job.”

The girlfriend’s stance reflects a broader issue: gender stereotypes in household labor. A 2021 study by the Pew Research Center found that 59% of women still handle more household chores than men, even in egalitarian relationships . Her refusal to mow may stem from internalized norms, but it clashes with the OP’s expectation of teamwork in their deal. Meanwhile, Jake’s injury complicates the fairness equation, as the girlfriend now shoulders a heavier load.

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Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes communication to resolve such conflicts. The OP could initiate a calm discussion to renegotiate tasks, acknowledging Jake’s limitations while addressing the girlfriend’s frustrations. Suggesting temporary solutions, like sharing lighter chores or hiring a lawn service, could ease tensions without undermining the original agreement. This approach fosters collaboration, ensuring no one feels overburdened.

Ultimately, the situation underscores the importance of flexibility in family dynamics. By focusing on mutual respect rather than rigid roles, the OP, Jake, and his girlfriend could find a solution that honors their agreement while adapting to life’s curveballs.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew jumped into the fray, dishing out a mix of cheers and jeers with their signature flair. From calling out the girlfriend’s “toxic femininity” to suggesting a bit more empathy for the injured brother, the comments were a lively barbecue of opinions. Here’s what the community had to say:

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OneTwoWee000 − NTA. Chores were a condition of them staying with you for free. He’s injured, she is not so I don’t see what the problem is. Women mow the lawn all the time, having his GF do it is not vindictive at all.

Makes you wonder, if they lived in their own house would GF be mowing to the lawn or just let it grow wild until your brother was able to do it again? They’re supposed to be a team, but she’s complaining about pulling her weight when her boyfriend is unable to contribute. Not cool.

DannyBigD − NTA. As they said _they_ promised to do all chores, _including the mowing_. So with his basketball injury I assume this means they won't be moving out when they said, right? Good luck with that.

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Murray_dz_0308 − When my husband was fighting cancer. I did and still do all the yard work. What an entitled piece of work the gf is. Nothing is men's or women's work anymore. Plus. There are plenty of chores your brother can do while on crutches like dishes and such.

[Reddit User] − NTA. That was the agreement. But if she doesn't want to do it, SHE can hire someone since they don't have any other household expenses.

LadyA29 − NTA, I’m a woman and I mow, weedeat, and edge my own lawn. I also planted a garden and weed that too. She can get off her high horse.

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andreabarbato − NTA. She's displaying some toxic femininity by saying it's a guy job. I guess it's a woman's job not to leech from someone that isn't family, bf or friends 😉

xpotential31 − NTA. Living rent free for a few months in exchange for chores is a great deal for them. There is no reason why a woman can’t mow a lawn.

littlefiddle05 − I’ll get downvoted first this, but I actually think ESH. She’s ridiculous thinking mowing is exclusively for guys (I’m a woman and I do all the yard work in my house — and I’m wearing a skirt right now, so it’s not like I reject all “femininity” or anything). That said, these aren’t random strangers; they’re your family, and your brother is injured.

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I think it’s a bit ridiculous to say that because your brother is injured, his girlfriend now has to do *all* the chores and yard work in a 3-person home. Unless she doesn’t work, that’s just a crushing amount of work to put on one person.

You could have a little empathy here and agree to take on some smaller tasks — like taking out the trash and maybe cleaning the bathroom, or whatever chores you hate the least. A live-in maid would cost you a heck of a lot more than rent for one room within a house.

SamSpayedPI − NTA. A deal's a deal. And women can mow lawns just as well (or as poorly) as men. You could suggest that they start paying you rent if they no longer want to keep up their end of the bargain, or that *they* pay for lawn service if the GF doesn't want to do it, but I'd be afraid that would result in them staying *longer*, not moving out quicker.

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throwawayj38sld − Since your brother is on crutches, is his gf literally doing everything? You agreed for two people to live so they should be doing 50% the work each... are you having a go at your brother for living rent free or having a go at the gf bc you expect her to pick up HIS slack?

These Redditors didn’t hold back, with most backing the OP’s stance but a few urging a touch of compassion. Are they fanning the flames of fairness, or missing the bigger picture of family support?

This backyard drama reveals how quickly family favors can turn into battlegrounds when expectations shift. The OP’s firm stance on the chore deal clashes with the girlfriend’s resistance, leaving Jake caught in the middle. It’s a reminder that agreements need room for flexibility when life throws a sprained ankle into the mix. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes—stick to the deal or cut some slack? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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