AITA for making my brother-in-law pay for his son’s meal after I said it was my treat?

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In a lively steakhouse buzzing with chatter and clinking glasses, a 30-year-old woman treats her sister’s family to a rare dinner out. When her 15-year-old nephew eyes a $190 tomahawk steak, she hesitates, but her brother-in-law insists he’ll finish it. They agree: if he doesn’t, dad pays.

The teen barely touches the massive meal, and she holds firm, splitting the bill. Her brother-in-law grumbles, and family tension simmers. Reddit weighs in: was she stingy, or fair in sticking to the deal? This tale of generosity and accountability dishes up the challenge of balancing family fun with clear boundaries.

‘AITA for making my brother-in-law pay for his son’s meal after I said it was my treat?’

I don't see my sister and her family very often so when o do I tend to splurge on them. I am child free for now and the foreseeable future. But probably not forever. I took her family out for dinner and I said it was my treat. So it was my sister, her husband, his mom who lives with them, myself, and three kids ages 15, 12, and 10.

I took them out to a steak place on their city I always wanted to try. My 15 year old nephew looks at the menu and says he wants the tomahawk steak. I said it was three pounds of meat plus three full sides and he should probably pick something smaller. My BIL says his kid can eat it all and I said it was my treat and that I'm trying to cheap out.

It is $190 for the steak.. I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed. We order and the waiter tells us the tomahawk is usually shared between several people since it comes with three sharable portions of sides as well.. I ask my BIL if he is sure.

He looks at the kid and smiles and says no problem.. We ordered and when the food came out the tomahawk and sides took up almost half the table.. The kid finished less than a quarter of the steak and only a little bit of the sides. When the bill came I asked to pay for seven meals, all the drinks, and all the tip. The Tomahawk steak on a seperate bill for my BIL.

He paid with ill grace. My sister said that he used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see new Spiderman movie. I felt bad but I think that he was an a**hole to try and waste my money. He thinks I'm an a**hole for following through and making him pay for something that mostly went to waste.. Yes they took the leftovers home.

Family outings are like a well-cooked meal—best when everyone’s on the same page. This woman’s decision to hold her brother-in-law to their steak deal reflects a stand for fairness, but his frustration shows a clash in expectations. She offered generosity; he assumed a blank check, sparking a rift.

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This mirrors a broader issue: setting boundaries in family generosity. Studies show 63% of people feel awkward discussing money during family events, often leading to misunderstandings. Her clear agreement was proactive, but her brother-in-law’s reaction suggests he underestimated the outcome.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a relationship expert, notes, “Agreements in family settings need mutual respect to avoid resentment.” She could reaffirm her generosity while explaining her stance, perhaps suggesting a budget cap for future outings. Her brother-in-law might reflect on encouraging moderation in his son’s choices. A family chat about expectations for shared meals could prevent future friction.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s users served up bold takes, mixing support and advice. Here’s what they said:

Algebralovr − NTA. ”My treat” does not mean abuse my generosity. It would have been one thing if the teen had actually eaten the entire thing. You said, if he eats it all I’ll pay. If not, you pay. Good for sticking to that.

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gnothro − NTA. Ordering a $190 steak on someone else's tab is rude and enough to make them the AH, regardless of it was all eaten or not.

Poesy-WordHoard − NTA. I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed.. Enough said. He agreed. He either thought you're a pushover, or that his kid is the quintessential growing teenage boy who vacuums up the contents of the fridge with his mouth in one day.. Also, it's not like your sister, as the other parent, stopped the shenanigans either.

Sajem − NTA. I said it was three pounds of meat plus three full sides and he should probably pick something smaller.. You checked if they should order a smaller meal, the waiter tells us the tomahawk is usually shared between several people since it comes with three sharable portions of sides as well.

The waiter tells your BIL that the meal is usually a *shared* meal. That alone should have been a clue to your BIL. I said fine but if he doesn't eat it all then you have to pay for it. He agreed.. Your BIL agreed to pay for the meal if it wasn't all eaten. The kid finished less than a quarter of the steak and only a little bit of the sides..

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Your nephew didn't finish the meal  BIL has to pay as per specified agreement.. He paid with ill grace.. That's totally a *him* problem - make stupid deals and pay the price - literally My sister said that he used the budget that they had earmarked to take the family to see new Spiderman movie.

Not your problem, if your sister knew where that money was going to come from she should have spoken up before the meal was ordered, she should have known her son wouldn't finish the meal. She is just as entitled as your BIL and nephew.. and that I'm trying to cheap out. It is $190 for the steak

Blanching at having to pay $190 for a steak for *one* person is *not* cheaping out! I think I've only paid close to that when I treated *myself* to an aged steak at a restaurant on my wife's and my anniversary - with *her* blessing. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was treating me to a free meal to pay $190 for one course of a meal - the entitlement from your BIL and sister is staggering!

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aeroeagleAC − People that order the most expensive item because they aren't paying are always the AH. NTA.

Sure-Victory7172 − NTA, fk that sh!t. I would've straight up told the nephew, 'Nope, you're not getting that, I don't care how much you can eat.'. Your BIL is a first-rate a**hole for letting him do it. If I had tried that crap when my one of my uncles was treating us when I was that age, my Dad would've smacked me upside the head right there in front of God and everybody.

Big-Ad4382 − NTA. Also, what kind of man allows his son to order a $200 STEAK and then is mad bc the payment for it “came out of his budget to take the family to see SPIDER-MAN?” If he has to budget for that, then what kind of jerk would just abuse someone else’s hospitality like that? You’d think he’d be sensitive about prices..

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Parkgate1950 − NTA The boy did wrong, and his father encouraged him.

AshlynM2 − NTA. Do they usually try to take advantage of your generosity??? I’m so embarrassed for them.. Hoping this is a lesson well learned.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Let your sister and BIL be salty about it, it was his dumb decision that led them to use their Spiderman movie fund, tell her if she’s upset she can take it up with her husband. Maybe next time he’ll just be quiet.

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These lively opinions make us wonder: do they capture the nuance of family deals, or just spice up the debate? Either way, they show how relatable this dinner drama is.

This steakhouse showdown shows generosity has limits when agreements are tested. Her firm stance honored the deal, but family feelings got grilled. Reddit’s split, but boundaries aren’t easy. How would you handle a family member pushing your treat’s limits? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar dinner dilemma?

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