AITA for making fun of how my coworker dresses?

In the humming open-plan office of a software startup, a clash over personal style turned a routine tea break into a workplace showdown. A 26-year-old woman, proud of her curated minimalist wardrobe, found herself on the receiving end of a coworker’s unsolicited fashion advice. The older colleague’s remarks about her “boring” outfits, delivered with a smirk, pushed a simmering tension to the boiling point, sparking a sharp retort that landed them both in hot water with HR.

This Reddit tale is less about clothes and more about boundaries in the workplace. The young woman’s comeback, implying her coworker’s quirky Hot Topic style was less “adult,” set off a chain reaction of complaints and office gossip. Was her sharp tongue justified, or did she cross a line in the casual chaos of startup life? Let’s unravel this sartorial spat.

‘AITA for making fun of how my coworker dresses?’

For context, I (26f) work for a moderately sized software startup, so our office culture and attire is pretty casual. I grew up kind of poor, and my mom raised us with the mindset of 'we can't afford to be cheap' ie, if you're only going to buy one pair of shoes all year, those shoes better last.

As an adult that's definitely translated into a quality over quantity mindset, so my wardrobe is mostly well made, but pretty minimalist (and I think stylish tbh) staples. There's a woman in my office (late 30's) who mostly wears clothing from hot topic, lots of nightmare before Christmas stuff, tights with cats/other large patterns, lacy and corset like items.

She's made some remarks in the past about how she often sees me in the same few outfits, or how I often repeat things. Usually I just ignore them or brush them off but I have to be honest I was already in a salty mood when I ran into her in our kitchen..

I was wearing an outfit I wear fairly regularly (oversize white button down, black jeans, black boots). Me: Hi (coworker). Her: Hi OP. Me:\*begins making my cup of tea\*. Her: Wearing the same thing again, have you thought about mixing it up?. Me: No, I'm pretty happy with my wardrobe as is.

Her: Continues to talk about how I should really add some color and pattern to my wardrobe, and how my clothes right now are so boring.. Me:(probably being an a**hole) Well some of us just prefer dressing like adults.

I walked back to my desk after that and found out later that she'd emailed my boss (who is her boss's, boss's boss) that I had been hostile to her and was thinking about making a complaint to HR (I told my boss my side of what happened and we're all good, but I'll probably have to talk to our HR rep to give my side).. I know I probably should have just walked away, but I want to know, was I the AH here?

Workplace banter can turn toxic when personal boundaries are crossed, and this fashion feud shows how quickly comments can escalate. The young woman’s retort, implying her coworker’s style was unprofessional, was a jab at a sensitive spot—personal expression. Her coworker’s unsolicited advice, though, wasn’t innocent either, revealing a lack of respect for individual choices.

Dr. Amy Gallo, a workplace dynamics expert, advises, “Address unwanted feedback directly but calmly to maintain professionalism”. Here, both women failed to de-escalate. A 2023 study from the Society for Human Resource Management found 65% of workplace conflicts stem from miscommunication over personal differences, like appearance. The coworker’s pushy remarks crossed a line, but the “professional look” comment risked shaming her colleague’s identity.

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Next time, a firm “I prefer my style, thanks” could shut down the critique without heat. Both could benefit from a mediated HR chat to clear the air.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s take on this office clash was a colorful mix of cheers and eye-rolls, with plenty of wit to go around. Here’s what the community had to say:

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friendlynea - ESH I am shocked at how many people are saying 'well she started it'. Yeah, she did. And that makes her an ass. But you also made an unnecessary comment, bringing yourself down to her level. Also making you a bit of an ass. Next time, all you need to say is 'I don't appreciate the comments about my wardrobe.' There are way to shut people down without making yourself look unprofessional and petty.

SelfawareAimBot - ESH. Your coworker is more in the wrong here for starting this and pushing the issue. If you were going to respond at all, in a professional setting - you need to be professional about it, rather than stooping to her level.

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King_Darkside - ESH. It’s obvious why she sucks. The phrase “like an adult” almost always makes you an a**hole.

xanif - I mean, ESH.. But damn, that was a good hit and she deserved it lol.

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WeFightForever - So while I see where you're coming from, I think you really f**ked up. She can defend what she was saying as trying to make friendly conversation. While you felt insulted, she never directly insulted you. She basically just said 'wouldn't some colors be fun.'

You then went right for the jugular with your response. You basically called her childish and immature (accurate, but definitely more hurtful than 'your wardrobe lacks color').. NTA, but you're the only one I see potentially getting in trouble over this.

herbalbaby - I mean by the end of it you kind of figured it out. ESH? But she had it comin'. Yeah, you should have walked away and if you had real issue with it you could have contacted HR yourself (the 'textbook' way of handling things), but that still would have been a 'AITA for not confronting her myself and just going to HR?'. Good comeback, though. Those are hard to nail in the moment

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[Reddit User] - NTA. Apparently she doesn’t understand that making fun of people can cause that someone to make fun of you. Very out of line to consider HR..wtf.

pinknailpolishemoji - NTA, but saying 'professional' instead of adult could have possibly covered you b**t in an HR setting. You have nothing to worry about--sorry you have to work with such an insecure individual.

boringandsleepy - ESH. I am a woman and my wardrobe could definitely be described as 'boring.' Fashion doesn't interest me and never has. Over the years, I have had MANY well-meaning women (never men) try to tell me I should dress up. I don't know why they think it is any of their business.

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She sucks for trying to tell you how to dress. You suck for how you handled it. That wasn't necessary at all. Everyone should be able to dress how they want without being harassed about it unless a specific wardrobe/uniform is required for a job.

TelepathicDorito - What I think? NTA.. What reddit thinks? NTA. What HR thinks? YTA. You escalated a conflict. You “went there” with a coworker that you’ll continue to see. Such a conflict can make others uncomfortable and lower overall job performance metrics of the office, which is all HR cares about.

Furthermore, you took what she said to be negative when it wasn’t explicitly negative. Its very hard to take “well some of us like to dress like adults” any other way than saying you disapprove of the way she dresses. She went to hr because she doesn’t want to work with you. She may have been looking for a reason to go to hr. You gave it to her.

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These Redditors dished out spicy opinions, but do their takes on workplace shade hold up, or are they just fanning the flames?

This workplace wardrobe war proves small jabs can unravel into big drama when egos and style collide. The young woman’s snap at her coworker’s fashion critique was a bold stand for her minimalist vibe, but it risked a professional fumble. How would you handle a colleague who keeps poking at your personal choices? Share your thoughts or workplace tales—where’s the line between banter and a boundary crossed?

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