AITA for making a budget to show how my niece how hard it would be if she married her fiancé?

In a heartfelt visit filled with hope and naivety, a 19-year-old niece shared her whirlwind engagement with her aunt, expecting support for her four-month romance. Spoiled by a cushy lifestyle and facing her father’s threat to cut financial support, she believed love could conquer all. Her aunt, once cut off herself for defying family expectations, offered to ground her dreams in reality with a practical budgeting lesson.

What started as an enthusiastic collaboration turned sobering when the aunt’s generous financial assumptions revealed a stark lifestyle downgrade. The exercise, meant to educate, led the niece to confront her fiancé’s evasiveness and ultimately end the engagement. This Reddit tale dives into the clash between young love and hard financial truths, pulling readers into a family drama of tough lessons and heartbreak.

‘AITA for making a budget to show how my niece how hard it would be if she married her fiancé?’

My niece is engaged to her new boyfriend. They have been dating for 4 months and she is just 19. My brother told her that he will stop funding her life if she marries him. My niece is pretty spoiled. She visited me last week. I think she thought I would be supportive because I was also cut off because I refused to divorce my wife.

She was telling me who she knew it would be difficult but she could manage because she loved him. I asked her if she had a budget she said she didn't. I offered to help make her one and she was enthusiastic. She didn't know how much he made and when she texted him about it he was being shady and not responding.

So I assumed he would make 16 dollars per hour and work 12 hours per a day for 6 days and 10,000 dollars in tips and I assumed she would work the same hours and make the same amount. I then showed her how much things will actually cost and budgeted them figures in.

I also emphasized that these were very generous assumptions on my part and It is a rosier picture than reality. It still meant that she would have to make substantial changes to her lifestyle and I think it dawned on her how drastically different it would be to date someone without money and be actually married to them.

She asked me how we made it work and I told her that my wife and I had sat down for hours preparing budgets and getting ready to be cut off and we were cut off in our early thirties and already had two great careers and received other inheritances which had helped immensely/ She was sober and serious when she left my house.

She broke up with him and has moved back home. It appears she asked him about his salary and it was lower than my assumptions and that freaked her out and she broke up with him. She is upset and she said I scared her and she really misses him.

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My wife said that I was a bit manipulative with my assumptions as I did know they were more generous than normal and she would freak out when she tried to make a real budget. I did know that and It does make me feel a bit bad. I feel like I played her here.. ETA : I meant 10K yearly In tips, obviously not weekly.

This family saga reveals the delicate balance between guiding a young adult and influencing their life choices. The aunt’s budgeting exercise was a well-meaning attempt to equip her niece with financial clarity, especially given her sheltered upbringing and the fiancé’s evasiveness about his income.

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The niece’s swift decision to end the engagement suggests her immaturity, as love alone couldn’t bridge the gap between her expectations and reality. Financial educator Tiffany Aliche notes, “Budgeting is empowerment; it reveals what’s possible and what’s not” .

The broader issue here is financial literacy for young adults. A 2023 National Financial Educators Council report found that 65% of Gen Z lack basic budgeting skills, often leading to impulsive decisions like early marriage . The niece’s sheltered background likely amplified her shock, but the lesson was timely given her rushed engagement.

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The aunt could ease the niece’s distress by affirming her decision while encouraging her to explore dating without rushing to marriage. A follow-up talk about financial independence might empower her further.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users rallied behind the aunt, praising her for delivering a much-needed reality check. They saw her budgeting lesson as a wake-up call, exposing the niece’s immaturity and the fiancé’s shadiness, with many noting that love alone can’t sustain a marriage without financial honesty.

Some users felt the niece’s quick breakup reflected her youth, suggesting she could have continued dating rather than rushing to extremes. Overall, the community agreed the aunt’s tough love was justified, equipping the niece with tools to navigate adulthood

QuinGood − NTA. You didn't play her. You gave her a badly needed dose of reality. You showed her how to make a budget, which gave her a rosy picture of how her life would be with him financially. It was a much lower standard of living than she is used to..

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It forced her to look a the financial ramifications going forward if she stayed in that relationship.. She decided that her standard of living was more important to her than 'love.'. Thanks for taking the time to explain to her how things work in the adult world.

fernAlly − I guess NTA. Your niece sounds very immature, and probably shouldn't be getting married just because of that. I mean, one minute anything can work because *true love*, and one sobering financial conversation later and she's dumping him?

She didn't even stay with him and get engaged/married later, she just cut it off entirely. Whether or not you were manipulative, it was information she clearly needed to hear, and a delusion she needed to see past.

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hBoBh − NTA, you gave her an important life lesson in budgeting and living expenses. it was her decision to choose money over her new bf.

[Reddit User] − NTA - you just gave her info, what she did with that info is on her. That said... Why are the only options in her head to get married or to break up? Why can't they just date for now?

[Reddit User] − I'm not sure because I'm so confused. You ASSUMED this man worked 12 hours per day 6 days per week? A 72 hour work week? Also...you got cut off in your 30s after already having good careers and you needed to budget plan for hours on end just to make it? Where the hell do you guys live?

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Prof_Fuzzy_Wuzzy − I'm sorry what? She was living in a fantasy world and you finally dragged her back into reality. NTA

CalgaryChris77 − NTA, you were just showing her a bit of reality... that isn't being an a**hole.. work 12 hours per a day for 6 days and 10,000 dollars in tips. Damn what industry do you get 72 hours a week and still get tips?

asianinindia − NTA you saved her. Not because he's broke but because he was being shady about answering her questions. (No comments about the age here)

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ZucchiniCatalyst − NAH, although I think you could've emphasized that there's nothing wrong with DATING her boyfriend if they have a good relationship, even if he doesn't (yet) make the kind of money that would support the lifestyle she wants.

At 19, dating is for fun and self-discovery. She can get married later, when she's got her adult life together. Also, your family is hella controlling about money, so be careful you haven't picked up any 'fleas' in your thinking.

AffectionateBite3827 − NTA. She didn't have to break up with him, just pump the brakes on getting married after four whole months and date and get their lives in order.

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This story of budgets and broken engagements shows how tough love can reshape young dreams. The aunt’s lesson, though heavy, may have spared her niece a hasty marriage. Share your experiences how do you guide loved ones through love’s practical challenges?

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