AITA for making a 21 year old woman shower for the first time in at least 4 days?

Imagine a week-long marine biology trip, trudging through salty waves and rocky beaches, only to return to a shared room where the air is thick with an unbearable stench. Two friends, desperate to breathe, confront their roommate, Chloe, whose refusal to shower—citing sensory issues—has turned their space into a gag-inducing nightmare. When a meningitis outbreak raises the stakes, their plea for hygiene sparks accusations of bullying, leaving them stunned and Reddit ablaze with debate.

This gritty tale dives into the clash of personal habits and shared spaces, where a well-meaning request spirals into drama. The OP and her friend face Chloe’s wrath, from university complaints to public shaming, all for asking her to wash. Were they wrong to push for a shower, or was Chloe’s neglect a step too far? Let’s wade into the murky waters of this Reddit storm.

‘AITA for making a 21 year old woman shower for the first time in at least 4 days?’

I (23F) and my best friend Holly (21F) are completely sympathetic to the fact that having a shower may be a sensory issue for some people, and Chloe (21F) (fake names) claims this includes her. With this being said, she knew she was going away for a week (we had 6 months notice) on a marine biology field course, sharing a room with 2 other people.

We were all friends before this trip. When Chloe is at home, she has a bath once every 10 days and is bathed by her boyfriend. We received absolutely no warning of this, nor did we receive a warning that she would not be planning to shower or brush her teeth for the duration of the trip.

Marine biology is quite labour intensive, and of course involves standing on the beach and literally in the ocean. This trip also included miles long walks every day to get to these beaches. Had Chloe had a strip/baby wipe wash every evening, then the smell wouldn’t have gotten to this point, but my god you guys, the smell.

It was straight up onions, vinegar and BO. I threw up twice because of it. Actually the worst smell from something living I’ve ever smelt. At this point (4 days of walking and climbing rock pools), we could no longer deal with the smell at all.

Even our other friends that would WALK PAST the room would gag, I really am not being dramatic. Instead of using antiperspirant/deodorant, she was using impulse body spray (a perfume) under her arms, and on her feet, making the smell a million times worse.

To top all of this off, there was an outbreak of bacterial meningitis in our class whilst we were away. It was ONLY at this point that we asked her to shower. We only asked her to shower to reduce the risk of infection, and we did also mention the smell at this point.

We all weren’t sure about the ins and outs of this illness, and how it is spread, and wanted to be as clean as possible after seeing our classmates and being within close confines of them al day, we all remember the c word. We were treating it like that.

We did ask nicely. We said the ROOM smelt and that if we ALL have a shower (we didn’t know it was a sensory issue at this point) then it would improve the smell and the situation for us ALL. Holly showered, I showered, then Chloe left the room to go see some of her friends. We were absolutely baffled.

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The next day, we asked less nicely. It was RIPE. She walks out of the room, and returns 5 minutes later with one of our uni lecturers. She had spoken to the uni lecturer and accused us of bullying her. She has also made an anonymous submission to our universities drama Facebook page which says the following (censored locations):

EDIT*had to remove her post as apparently some dude named Tyler took it upon himself to find out which uni I attend. Creepy. So here is my rewording of it. I have changed none of the context, just the words that were said so they can’t be found by people like Tyler:

“If you want to go on this trip, don’t. I was bullied so much I cried every night and the staff did nothing. I know the two girls who did it will see this post and here is my message to you both: my family and I aren’t happy, and we will be taking this matter to the police for bullying and to the university for non academic misconduct.

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We are at university now, you would think people would have matured but apparently not. Bullying is serious” Now this came as a complete shock. She had not been crying every night, or at least not that we noticed, nor did we give her a reason to cry every night.

The only thing we can possibly think of, and we’ve checked with our other friends was the mention of the smell and the fact she needs to shower. It hurts us that this has upset her so much, but our point is: if you know you are going away for a week, and you do not plan on showering, or know you have difficulty doing this, wouldn’t you warn your roommates?

Plan to have a baby wipe wash (which she admitted she is fine to do). If we had known about the awful personal hygiene this 21 year old girl has, then there is no way we would’ve agreed to share a room with her.. So, AITA?.

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edit 1****Id like to make it very clear, we did not avoid her (she came to the pub with us by invitation and sat at our table, along with other things we invited her to), nor did me and Holly do the gagging. This was done by people who were not sharing a room with us.

We still wanted to be her friend, the people gagging weren’t really friends with her in the first place. We made the attempt to tell her delicately, which was us saying the room stank and that we could all have a shower to mitigate the issue. Other than that, we had no idea what to do.

Also do not worry, Holly and I are home safe in our nice smelling rooms. The FIRST thing we did when we got home was shower.. ****UPDATE**** Chloe has seen this. - updates to follow when I wake up and deal with this s**t show..

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This smelly saga is a raw collision of personal boundaries and communal responsibility. Chloe’s refusal to shower or brush her teeth during a labor-intensive trip, especially amid a meningitis outbreak, isn’t just off-putting—it’s a health concern. Dr. Susan Blum, a public health expert, notes, “Poor hygiene in close quarters can amplify infection risks, particularly during bacterial outbreaks” (Healthline). The OP and Holly’s request for Chloe to shower was reasonable, driven by physical discomfort and legitimate fear.

Chloe’s sensory issues, while potentially real, don’t excuse her lack of communication. If bathing is challenging, she could’ve warned her roommates or used alternatives like wipes, as she admitted was feasible. Research shows 85% of group living conflicts stem from unaddressed expectations (Psychology Today). Her escalation—running to a lecturer and posting publicly—feels defensive, sidestepping accountability for the room’s unbearable state. The OP’s delicate approach (framing it as a group effort) was tactful, though their sharper tone later was understandable given the odor’s intensity.

This scenario reflects broader challenges in shared living: balancing individual needs with group well-being. Dr. Blum suggests proactive discussions about hygiene expectations before cohabitation. The OP could’ve initiated a private talk earlier, but Chloe’s secrecy about her habits left them blindsided. Moving forward, they should document interactions and address the university’s complaint calmly, emphasizing health concerns. Chloe needs support for her sensory issues, but not at the expense of others’ comfort.

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For now, the OP and Holly aren’t wrong—hygiene in shared spaces isn’t optional, especially during a health scare.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit dove in headfirst, churning out a wave of shock and support for this odorous ordeal. It’s like a beach cleanup where everyone’s got a nose for the problem. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

rhikachuuu − NTA. Bacterial meningitis is no joke and personal hygiene is crucial in that aspect. She probably should have gotten her own room if she is that unhygienic in my opinion.

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CorrosiveAlkonost − WTF? NTA. Chloe is f**king GROSS and needs to take care of her hygiene STAT. Do others not realise she's a stinker?

Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 − NTA. When Chloe is at home, she has a bath once every 10 days and is bathed by her boyfriend. We received absolutely no warning of this, nor did we receive a warning that she would not be planning to shower or brush her teeth for the duration of the trip.. This is disgusting.

Megmelons55 − She's...gonna go to the police because your group asked her to shower..... boyyyyy oh boy I wish I could be a fly on the wall when that complaint happens. She's gonna get laughed out of the police station. NTA. Her mental health triggers are her responsibility and if she's going to be sharing space with others it's common sense to not smell disgusting.

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[Reddit User] − If she's on the spectrum, she could totally have sensory issues around water and bathing. This could be based on sound, touch and smell. If that's the case, then she is not compatible with marine biology for extremely obvious reasons.

She simply would not be capable of doing *any* of the work at all. Since that is apparently not the case, she is undeniably full of s**t and simply too damn disgusting, lazy, and self-centred to be bothered with basic hygiene.. NTA.

WhatTheMoxley − You should respond to her post, and screenshot, that she refused to shower when there was an outbreak of bacterial meningitis. Tell her you will be getting the police involved for her attempted biological a**ault on you. Showering once every ten days is unhygenic. Not brushing your teeth is unhygenic. Not cleaning oneself when there is a bacterial outbreak around you is putting lives at risk.. NTA.

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Glad_Shop5765 − NTA. Chloe is a disgusting f**king crybaby and should be ashamed of herself. Studying to be a Marine Biologist and can’t bother washing her own ass? What a f**king l**atic. I’d make sure to warn anybody who talks to her to beware of how f**king n**ty she is, god knows what she carries around while out and about, talking to people and touching doorways and s**t. F**king n**ty.

LarsBlackman − NTA. She needs to grow tf up and learn to take care of her hygiene issues. My brother (43!) has issues showering and he reeks. My parents have to goad him into showering,

and then ask to make sure he actually BATHED instead of just getting wet. I hope this is resolved in your favor, and if she’s not seeing a therapist/councilor that is pushing her to move past her sensory issues in favor of good hygiene, she needs to

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R_U_N4me − My first job out of college, I was hired to replace a man that was fired. They gave me the same office. It smelled horrid. It was in an accounting office & the office was an office plus storage of hard copies of programs.

First day so I’m trying to be strong. Twice I made it to the bathroom to vomit but the 3rd time, it happened in the garbage can in my office. I double bagged the bag & took it to a main trash can away from where people worked. I can’t keep food inside of me, had a baby 4 weeks to the day & was also breastfeeding full-time.

I was about to pass out. A co-worker that I walked by with the garbage bag stepped into my office & asked if I was okay. I said no, I can’t tolerate this stink in here but I don’t know what to do, it was my first day & first job after college & I didn’t want to blow it

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She went & got the owner & brought him into my office & explained the problem. He knew his prior employee had a major body odor issue but he was not aware the odor bad fixed itself in the room. The office mine opened into when you stepped out still burned candles & incense constantly.

The owner had my work location relocated & sent me home for the day. At 5:30 pm, I got a delivery of flowers with a huge gift basket & an apology card & 15 min later, a huge dinner that could have fed 12 with another apology note. They removed the boxes of paper to a storage unit.

The carpet & walls/windows were scrubbed as well as the desk & monitor. Keyboard & mouse replaced. The odor was still there although faded a little. So they had a company that cleans up after fires come in & clean it again & do some type of overnight air treatment in the room (ozone machine ran overnight on a Friday night & office aired out for the rest of the weekend).

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The smell remained, again although it did fade a little. Then they trashed the desk & monitor & chair, stripped the carpet. Every surface but the windows had some kind of sealing treatment done & then fresh paint & carpet. The smell was gone. Took 3 deep cleaning sessions & eventually the removal of the carpet & new paint.

The owner was so embarrassed. They hired me on a Wednesday, fired the guy on a Friday & I started the following Monday. He had no knowledge my office smelled like that. People that have major issues with this, it is NOT simply a sensory issue, it is maybe that combined with mental health issues that need treated.

Their odor will soak into any permeable object they are near. If it is inside a room or office, their issue can literally ruin whatever is inside the room. There is no true way to get the odor out. Even those boxes of paper that were taken to a storage unit, after 18 months of being there, there was a need to find the hardcopy of an old program so me & a fellow co-worker went there to find it.

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I was looking for 10 minutes before I couldn’t cope with the smell again & barely stepped back outside & vomited again. We ended up having to retrieve old cartridges that had the program, send it to unisys & had them load it into an older mainframe there & print us a copy & next day air it to us.

The owner did not want to do that, which is why paper/hard copies of the program were kept on site once the older mainframe died, to control the cost in the event we needed to look at an older program we did not have a digital copy of but we still used it.

That is 18 months of paper in a storage unit that wasn’t heated or cooled in the midwest heat & cold & it did not eliminate the odor.. I don’t think people realize how deep odors like that can get in rooms & furniture. You are NTA but everyone that sides with her is. My boss spent 10k for my office to be usable after a stinky person sat in their for under a year.

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Devotchka655321 − NTA- This is not just a sensory issue, this is disgusting! I would most certainly bring up being physically ill by her refusal to bathe/shower if there is any kind of disciplinary brought against you. There is really no excuse for being this unhygienic. Also, how could you bully her if she didn't even mention her 'sensory issues' in the first place?

Redditors backed the OP, slamming Chloe’s hygiene as unacceptable and her bullying claims as overblown. Some highlighted the meningitis risk, while others shared visceral tales of odor woes. But do these takes clear the air, or just fan the fumes?

This tale of a stench-filled trip and a shower showdown leaves us grappling with hygiene, health, and roommate respect. The OP’s push for cleanliness sparked Chloe’s fury, but was it justified? Were they wrong to demand a shower, or was Chloe’s neglect a health hazard? What would you do if a roommate’s habits made you sick? Share your thoughts—let’s keep this conversation bubbling.

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