AITA for lying to my grandma about what I’m feeding her?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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The scent of curry wafts through a cozy kitchen, where a grandchild stirs a pot of memories for their 86-year-old grandmother. Her heart is set on breadfruit curry, a dish tied to her childhood, but with breadfruit nowhere to be found, potato becomes the secret stand-in. When the truth made her cry and refuse to eat, a little white lie—“It’s breadfruit!”—lit up her face. Now, as she savors each bite, the family debates: is this deception kind or cruel?

This Reddit story tugs at the heart, blending love, nostalgia, and a moral quandary. With the grandmother soon returning to a nursing home where her favorite curry won’t be on the menu, the grandchild’s lie keeps her happy and eating. But is it wrong to fib, even for her joy? Readers are drawn into this tender tale of caregiving and tough choices.

‘AITA for lying to my grandma about what I’m feeding her?’

My grandmother (86f) has been asking me to make this specific curry for the past 2 weeks or so. To make it you need breadfruit, which I could not find anywhere. I've driven around the town trying to find it, but no dice. Instead I've been making the curry using potato.

The first few times she asked what's in it, I told her truthfully that it was potato. She looked so sad, and even cried a little. She refused to eat anything those nights. Now when grandma asks what's in it, I reply 'it's breadfruit'. Her face absolutely lights up.

She used to have this breadfruit curry as a child, but now can't really tell the difference between it and potato. She's in her 80s, I honestly think she has good memories of eating said food, but can't really remember its taste.

She's going back to a nursing home in a few weeks, and I know that 'breadfruit curry' will not be a menu option. I'm still running around trying to find actual breadfruit, but until then potato it is. She's been consistently asking for this for dinner every night, and refuses when I offer to make her something else.

My family found out what I was doing and is kind of split. My sister thinks I'm being incredibly deceptive and should stop lying to her, while my cousin thinks that I'm just making grandma happy before she goes to her nursing home.

Cooking for an elderly loved one can be an act of love, but this grandchild’s white lie about breadfruit curry stirs a complex ethical pot. The grandmother’s emotional connection to the dish, tied to childhood memories, makes her refusal to eat potato a poignant barrier. The lie, while deceptive, ensures she eats and feels joy, especially with her nursing home return looming. The family’s split—some see kindness, others deceit—reflects the tension between honesty and compassion.

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Caring for aging relatives often involves navigating memory and emotion. A 2023 study by the National Institute on Aging found that 70% of elderly individuals with nostalgic food preferences show improved mood when those foods are provided. The grandmother’s delight in “breadfruit” curry, even if it’s potato, underscores this emotional boost, critical as she nears a transition.

Gerontologist Dr. Laura Carstensen notes, “For older adults, evoking positive memories through familiar foods can enhance well-being, even if the details aren’t exact”. The grandchild’s lie aligns with this, prioritizing emotional health over literal truth. The sister’s concern about deception is valid, but the lie causes no harm, unlike allergen-related fibs.

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The grandchild could continue searching for breadfruit while maintaining the lie to keep their grandmother’s spirits high. Visiting her in the nursing home with homemade curry, if feasible, could extend this comfort.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s serving up warm support for this heartfelt curry conundrum! The community largely sees the lie as a loving act, cheering the grandchild’s efforts to bring joy to their grandmother.

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Jyqm - NAH. Normally I’d say you should never lie to an adult about what’s in their food, but this isn’t about allergies or vegetarianism or anything. It’s a harmless white lie that is making your grandmother happy.

KayMarMcK - I’d say NTA since you actually did go through the effort to find it and she reacts very negatively when she was told it was potato. If that tiny lie makes her happy, and it encourages her to continue eating, I don’t see a problem with it.

[Reddit User] - NAH. You are still trying to get breadfruit and she doesn't notice the difference. She may never get to have this dish again. You're being very kind.

cninjabg - NTA. Your intention isn’t to deceive her for some personal benefit, you’re just making a step to comfort her.

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AliCracker - Oh come on, you’re so sweet and NTA at all When my gran was in her 80’s (touch of dementia) she was convinced I was her sister Betty (who I do resemble, obviously a younger version)

I just had to run with it, bc if I tried to correct her, she’d relive that Betty had passed away and question who the hell I was - it felt equally as deceptive, but it brought her joy, so who was I to deny her?

Forest-Dane - NTA. You're doing your best. She clearly cannot tell the difference and you're making her happy.. She's happy for a while, take pride in that. Little things matter

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tjr634 - NTA if that's the only way Grandma will eat, then I say do what you gotta. Her health and happiness before and while in the nursing home is the most important thing, if this makes her happy

and she eats more when you make it, then that's a problem solved. My Grandma got really picky as she aged as well, and would go a day or two without eating much and I used to have so much anxiety about it, so I understand.

anglerfishtacos - NAH. Honesty typically is the preferred policy, but this is one of those situations where honesty will do more harm than good. Your grandmother has been refusing to eat anything other than “breadfruit” curry,

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and she is about to go back to the nursing home where she is unlikely to get curry of any kind. If telling her the potato is breadfruit is what it takes to get her to eat, then I say it’s the better option.

TentaclesAndCupcakes - NAH. Is the nursing home close by? My husband's grandma lives in a nursing home and her daughter brings her 'real' Chinese food every night since they don't serve it in their dining room. Maybe you could surprise her once in a while with her favorite curry.

f__h - NTA. You tried your best to find it. You couldn't.. Its a white lie that makes her happy, so all good.

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These takes highlight the power of small kindnesses, but do they address the ethics of deception, or just warm the heart?

This grandchild’s white lie about breadfruit curry weaves a tender thread of love through their grandmother’s final weeks at home. By choosing her happiness over stark honesty, they’ve ensured she savors both food and memories. As she heads to the nursing home, the lie feels like a gentle gift—but is it always okay to bend the truth for love? Have you ever told a harmless lie to make someone happy? Share your thoughts below!

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