AITA for loosing weight for my friends wedding although I’m already the “skinny friend”?

A woman set out to feel her best as a bridesmaid, shedding some pounds before her friend’s big day. But instead of support, she faced accusations of trying to steal the bride’s thunder.

The drama exploded when the bride demanded she gain the weight back to attend the wedding. Was she wrong for changing her body without “permission”? This wild tale will make you question: should friendship come with a dress size rulebook?

 

AITA for loosing weight for my friends wedding although I’m already the “skinny friend”?

It all kicked off when OP, a 28-year-old woman, was thrilled to be a bridesmaid for her best friend Emily’s wedding:

I (F28) recently lost a fair bit of weight and now my friend (F30) is saying I’m trying to upstage her at her wedding. My best friend “Emily” got engaged...

OP saw the wedding as a chance to get back in shape after gaining a couple of dress sizes:

In the past 3 years I have put on some weight, about two dress sizes, it didn’t really bother me until recently so I decided to use the wedding as...

Things got weird during a bridesmaid dress fitting, with Emily acting cold and distant:

This past weekend we were bridesmaid dress shopping and Emily was acting kind of weird towards me, giving me funny looks and talking over me. The two other bridesmaids (one...

After the appointment, Emily unleashed her frustration, accusing OP of trying to outshine her:

Me and Emily live really close to each other so usually after something like this we would hang out for the day at one of our houses. At the end...

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I asked what was wrong and this is when she went off on me. I don’t remember word for word what she said because I was so confused and shocked.

But these are the bits I remember- she basically said it was clear I was trying to loose weight to upstage her for her wedding, that I was already “the...

She said I clearly knew what I was doing was wrong because I was still wearing oversized clothes to disguise my weight loss - I just haven’t updated my wardrobe...

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OP was thrown off, not realizing her weight loss could impact Emily’s wedding vision:

I don’t consider myself skinny but I am the smallest out of the four of us, I also didn’t think about how changing my appearance would affect her vision for...

I’ve never been a bridesmaid before so I don’t know if that was something I should have considered?. So I don’t think I’m the AH for loosing the weight -...

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A follow-up call only made things worse, with Emily revealing deep insecurities and uninviting OP:

EDIT: guys I now know it’s LOSE I’m sorry for my dyslexia, I would go and edit all of them out but 1. I have been told there are many...

UPDATE: First off thanks for all the support as well as all the spelling lessons they have cheered me up a lot.. Not sure if anyone wanted an update but...

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I started by telling her it was not my intent to make her feel any kind of way and tried to explain I had already been on my weight loss...

She started ranting about how I think I’m better than her, how whenever we go out together no one ever looks at her only at me. (I don’t think this...

Here’s where it gets bonkers bananas. She told me that her ex boyfriend (who recently got married) is going to be at the wedding and for a while he was...

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1. That’s just weird and 2. He’s my best friend’s ex and I’m now pretty sure she’s still in love with him. I have been uninvited from the wedding “unless...

Safe to say I now have a new motivation to keep the weight off and shall not be attending any weddings in the near future. She’s always had a temper...

OP’s story centers on a personal choice—losing weight to feel better—that was misinterpreted as a slight against her friend’s wedding. Emily’s reaction, from accusations to demanding OP regain weight, screams insecurity about her own appearance and role as the bride. This isn’t on OP; it’s about Emily’s internal struggles.

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From Emily’s view, she might feel pressure to be the star of her wedding, especially with OP’s transformation. But expecting a friend to “clear” personal health choices or alter their body to fit a wedding aesthetic is absurd and controlling. Weddings celebrate love, not competition over looks.

Psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne says, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support, not rivalry or control” (Psychology Today). Emily’s focus on OP’s body over their friendship shows she’s wrestling with self-esteem issues, not OP’s actions.

Socially, women often face intense scrutiny over appearance at events like weddings. Emily’s fear of being outshined may stem from this, but it doesn’t justify lashing out or issuing ultimatums. Uninviting OP unless she regains weight is immature and escalates the conflict unnecessarily.

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OP should keep prioritizing her health and confidence. If she wants to salvage the friendship, another calm conversation focusing on Emily’s feelings might help, without OP taking blame. But if Emily stays controlling, OP should consider stepping back to protect her mental health.

Looking ahead, OP can be proud of her weight loss. For future events like being a bridesmaid, she might discuss practical details (like dress size changes) early to avoid misunderstandings, but she’s never obligated to get “approval” for personal choices.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The online community didn’t hold back, rallying behind OP with a mix of outrage and humor. Here’s what they had to say.

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Many called Emily’s demands ridiculous and controlling:

Frosty-Wood − "Cleared your weight loss with her"? Is she f**king kidding? That is the stupidest and most controlling thing ever. Some people. SMH. NTA.

StAlvis − NTA But FFS: *losing*.

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TheDrunkScientist − I never cleared my weigh loss with her. LOL, what? NTA

Some shared heartfelt takes, criticizing Emily’s misplaced priorities as a bride:

Money-Possibility606 − NTA. Jesus Christ. I can't anymore with these bride stories. My two bridesmaids were smaller than me - a lot smaller than me. But honestly, that thought never...

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They would have been my bridesmaids no matter what - if they were supermodels, if they were 800 pounds, if they had pink hair, no legs, hairy armpits, full body...

They were my bridesmaids because they were my best friends and I loved them, and I wanted them to be there with me on my big day, no matter what....

you probably shouldn't be getting married. Because you're not in the right mental place to be starting a whole new adult life with someone else. You have to love yourself...

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Cat_got_ya_tongue − NTA. Your weight is none of Emily’s business. The only time it matters is after the dresses have been bought (and even then it’s just about telling the...

I am so sick of brides that think they get to control weight or hair colour of their bridesmaids. Prepare yourself OP, Emily is probably just getting started.

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Others stressed that OP’s personal health decisions don’t need anyone’s approval:

chapter_zero_99 − NTA You're not required to “clear” personal health decisions with anyone, wedding or not. Her reaction says way more about her insecurities than your actions.

Impossible-Pen-1781 − She wanted you to clear your weight loss with her first? !!!?! How dare she! Absolutely NTA and she is being completely unreasonable about this. (Also, well done...

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AilshaBilaiO_o − NTA It's your weight, not attire, so it doesn't need to match her preferences for the wedding. Losing weight is a personal choice, and you're not obligated to...

Maybe she's always been a bit jealous when you were "skinnier" in her eyes. Otherwise, she wouldn't have noticed or reacted so negatively right away. Hope things smooth over quickly...

azaleafawn − NTA, you gotta be pretty insanely insecure to think someone else’s weight loss has anything to do with yourself

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A few offered cheeky advice, encouraging OP to stand her ground:

Strange_Lady − I'm petty, so I would be tempted to make her feel bad and say "I didn't say anything, nor I do I want to now, but since you've...

I think you ought to find a different bridesmaid" No one needs to know that your "personal stuff" is a lifestyle change due to wanting to be healthier. .. But...

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OP just wanted to feel good about herself before her friend’s wedding, but got slammed with accusations of stealing the spotlight. Emily’s overreaction—demanding OP gain weight back or lose her invite—shows more about her insecurities than OP’s choices. The online community overwhelmingly backs OP, saying she doesn’t need “permission” to live healthier.

What’s your take? Should OP try to patch things up, or is walking away from this drama the smarter move? Share your thoughts!

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