AITA For Locking Away His Mom’s Jewelry?

Navigating the complexities of relationships after divorce can be challenging, but for one woman, let’s call her Sarah, the dynamic with her ex-husband, Joe, and his new girlfriend, Lily, had been surprisingly smooth. Until now. When Sarah received a collection of her late mother-in-law’s jewelry, a portion of which was intended for their eight-year-old daughter, Sara, a request from Lily sparked a conflict over inheritance and boundaries that left Sarah questioning her response.

Sarah and Joe had been together for two decades before their amicable divorce two years prior. Their primary focus remained their daughter, Sara, and they maintained a friendly co-parenting relationship. Both had moved on to new, serious relationships. Joe’s girlfriend, Lily, seemed like a positive influence, and Sarah enjoyed her company during family events. However, the peace was disrupted when Sarah received the jewelry, a mix of costume and fine pieces, some specifically designated for her and the rest for Sara.

‘AITA for not letting my ex-husbands new girlfriend have a piece of his mother’s jewelry?’

Throwaway cause family follows my main. I (40F) and my ex, we’ll call him Joe (41M) were high school sweethearts, started dating when we were 17, married at 19, and divorced 20 years later, so going on 2 years now. We have an amazing daughter, Sara who is 8, and has adjusted really well to the separation.

Joe and I get along great, the divorce was amicable and we’re still good friends. Not like we hang out alone or anything, but we don’t argue or fuss at each other, help each other out, and just over all have each others backs because at the end of the day, our number one priority will always be Sara and doing what is best for her.

We’ve both moved on and are in serious long term relationships with other people. His girlfriend, Lily (46F) is great and really good for him. I have never had any conflict with her and enjoy spending time with her when we all get together for holidays and other important events or celebrations. Until last week.

Joes parents passed away within a month of each other last summer and it was devastating for all of us. Even though Joe and I had already been divorced for about a year, they still treated me like family and I loved them dearly. Joe and Lily hadn’t started dating yet so she never met them which is a shame, they were incredible people.

Long story to get to the point but I feel like the background is important. Last week Sara got a box in the mail from her Aunt who was responsible for dividing up my late mother in law’s jewelry amongst the kids and grandkids. She had a huge collection of both costume and more expensive fine jewelry.

I let Joe know about it and he explained that some of it was left to me so when he would come over and we sort through it together. Lily came with him which was fine, it was extremely difficult and we were both very emotional so I’m glad she was there to support him. Here’s where I think I may be the a**hole.

As we were going through the jewelry, we had pulled out a couple of cheaper pieces of costume jewelry for Sara to have now and I had picked out a couple of rings, a necklace, and three pairs of earrings to keep knowing that they will eventually go to Sara as well. Joe and I agreed that the rest of it would be put away in the lockbox that we each have a key to at my house and would stay there until Sara is older and it goes to her.

One of the pieces being put away is a beautiful set of ruby and diamond earrings and necklace that are obviously very real and we believe were passed down from Joes grandmother. Lily had been admiring the set and making comments about how well it would go with the wedding dress she had been looking at (they aren’t engaged) or even with some of her date night outfits.

Joe didn’t say anything to her in response and when she put them down I wrapped them back up and put them along with the rest of the jewelry in the lockbox. Since then, Lily has texted me multiple times asking about them and if she can just “borrow” them. At one point she accused me of just wanting them for myself and pointed out that Joe and I were divorced and I didn’t have any right to keep them.

She has also said that when they get married, the jewelry will legally be part of their marital assets anyway so I’m just putting off the inevitable. I’m not planning on wearing them, per my agreement with Joe, I’ll wear the pieces I picked out and the rest will stay put away for Sara.

I have zero intention of taking any of it out unless it’s necessary and even then, I’ll let Joe know what’s going on with it. Joes has been radio silent and I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to cause any conflict that could have an impact on Sara.

So am I the a**hole for not giving in and letting Lily have some of the jewelry meant for my daughter? TLDR: My ex-husbands girlfriend wants some of the expensive jewelry left to my daughter when his mom passed away and I wouldn’t let her have it, and put it away for my daughter instead.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Inheritance is intended for the designated recipient, and in the case of family heirlooms, often carries sentimental as well as monetary value. When these items are intended for a child, it is the responsibility of the parent or guardian to safeguard them. In Sarah’s situation, the jewelry from her late mother-in-law was clearly intended for her daughter, Sara. Lily’s attempts to acquire these pieces, particularly the expensive ruby and diamond set, demonstrate a significant overstep in boundaries and a disregard for Sara’s inheritance rights.

Lily’s reasoning that the jewelry would eventually become marital assets upon her marriage to Joe is legally incorrect in most jurisdictions. Inherited property typically remains separate property and does not automatically become part of marital assets.

Her persistent requests to “borrow” the jewelry, coupled with accusations of Sarah wanting it for herself, indicate a sense of entitlement and a lack of respect for the established intentions of the inheritance. This behavior raises concerns about Lily’s understanding of family boundaries and her potential impact on Sara’s future.

According to family law experts, inherited assets are generally considered separate property and are not subject to division in a divorce unless they have been commingled with marital assets. In this case, the jewelry was specifically bequeathed to Sara, making it her property, albeit held in trust by Sarah until she is older. Lily’s attempts to gain possession of these items are therefore inappropriate and legally unfounded.

Sarah’s decision to secure the jewelry in a lockbox for Sara’s future is a responsible and protective action. Her ex-husband, Joe’s, silence on the matter is concerning, as it is his responsibility to ensure his girlfriend respects his daughter’s inheritance.

Sarah is well within her rights to refuse Lily’s requests and should prioritize safeguarding her daughter’s belongings. Open communication with Joe about Lily’s behavior is crucial to ensure that Sara’s inheritance is protected and that healthy boundaries are maintained within their extended family.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Alright, buckle up, because the Reddit jury has delivered a swift and decisive verdict, and let’s just say Lily is not winning any popularity contests. The online consensus is overwhelmingly in Sarah’s corner, with commenters labeling Lily as “pushy,” “greedy,” and waving more red flags than a Formula 1 race.

From questioning Lily’s motives to outright advising Sarah to consult a lawyer, the Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back in expressing their disapproval of Lily’s behavior. It seems like the internet collectively gasped at Lily’s audacity and decided that Sarah is absolutely not the asshole for protecting her daughter’s inheritance. Let’s dive into the digital discourse and see what strong opinions the Reddit crowd offered.

Lady_Salamander − NTA. Jewelry handed down to your daughter from her grandmother never belonged to her father, so won’t ever be part of the marital assets. The jewelry isn’t even yours to give or lend. It’s your daughter’s now.

Novel-Sprinkles3333 − She is a pushy thing, isn't she? It is a big red flag, and I hope your ex sees it as such. The greed is really disgusting.

ArmadilloDays − Inheritances aren’t usually part of the marital estate, and your kid’s and your ex wife’s things are definitely not part of a marital estate. Lily is a greedy twat.

Nightwish1976 − Joes has been radio silent and I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to cause any conflict that could have an impact on Sara. Why? This woman might be around your daughter for years. He should know about this, it's definitely a red flag.. Updateme

Objective-Holiday597 − Talk to your ex. Jewellery inherited is not a marital asset because it was not inherited by your ex. This jewellery is your daughter’s inheritance and even if red flag girlfriend wants it, it belongs to your daughter

Stoic_STFU − The jewelry  “Last week Sara got a box in the mail from her Aunt who was responsible for dividing up my late mother in law’s jewelry amongst the kids and grandkids. ”. is not a marital asset in relation to your divorce and it’s your daughter’s inheritance from her grandmother?!. The only one who has rights to the jewelry is your daughter?!

A conversation needs to be had with your ex and documents drawn up to make sure that the jewelry never ends up with Lily - ASAP. You may want to rethink him having a key to this lockbox and her very possibly using a pretext to gain access to what she already assumes and is trying to claim is rightfully hers?! You now know what she’s actually thinking about your child and feels she has the right to usurp your child’s inheritance- so what’s next, Sara’s college fund?!. NTA 

VegetableBusiness897 − Actually the they won't be a part of the martial estate, as they are willed and gifted to her granddaughter *now*. They effectively no longer exist in anyone's estate except your (albeit under aged) daughter's estate. If I were you, I would go to an attorney, get the jewelery appraised for insurance purposes,

and set up a trust for your daughter, to be controlled by you and another person you trust (not your ex, sorry). Start with the jewelry and a small sum of money, have family as to it in lieu of big gifts. Nothings gonna happen to you OP, but if it does.... Your ex is gonna side with the h**py. PS please cause some conflict. Tell your ex that he needs to check his gf

CyberArwen1980 − Tell your ex

Tannim44 − NTA, never “lend“ Lily any of the jewelry, once she has it you’re never getting it back. You have a legal duty to safeguard your daughter’s inheritance, remember that when Lily is pressuring you. It’s very telling that the jewelry was sent to you and not Joe to protect and divide.

[Reddit User] − Apparently his girlfriend doesn't know how to act. They haven't been dating for that long, she never met his mother, it was left for your daughter. She has absolutely no say or right to any of the jewelry. I would definitely consult lawyer just to make sure she or ex can't take it away from your daughter no matter what happens in their relationship.

I would also have a talk with your ex and explain what happened and let him know if this is how she behaves and is going to be this immature especially about something she has no right to or wasn't even involved in then she is no longer to be apart of anything. She didn't even need to be there for any of that in the first place. I would also limit contact with her. They are not even engaged as long as you are cordial with her that's all that needs to be.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, and they strongly support Sarah’s decision to protect her daughter’s inheritance from Lily’s attempts to acquire it. The commenters emphasize that the jewelry belongs to Sara and that Lily has no right to it, regardless of her future relationship with Joe. The overwhelming sentiment is that Sarah is acting responsibly and that Lily’s behavior is a significant red flag.

Sarah’s situation highlights the importance of protecting a child’s inheritance and setting clear boundaries with individuals outside the immediate family, even if they are in a relationship with the child’s parent. Lily’s attempts to gain possession of jewelry specifically intended for Sarah’s daughter are inappropriate and legally unfounded.

Sarah’s priority should be safeguarding her daughter’s inheritance and communicating openly with her ex-husband about Lily’s behavior to ensure the continued well-being of their co-parenting relationship and the protection of Sara’s future.

What do you think of Lily’s actions? Was Sarah right to refuse her request? How should Sarah proceed with her ex-husband regarding this situation? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below.

For those who want to read the sequel: Update: AITA for not letting my ex husbands new girlfriend have a piece of his mother’s jewelry?

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