AITA for letting someone attend our dad’s funeral against my sisters’ wishes?

In a quiet town, a man stands at the heart of a family storm, planning his father’s funeral. His sisters’ voices echo with objections, their grief tangled with resentment toward a young woman their father called daughter—not by blood shared through their family, but through a sperm donation years ago. She seeks only to mourn in silence, yet her presence stirs a fierce debate.

This Reddit tale dives into the raw emotions of loss and family ties. The man’s decision to welcome his father’s donor daughter pits him against his sisters’ rigid views of “real family.” Readers are drawn into a clash of loyalty, grief, and compassion, questioning who gets to mourn a loved one.

‘AITA for letting someone attend our dad’s funeral against my sisters’ wishes?’

I (35M) have three sisters (31-42) and our father passed away recently. It has fallen on me to plan the service since our parents divorced a while ago and my sisters 'don't know what to do' (their words, and yes they're grown women..). Our dad was a sperm donor and it has always been a touchy topic in our family.

He donated solely because there was (is?) a shortage of donors in our country and he fathered 7 kids to 5 families which is the maximum number of families permitted by law. Our dad had a relationship with two of his 'donor kids' that had reached out as adults.

One of them has reached out and obviously offered their support, but cannot attend the service. The other had become very close to our father to the point where our dad literally referred to her as his daughter etc. She didn't have a dad of her own (lesbian parents) and so bonded quite quickly when she reached out.

Anyway, cutting to the chase, his donor daughter wants to attend his funeral service and is just as broken up as we are. My sisters are all against the idea and think it would be 'creepy', 'weird', etc. They all expect me to tell her no because she isn't 'real family'.

But I'd feel like absolute s**t saying no. She literally said she wont say a word to anyone and will just attend the service in silence. She just wants to honor dad, I don't get why my sisters are so vehemently opposed to her presence. Our dad left her some money from his estate so he obviously considered her family.

Anyway, since my sisters left it on me to plan, I told her to come and intend on making her feel welcome. I don't think a funeral is a time to exclude and alienate someone that is hurting. As you can imagine I am now being called countless names by my sisters and also my mother. I think I might have accidently been an a**hole here? Idk. AITA?

This story unveils a family grappling with grief and rigid boundaries. The man’s choice to include his father’s donor daughter reflects compassion, yet his sisters’ resistance highlights discomfort with non-traditional family ties. Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on ambiguous loss, states, “Grief can complicate family dynamics, especially when relationships challenge traditional definitions.” The sisters’ opposition may stem from feeling their father’s memory is diluted, while the man sees inclusion as honoring his father’s bond.

The donor daughter’s relationship with the father, cemented by his estate bequest, underscores a broader issue: evolving family structures. Studies show 60% of donor-conceived individuals seek contact with biological parents, often forming meaningful bonds. The sisters’ “creepy” label reflects stigma around donor relationships, yet grief isn’t exclusive to traditional family.

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Boss’s concept of embracing ambiguity could guide this family. The man might foster dialogue to validate his sisters’ feelings while affirming the donor daughter’s right to mourn. Encouraging empathy—perhaps through a shared moment at the service—could ease tensions.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users brought a mix of support and insight, with some spicy takes thrown in. Here’s a peek at their thoughts:

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280454 − NTA its not up to them to gatekeep who can show their grief, it sounds like your dad would have wanted her there. Just give them a warning but don’t take any abuse, you’re doing the right thing

d0n7w0rry4b0u717 − NTA. Sorry, but your sisters sound like terrible people. Your dad gave 5 families, who couldn't have children on their own, children. It's not like your father abandoned you guys and raised 7 kids from 5 other families. It shouldn't be treated as this horrible situation. He did something pretty great. There's nothing weird and creepy about these other kids caring about their biological father.

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Your sisters need to get over themselves. They're clearly petty and it sounds like they may have been jealous of his other daughter. Your father and the other daughter became close, so it's safe to assume that your father would want her at the funeral. She deserves to be there. She's allowed to grieve too.

DrFolAmour007 − Idk how funerals are in your country, but in mine (France), there's a service at the church which is public. When my dad died it was posted in the special page on the news together with the date and place of the funeral so it's public, anybody can join.

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Then of course after you have a private family gathering where only the people you've invited will join, but the service (the mass) is completely public and you cannot force someone not to come there.. I really don't think anyone that wants to attend a funeral should ever be excluded, so I vote NTA.

Rialspicy − NTA. It's a funeral, not a private party. Your sisters and mum are within their rights to not want someone there, but they don't have any right trying to enforce it, ESPECIALLY when you're the one being left to sort out the whole thing. Sorry for your loss OP

hexme1 − NTA. Your sisters don’t have exclusive rights over the attendees.

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[Reddit User] − I would go as far as to say NAH, death and grief does funny things to people. My dad got cancer and my aunt spent the entire time bullying me as she was so consumed with grief.. Your sisters and mum are probably just grieving weirdly and its making them be possessive.

Sfb208 − NTA. Just cos your sisters don't want to accept another into the family doesn't justify excluding someone your dad had a relationship with. Invite her and tell you full sisters to get over it and stop making themselves the centre of the universe.

BowSie13 − NTA. Funerals are a time for grieving. It doesn't matter how your sisters or mother feel about this girl, she cared about your father and should have the right to go to his funeral.

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[Reddit User] − NTA, she has a right to go to the funeral as much as they do.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Is it a private, by invitation only service? If not, then she should be able to attend. If so, there may be grounds for your sisters’ reactions. Either way, and I know this will be awkward af, but maybe talk to the donor sister

and let her know something of what your other sisters feel so she can be prepared for what might happen. I can’t imagine the feeling of mourning someone I cared about, then having this huge scene play out on an already emotionally draining day.

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These opinions pack a punch, but do they fully grasp the tangled emotions of grief and family?

This story reveals how grief can fracture or unite a family. The man’s stand to include his father’s donor daughter honors a bond his sisters struggle to accept. As families evolve, so must our understanding of who belongs. What would you do if faced with a similar family divide at a time of loss? Share your thoughts or experiences below—how do you define family in moments of grief?

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