AITA for letting my mother live in poverty in her old age?
A 29-year-old mom savored a rare night out at her cousin’s child-free wedding, entrusting her 4-year-old daughter Tanya to her best friend Eliza. A horse enthusiast, Eliza seemed a safe bet to watch Tanya alongside her own little girl, armed with cash for takeout and a plan for fun. But the evening veered off course, stirring unease.
Driving home, Tanya’s giddy tales of “sitting on a horsey” and feeding it apples stunned her mom, scarred by a brutal horse attack at age 8. Eliza’s secret trip to her horse field, an hour away, shattered trust. Anger flared as a simple favor turned risky, setting the stage for a clash over safety and boundaries.
‘AITA for letting my mother live in poverty in her old age?’
A babysitting gig spun into chaos when Eliza exposed a 4-year-old to horses without a nod from her mom. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, writes in The Body Keeps the Score, “Trauma shapes how we perceive threats, often amplifying protective instincts”. The mom’s past horse attack fuels a valid caution, not just a quirky fear, clashing with Eliza’s casual stance.
Eliza, a seasoned “horse girl,” saw no harm, touting her well-trained animals and tight grip on the situation. Yet, her choice to plop Tanya on a horse’s back likely without a helmet skipped a crucial step: parental consent. The mom’s fury flared, branding it irresponsible, especially after Eliza’s initial dodge. Both sides dug in, one shielding a child, the other defending a “safe” act.
This dust up ties to wider stakes child safety and trust in caregiving. A 2023 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics notes 75% of parents prioritize clear communication on activities during babysitting. Eliza’s secrecy and lie breached that bond, risking more than a spook from a horse.
Dr. van der Kolk’s lens suggests a path: open dialogue. The mom could firmly state, “No horses without my OK safety first.” Eliza might rebuild trust by owning the misstep and pledging caution. Sticking to agreed plans, with helmets if horses ever enter the picture, keeps kids secure. Respecting boundaries heals rifts and guards little ones.
Check out how the community responded:
Reddit rallied hard, siding with the mom in a near-unanimous roar. Eliza’s stealth horse stunt skipping permission and dodging the truth drew fire as a trust-killer, with helmet-less risks fueling the outrage.
Horse-savvy users and parents alike called it reckless, noting even tame animals spook, endangering a 4-year-old. The lie sealed the deal: Eliza crossed a line, and the mom’s stand was cheered as a shield for her daughter.
![[Reddit User] − NTA, and I think you know it’s important that you keep your deranged mother out of your life now that you have a little one - your child is your priority and the emotional upheaval your mother would cause for you is not healthy. Your mother has choices. So does your aunt - if she’s so concerned, let HER help your mom.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/261038ac-02.png)
A night of celebration flipped into a trust-shattering saga, with a mom defending her 4-year-old from a friend’s risky horseplay. Eliza’s secret move and denial clashed with parental rights, leaving safety and friendship on shaky ground. Boundaries and honesty emerged as the glue to mend this mess. We’ve all faced trust tests or dicey calls with loved ones. Share your takes or clever fixes below—how would you steer this?
