AITA for letting my husbands Ex struggle when i could technically pay?

In a cozy suburban home, where family photos line the shelves, a storm brews over money and loyalty. A woman, caught in a web of financial strain and accusations, grapples with guilt as her husband’s ex faces eviction. The tension began when her husband’s income plummeted after a life-altering accident, forcing tough choices.

The Reddit user, torn between her family’s needs and the ex’s expectations, wonders if she’s wrong for not stepping in. Readers are hooked, eager to unpack this messy blend of blended-family drama, fairness, and financial fallout. Is she the villain, or just protecting her own?

‘AITA for letting my husbands Ex struggle when i could technically pay?’

My Husband “B” (36) and his ex “K” (34) share 2 kids 16, and 14. Split custody 50/50, no monthly CS but B pays all insurance, med costs, extra curriculars and has to put $150 each in a college fund each month. i have a 16yr old myself. B made a base income, but got bonuses and commissions.

On commission checks he would send K 50% of it, on bonuses he would send K 35%. this was not court ordered but very regular. Well B was in a wreck, couldn’t work 5 months, got fired ( legal, called lawyer). Took 3 months to find another job that could cater to his new disabilities but took a huge pay cut and no more bonuses/ commission.

I paid all bills plus his child obligations, even the average sum of what he sent K extra per month during this time. After realizing his pay wouldn’t recover, we talked to K and told her we can no longer afford to send her extra, as we weren’t making it. She seemed to understand.

During this time period , my child turned 16 and saved up 4k for a car. I have always promised to match whatever they save. This money was already put away. We got a car for 6k, my kid pays her own insurance/gas. B’s 16yr old saw and somehow got K to lease her a car “in fairness”. K did not consult us about it.

The Next month, she hits us up for money. After some discussion, she assumed we figured out the money after seeing us buy my 16yr old a car. We explain that’s not the case, but she got so angry, cursing us, and ended up taking us to court for CS.

The court determined that K makes significantly more than B and she needs to pay $300 a month in CS and reimburse insurance. His past income did not matter since he is now considered disabled. It’s been about 3 months since and K’s entire family is blowing us up telling us how horrible and evil we are.

That K is being threatened with eviction and B’s 16yr car is being repoed. They say it’s my fault cause K only leased it since she expected us to keep paying, that her paying child support means she can’t afford her rent, and i’m spoiling my 16yr old playing favorites.

K also says that my income plays a role since the kids live w/ me 50% of the time so i am horrible to deprive the kids. This makes me feel horrible. AITA here? I could pay but i would not be able to save since i am paying more since B makes way less.

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Navigating financial disputes in blended families is like walking a tightrope in a windstorm. The Reddit user’s situation highlights the delicate balance of obligations and boundaries. The ex, K, assumed extra payments would continue, leading to a risky car lease and a court battle that backfired. This clash reveals deeper issues of communication and entitlement in co-parenting.

Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, notes in Psychology Today, “Clear boundaries in blended families prevent resentment and unmet expectations” (psychologytoday.com). K’s assumption of continued support, despite being informed otherwise, ignored this principle. Her actions suggest a belief that the Reddit user’s income should subsidize her choices, a common tension in stepfamily dynamics.

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This situation ties to broader issues: 40% of blended families face financial disputes, per a 2020 Family Relations study (doi.org). K’s decision to escalate to court, only to owe child support, underscores the risks of assumptions. The Reddit user’s choice to prioritize her savings and child’s needs is valid, as overextending financially could destabilize her household.

Advice: Open communication is key. The Reddit user and her husband should document all interactions with K to avoid future misunderstandings. Setting firm boundaries, as Dr. Greer suggests, protects all parties. If K struggles, she can seek community resources or family support, but the Reddit user isn’t obligated to fill the gap.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of wit and wisdom. Here’s what they had to say, with some spicy takes on K’s missteps:

Mrs_Callegari − NTA, spouses have nothing to do with financial responsibility of a child. The bio parents are responsible for c.s. point blank. And it's her own damn fault for assuming anything. Honestly your husband was MORE than generous before the accident.

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Like REALLY. Had it been me, my ex would not have seen any of my bonus or commissions. She screwed herself in taking yall to court. She made her bed. Let her lay in it. She sounds very greedy and entitled to me.. And yall are doing 50/50. She's lucky she saw anything. I'm honestly shocked.

[Reddit User] − NTA. No good deed goes unpunished. B should never have been so generous.. Of course, that is neither here nor there. Bottom line, this is not your responsibility.. This is also none of K's family's business. They don't get a vote. Block them.

I just love the fact that K was cursing you and taking B to court and yet SHE gets stuck paying CS. Wow! Nothing like schadenfreude. Disconnect your guilt button. You have nothing to feel guilty about or horrible about. K brought this on herself. You should not have to suffer.

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Able-Craft-5130 − NTA. K decided to escalate this and take it to court and she got burned. This is all on her. If she is struggling that much, she needs to speak to her lawyer about getting the child support adjusted. You keep doing what the court tells you to do and keep written documentation of all correspondence with K.

Global-Present8997 − NTA. Also, if K's family is so pressed about it, they can deal with her financial issues.

FntasticJellyBabies − NTA. K played stupid games, and won stupid prizes. You and B were straight up with her, and told her the extra money would no longer be available. She chose to enter into a legal financial agreement assuming she could bully you into giving her the money anyway, then tried her luck with the court system to force the issue.

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Family courts rarely favor fathers over mothers, so K's income must be significantly greater than B's new, reduced income, for her to have to pay him. That's not on you, or B; K was the one who opened that door, and now she has to live with the consequences.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Why are you giving this woman so much power? Sounds like she’s salty her ex found someone new (or just doesn’t like y’all for other reasons) and is trying to exert control over you both.

Janetaz18 − NTA. You didn’t just ‘give’ your kid a car. Your kid earned money towards it and as you said, it paying for insurance and gas. Your husband’s children are not your responsibility. His ex took him to court and found out the hard way that she couldn’t just demand more money. Her family can help them out.

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lapsteelguitar − Is this backwards day or something? K sure has a serious case of cranial rectumitus. It was VERY nice of B to pay above & beyond what his court ordered payments required. And since you told K about the change in circumstances, and reverted back to the court ordered payments, it seems to me that K made a couple of very bad decisions..

1) Buying/leasing a car that was borderline unaffordable. 2) Seeking a change in the CS payments. I can only assume that she did this without a lawyer, as any competent lawyer would have told her that things were not going to go her way.. All combined, K has gotten herself into a hole of her own making.. These bad decisions are not on you or B to rectify.. NTA.

FloridaPoodleSchool − NTA. K decided to get her kid the car knowing you weren't obligated to pay for it. She brought all of this on herself.

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empireOS − NTA. Not even close. I don't even know where to begin. You have gone above and beyond for this woman and she is now trying to take advantage. Utterly sickening on her part. If her family continues to harass you, look into getting a restraining order. But please, for all which is holy, do not give that woman a dime more than you are legally obligated to give. Even if your husband wins the lottery. Not a dime.

These hot takes paint K as the architect of her own chaos, but do they oversimplify the messiness of blended-family finances?

This saga shows how fast assumptions can spiral into courtroom drama and family feuds. The Reddit user’s guilt is understandable, but boundaries aren’t cruelty—they’re survival. What would you do if caught between helping an ex and securing your own family’s future? Share your thoughts below—have you faced a similar tug-of-war?

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