AITA for letting my daughter repurpose a gift I did not like or want?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture this: a quiet evening at home, the glow of a FaceTime call lighting up the living room, when suddenly, a well-meaning but wildly misplaced gift becomes the star of a family drama. A sister-in-law, armed with good intentions and a religious streak, sends a framed poem about “babies in heaven” to a family that’s neither grieving nor spiritual. The twist? The recipient’s creative daughter swoops in, scissors in hand, transforming this awkward, angel-adorned gesture into a stunning collage that now hangs proudly on the wall.

The original poster (OP) finds herself caught between gratitude for her daughter’s artistry and the sting of an invasive gift tied to a long-ago miscarriage. Tensions flare when the sister-in-law spots the repurposed piece during a video call, leaving hurt feelings in the air. Was letting the daughter rework this tacky token a brilliant save or a step too far? Let’s dive into this heartfelt, slightly messy tale of family, creativity, and clashing perspectives.

‘AITA for letting my daughter repurpose a gift I did not like or want?’

Several years ago I had a miscarriage. I do not know how, but my SIL found out about this fairly recently. In a misguided attempt to be supportive, she recently sent me a framed poem about babies in heaven, decorated with angels. It was pretty large, very tacky, and very unwanted.

Not only am I not actively grieving the loss of pregnancy, we are not religious and she knows that. Also, it's just not my style and I don't want it on my wall. Anyways, my oldest daughter is really creative and wanted to use the print itself in one of her collages.

It turned out really beautiful, she incorporated the best parts of the poem and images with other pieces from elsewhere. I know this might sound cheesy, but it actually took me from being reminded of a really painful part of my life to being so grateful for the wonderfully creative kids I have.

My husband got the final product framed and it is hanging in our home. SIL saw this last night while she was Face-timing with my husband, and she got really upset. Husband told her that while we appreciate the gesture, it wasn't really appropriate and he thought that our daughter re-using parts of the gift was better than us throwing it out.

I know this is personal for SIL, as she is very religious and has struggled with infertility. But we are not close and I don't appreciate the random angel baby poem in the mail years after I lost my last pregnancy. It's weird and invasive to me. I don't feel bad about letting my daughter cut the poem up, but I need to say something to SIL to keep the peace. AITA?

This family tale unravels a classic clash of intentions and boundaries, where a well-meant gesture misfired spectacularly. The sister-in-law, likely driven by empathy and her own infertility struggles, aimed to comfort but overlooked the OP’s beliefs and comfort zone. The OP, in turn, found solace not in the gift but in her daughter’s clever reimagining, a move her husband defended—perhaps clumsily—as better than tossing it out.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in a 2017 Psychology Today article, “Empathy doesn’t mean agreement, but it does require understanding the other’s perspective” (psychologytoday.com). Here, the sister-in-law’s gift, rooted in her own values, missed the mark, ignoring the OP’s non-religious stance and privacy. Her hurt stems from seeing her gesture reshaped, yet the OP’s choice reflects a practical, personal boundary.

This taps into a broader issue: gift-giving etiquette in sensitive contexts. A 2021 study by the Journal of Social Psychology found 68% of recipients feel obliged to keep unwanted gifts, fearing offense, yet resent the burden. The OP’s family sidestepped this, prioritizing their emotional space. Missteps like this often stem from unasked questions—had the sister-in-law checked in first, the outcome might’ve differed.

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For peace, the OP could thank the sister-in-law for her heart, gently explain the gift’s mismatch, and highlight the joy of her daughter’s creation. Open dialogue, per Dr. Gottman, builds bridges—perhaps a chat to acknowledge feelings and set boundaries. A sincere note or call, free of blame, could soothe this rift while honoring both sides.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous, with a dash of wisdom! Was the OP wrong to let her daughter snip away at this heavenly gift, or did they craft a masterpiece from a misfire? Dive into the debate below.

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[Reddit User] − NTA I wouldn’t keep a religious miscarriage poem. It’s a bit weird and uncomfortable. I’m glad your daughter turned it into something beautiful for you.

fuzzy_mic − You NTA, but your husband has an untrained mouth. Instead of critiquing the gift as 'inapporpriate' 'better than throwing it out', he could have thanked her for the sentiment and mentioned that while the religious tone of the gift doesn't speak to the two of you

when your daughter saw it, she was drawn to it so you allowed her to incorporate it into her art. Your daughter didn't 'cut up the poem' she 'made it part of her art'. You and your husband appreciate the sentiment behind the gift, your daughter appreciates the physical object of the gift.

awyllt − NAH. No malicious intent on either side, just two different views. NAH.

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SiameseCats3 − NTA. Okay so sending back the poem itself would have been strange since I mean unless it was handwritten no one needs that poem back - I am sure it was not the only copy in existence. Large and decorative frames can be expensive so I would maybe have just sent that back.

But besides all of that there is not anything you could have done with this present except chuck it or repurpose it. Now onto the matter at hand - a woman to whom you are related by marriage - with whom you are not close - heard from a third party that years ago you had a miscarriage.

Despite knowing she has also had infertility you did not seek her out - which should all indicate to her your feelings on discussing the matter with her. Without even addressing it with you beforehand she sent you a large and religious gift regarding the situation.. Personally, I think that’s actually rude.

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This event occurred years ago and she does not know your feelings on the matter - for all she knows this could have brought up horrible memories for you and made you feel worse. And she did not even bother discussing it with you. She did not mention how she learned this information but she knows you did not tell her yourself which could have made you feel like your privacy was violated.

All this shows that this was a present for her and not you. None of these actions show consideration for you. Someone who was thinking about you would have contacted you and not done something they wanted but have either known what you wanted or asked what you wanted.

pink_glitter_1393 − NTA... A gift is a gift. Once the receiver gets it, they own it, so they can do whatever they want with it. You showed appreciation for it, so it is ok. However, shoving religion, angels etc into someone's throat, especially when they are grieving isn't the best move, no matter the fact that your SIL's heart was in a good place.

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minikoooo__ − I would say NAH, however I’d like to add something and I hope nobody misunderstands. There is a saying, and I’m sure you know it as well, it goes: don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Of course you’re not obligated to like a gift but I think it’s very obvious that she was trying to be nice, it was not about giving you something religious to upset you (I know you didn’t say that).

I’m an atheist as well and most of my friends are at least somewhat religious. They ‘pray for me’ on bad days or when I’m going through something major even though they know I don’t believe in those things. That’s just their way of showing that they care and it’s perfectly fine and I appreciate it.

If I were you, no matter how tacky I found the gift I would never tell the person unless it was blatantly obvious that they gave it with ill intentions. Just say thanks and put it in a drawer - done. Messing with it and saying you don’t like it... I mean you’re well within your rights to do that but I don’t think it’s a nice thing to do.

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EdearinglyCynical − NAH. Your SIL did soemthing that was incredibly misguided but came from a place of empathy and kindness and you're under no obligation to put that on your wall. I wouldnt want it either.

It's actually been used instead of being thrown in the bin. She might be upset but she'll get over it. If you have to talk to her about it thank her for the gift first and foremost and go from there. You don't have to explain yourself and she has no right to stay mad for long.

Used_Author1234 − NTA, good on you for having a creative daughter

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susiemay01 − NAH. Be gentle with her. She’s trying, even if you feel it’s inappropriate.

acpaul19 − NTA. If it doesn't bring you joy, repurpose it or throw it out. That works on gifts too. I would love to see the final product though! As for your SIL, she'll get over it or she won't. It's not that big of a deal since you were the one with the miscarriage. Also, once a gift is given, the giver doesn't have a say in what happens to the item. Don't waste your time thinking about it.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Some cheer the OP’s creative spin, others urge gentler handling of good intentions.

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This story weaves a tapestry of good hearts, clashing views, and a crafty daughter’s triumph—turning an awkward gift into a family treasure. The OP navigated a tricky line, balancing personal comfort with a sister-in-law’s feelings, while Reddit buzzed with cheers and gentle nudges. No villains here, just a reminder that empathy needs a two-way street. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Would you stash the gift in a drawer, repurpose it with flair, or bridge the gap with words? Share your thoughts, feelings, and tales below—let’s keep this chat rolling!

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