AITA – For refusing to participate in my future inlaws’ holiday traditions after they demanded I pay 7k?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a chilly December evening, a woman sipping coffee in her modest apartment, her mind racing with worry for her chronically ill son. The glow of Christmas lights outside can’t shake the weight of a shocking demand from her fiancé’s wealthy family: pay $7,000 to join their extravagant holiday trip or risk being branded the family outcast. For this single mom, it’s not just about money—it’s about protecting her child’s future. Her refusal sparks tension, leaving readers wondering: is she right to stand her ground?

This Reddit saga unfolds with raw emotion, pitting family traditions against a mother’s fierce love. The stakes are high, the pressure intense, and the internet’s buzzing with opinions. Can she hold firm against her in-laws’ expectations without fracturing her relationship? Let’s dive into her story and see what the Reddit hive mind—and an expert—have to say.

‘AITA – For refusing to participate in my future inlaws’ holiday traditions after they demanded I pay 7k?’

I (f33) have been with my fiance (m31) for 3 years. This is my first official holiday (Christmas) with my in laws since they refused to include me in previous holidays because I was just 'the girlfriend' and wasn't 'official'. Anyways, My inlaws had a conversation with me about their holiday tradition which is a trip overseas that include the entire family.

They told me that this year the plan to have a distanitation holiday and spend 15 days visiting parks, ski resorts, malls and doing family bonding activities in the spirit of the holidays. It sounded great and I was excited to be part of that but they told me I had to pitch in with 7k...seven thousand dollars to be able to go with them.

My mind was blown because wtf that is a lot of money to spend on a holiday trip. For the record they're wealthy and work high paying jobs while I have a 9-5 job that barely gets me by. I said I was sorry but I don't have that kind of money.

They said yes I do and brought up the money I had saved which is 10k as emergency fund for my 12 year old chronically ill son. I said no and told them I'm not coming don't count me in but they kept pressuring me saying I can't decline to be part of my first holiday with them as they planned to introduce me to everyone,

and more importantly this is a family tradition and I'll be disrespecting them by not coming since everybody will ask 'where's Adam's fiancee?'. I still declined and my fiance told me to really think about it as my son needs this trip and that money shouldn't be a problem since it comes and goes and urged me to take this 'priceless' opportunity to be part of something special that his family do,

and strengthen the bond with them. He gave time to think but I'm not about to change my mind because it's insane to expect me, a mother of a chronically ill child to blow that kind of money on a holiday trip. My inlaws are disappointed in me pressuring me to make the right decision instead of dying on the money hill.

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ETA: I just read a comment that had a really good question - The question was wether my inlaws will be willing to help in the future in case I needed money for an emergency and the answer is no from the way they talk about money whenever I'm present as if I was some gold digger going after their money...It's unacceptable.

Also the reason why my fiance keeps pressuring me to go is because he doesn't want to go alone since his family are expecting him to go and if he doesn't go then his family will start openly accusing me of dividing the family and ruining their traditions. His words not mine. This is what he said to me.

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This Reddit user’s dilemma is a classic clash of values: family unity versus personal boundaries. Demanding $7,000 from someone scraping by, especially a mother prioritizing her child’s medical needs, raises red flags about respect and empathy. The in-laws’ insistence, coupled with the fiancé’s pressure, suggests a deeper issue of control within relationships.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “A partner’s ability to stand by you in conflict is a cornerstone of trust”. Here, the fiancé’s failure to defend his partner’s choice signals a troubling dynamic. Instead of supporting her, he echoes his family’s demands, sidelining her son’s health. This misalignment could foreshadow ongoing conflicts in the marriage.

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Broadening the lens, this situation reflects a common societal issue: financial expectations in blended families. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 41% of couples report financial disagreements as a major source of tension. The in-laws’ dismissal of her emergency fund—meant for her son’s care—highlights a lack of understanding about economic disparity, a growing concern in family dynamics.

For advice, open communication is key. The woman should calmly explain her financial boundaries and her son’s needs to her fiancé, proposing a compromise, like a shorter, affordable trip. If the in-laws remain rigid, couples counseling could help align priorities. Ultimately, her son’s well-being must come first, and her fiancé needs to step up—or she may need to reassess the relationship’s future.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this one, and they’re not holding back! Here’s what the community had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. But I don't think your in-laws are your biggest problem here. You're about to marry a man who doesn't seem to think that the health of your son is important. And how does you son needs this trip exactly ?

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SciFiEmma − NTA. Your fiance can fund it, if it is so important. Or the family could downscale their plans,. I am more concerned that Adam does not have your back here. He surely understands your financial position?

JJohnston015 − NTA. This is not a 'priceless' opportunity. The price for this opportunity is $7000, and since it's a 'tradition', you will no doubt be pressured to do the same thing every year from now on.

PingPongProfessor − My inlaws are [...] pressuring me to make the right decision. OP. Listen. You *are* making the right decision. And I'm very concerned that your fiance is joining in the pressure.

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He should be on your side, instead of telling you that 'your son needs this trip'  my ass, your chronically ill son needs the emergency fund you've set aside for his care. He also needs a stepdad that will take his side -- and I'm sorry, OP, but 'Adam' isn't the man for that job.

Soft-Worldliness-466 − NTA and your husband is showing you how little he actually cares about you and your sons wellbeing. ETA: I just read he's your fiance not husband and I think you should really stop and think if you wanna marry him and into his family.

The whole 'money comes and goes' is extremely spoiled behavior and shows he has no concept about money. There's a good chance he can end up spending more than you guys can afford and get you guys into debt.

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ForwardPlenty − NTA. 'Where is Adam's Fiancée?'. 'Oh, we were too cheap to pay for her.' Huge red flag, run. Fiancé is a major a**hole to not see what his family is doing. If money is no big deal he should dig into his pockets.

And how the hell do they know about your finances anyway, and what right do they have to spend your money for you. If you don't run for the hills you are in for a life of them trying to control you through their money.

hk3d − NTA. I think you have a bigger problem in your hand:. (a) your fiancé is babbling about your personal financial situation to his parents. That is disrespectful to you. (b) your fiancé is making you choose between looking after your son and his pretentious family.

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A more sane person would be like - join us, I will pay for it. Or do not worry, we have money to take care of your son. They have not offered either of those options. I think you may have a bigger issue here and I would suggest re-evaluating your engagement because there are fundamental issues at play here.

As a wife, you are to be expected to pay something like this every year and you would be expected to save up for this stupid trip, every year and they WILL guilt you more then. Also, you will always be expected to pay for both your and your son. I am sorry to say this out loud - but reevaluate your engagement.

l8ego − NTA - $7k is a serious amount of money. Your $10k is money saved which you've put aside for emergency purposes.. Why can't your Fiancée pay this for you? It is *his* family after all.

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[Reddit User] − Why isn't your fiancé offering to pay since it his tradition? NTA OMG that money is for your chronically ill son, how tf does that 'come and go' ????. Edit: chronically ill son, not terminal sorry!

biffmaniac − NTA. It's not really your 'first holiday with them', its your third. They just ignored you for the other two. It's the first holiday where they felt it might be ok to include you. If anyone asks where you are, the answer would be 'same place as the last two years'. There is some AH there on their part.

Many of us can't/won't spend 7k for a vacation and can't take 15 days away. As a 'finance guy', I would recommend that you don't let other people spend your money. And if the story from Adam becomes that you don't need your 10k nestegg because you are marrying him and combining finances, then he could cover the cost of vacation under the same principle.

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These hot takes from Reddit cut deep, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just fanning the drama flames?

This woman’s stand for her son is a testament to maternal grit, but it’s left her at odds with her future family. The Reddit crowd’s rallying behind her, but the real question lingers: can love survive when values clash so fiercely? What would you do if forced to choose between a partner’s family traditions and your child’s needs? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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