AITA For Letting My Boyfriend Struggle With “Adulting” When I Went On A Camping Trip?

The crisp scent of pine and the rustle of leaves filled her senses as she pitched her tent in the wilderness, finally claiming a well-earned break. For two weeks, she escaped the grind of daily life, leaving behind her scatterbrained boyfriend, a PhD student buried in thesis work. She’d always been the one juggling their shared responsibilities—rent, bills, and social plans—but this time, she trusted he’d manage.

The homecoming wasn’t as warm as the campfire she left behind. Her boyfriend greeted her with frustration, reeling from a cascade of missed deadlines and costly mistakes. Rent unpaid, a car ticket, forgotten birthdays—his world unraveled without her guiding hand. Was she wrong to step away and let him fend for himself, or is it time he learned to “adult” on his own?

‘AITA For Letting My Boyfriend Struggle With “Adulting” When I Went On A Camping Trip?’

Their shared life had always leaned on her knack for organization, with her handling the logistics while he chased academic glory. But when she took her camping trip, the wheels fell off his carefully propped-up routine. Here’s her story in her own words:

I've had a busy year at work and my boyfriend has had an even busier time with his phd thesis work, plus part time work to make money. He's very much the scatterbrained academic type, so I tend to deal with the social planning, life logistics, chores, etc... More often. I don't love it and we've talked about taking on more equal roles once he finishes his phd. But he's crazy busy now.

Anyway, I had several weeks of time off that I haven't used because travel hasn't been possible, and I decided to take two weeks to do some wilderness camping and relax. It's a hobby my boyfriend doesn't share at all. It was nice, I was out of touch for the whole time... But when I came back, my boyfriend wasn't happy that I hadn't better prepared for taking care of the basic life stuff.. Including...

Rent was due when I was away. I usually pay it then venmo request him for his share. But sometimes he will pay and then venmo request me for my share, usually at my reminder. Before I went on my trip, I sent him my share of the months rent on venmo. He didn't pay the rent and got a late fee. He didn't pay his credit card bill.

I usually pay his off (with money from his account) each month when I'm doing my own finances. He got a late fee there too. He recently got a new car and the title was transferred. He needed to get the updated registration paperwork after the title transfer went through and sign it and put it in his car.

He got pulled over because the car has windows that were apparently too dark tinted and then got an expensive ticket for driving unregistered.. He didn't remember that he had a friends birthday zoom-party to go to and his friend was upset. He forgot to register to vote on time... And when I got back home, he was really upset with me for 'leaving him with all the stuff I usually help with and costing us a lot of money'

ADVERTISEMENT

I was upset with him because the things like rent and credit card bills happen every month, he should have noticed they are due every month on the same day without a reminder. About his car, his friends birthday, his voting registration... It's his stuff? I probably would have remembered them all if i was in town but I guess I thought he'd know he'd have to keep track when I was out.

I said that it was stuff he was going to have to learn because I can't always be worrying about him, I need to be able to have a break and trust he has the basic life skills of paying rent and bills and stuff. I also said I wanted him to pay all the late fees and ticket and everything, and we are arguing about that... AITA for wanting him to take responsibility and not thinking it's my fault he failed at 'adulting' when I had a vacation.

ADVERTISEMENT

Relationships often thrive on unspoken roles, but this couple’s dynamic teeters on imbalance. The girlfriend’s absence exposed a glaring gap in her boyfriend’s life skills, sparking tension that’s all too relatable. She managed shared tasks like rent and bills, but his failure to step up—despite her sending her share—suggests a deeper issue of dependency.

This situation reflects a broader problem: unequal emotional and logistical labor in relationships. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center found 59% of women in heterosexual relationships report doing more household management than their partners (Source). Her boyfriend’s reliance on her for basic tasks mirrors this trend, raising questions about fairness.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “A partnership thrives when both individuals contribute to its daily maintenance, not just emotionally but practically” (Source). Here, the boyfriend’s academic focus doesn’t excuse his neglect of routine responsibilities. His frustration seems less about her absence and more about his struggle to adapt.

ADVERTISEMENT

To move forward, they could set clear boundaries, like shared calendars for bills or splitting tasks evenly. She might encourage his independence by stepping back gradually, fostering accountability without resentment.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of humor. From calling out the boyfriend’s “mommy complex” to urging her to stop enabling, the comments were a fiery mix of support and shade. Here’s what they had to say:

CantoErgoSum − NTA. If he’s smart enough to get a PhD he’s smart enough to pay his bills on time. You should reconsider this relationship.

ADVERTISEMENT

vicevans01 − NTA, you're his girlfriend not his mother. You're not taling care of an incapable adult, you're supposed to be living with a responsible adult. He doesnt have much ground to be upset that you didnt take care of shared expenses while you were away, and he doesnt have any ground to he upset that he .messed up by being irresponsible.

yuri0kuma − NTA. How old is he? You're doing the finances for ALL his things. Thats not your job, that's not your obligation. It's his. And its your job to pay for your own things, which I assume you already do. Plus, it's not really a vacation when you're doing all that stuff while you're there is it

I understand hes working a lot but thats his responsibility, and he's going to have to learn it sooner or later.. Edit: Plus, he wanted you to remind him to VOTE and go to HIS friends birthday party. Wtf??

ADVERTISEMENT

daiceedoll − NTA Ugh....I'm sick of this term 'adulting' as if it's something that's such a struggle and you can turn on and turn off at will. He's a grown-ass man. He needs to handle his business 24/7/365.

I'd be very wary of getting serious with someone incapable of managing his own life. None of this is your fault, but you may be an enabler. Time to let him sink or swim on this stuff or you will forever be throwing out a life raft to him.

thefoxinmotion − NTA. He's busy all day solving complex problems and he can't figure out a way to put reminders on a phone app calendar? Please. Stop enabling him. Stop taking care of his own bills, stop reminding him of his basic friendship duties, his basic legal obligations, and make that extremely clear to him.

ADVERTISEMENT

He's acting extremely entitled to a huge favor you're doing him. It's clear that he doesn't deserve it and he's not grateful at all. Time for him to sink or swim, because once he gets his PhD, this won't get better and there will always be something else (ie: a postdoc) preventing him from acting like an adult.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You are not his mom or personal assistant.

mattricide − NTA.. Your bf needs to get better at 'adulting'. You're more his mom than his gf it seems.

ADVERTISEMENT

HowardProject − NTA - Your boyfriend just had a two-week wake up call, do not allow that to go to waste. He is responsible for forgetting his friend, for waiting till the last minute and then forgetting to register to vote, for the late fees for things that he should have paid, etc.

If you cave and accept responsibility in any way at this point you should expect that responsibility for the rest of this relationship... He can't blame this on his Ph.D, either - plenty of people manage to pay their bills and take care of their personal responsibilities without dumping it all on their partner even while working on a Doctoral thesis...

CyberAceKina − NTA. You said you're his girlfriend? You sure? Sounds like he sees you as a mom more than a girlfriend. If he can't handle stuff like that, he can't handle a PhD.

ADVERTISEMENT

Momtotwocats − NTA. Why are you acting like his mom? Rent is due. You venmoed the money. Does he need an engraved invitation to pay it? These are his responsibilities. These late fees are due to his responsibilities. And why are you with someone who'd leave you both broke and homeless if you were sick for a month?

Curious if these Reddit hot takes hold up in real life? They’re passionate, but do they capture the full picture of this couple’s dynamic?

This tale of camping and chaos highlights a universal truth: relationships need balance, not one-sided heroics. She deserved her wilderness escape, but the fallout raises questions about dependency and growth. Should she keep managing his life, or is it time for him to step up? What would you do if your partner leaned on you for life’s basics? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s unpack this together!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *