AITA for leaving our friends’ wedding “early”?

The sting of a friendship gone cold is never pleasant, especially when it’s tied to a day meant for celebration. At a lively Scottish wedding, where bagpipes hum and revelry stretches past midnight, one couple found themselves in hot water for slipping out “early” at 11 PM. The bride and groom, once close friends, felt slighted, and months of silence followed. This tale of cultural expectations and unspoken grudges unfolds with a mix of exhaustion, yawning mishaps, and a housewarming invite that felt like an afterthought.

Picture a charming venue draped in tartan, glasses clinking under soft fairy lights, and a dance floor pulsing with energy. The couple, part of the wedding party, gave their all for 12 hours—smiling through photos, toasting speeches, and swaying to the band. Yet, their early exit and a poorly timed yawn sparked a rift. Let’s dive into their story and see where it went wrong.

‘AITA for leaving our friends’ wedding “early”?’

In October, my partner (M) and I attended the wedding of our friends; the groom was my best buddy at university, and the bride was the equivalent to M. We've drifted a bit, but are still close enough to be part of the wedding party - groomsman and bridesmaid, respectively.

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Important to mention that we are Scottish, and the cultural norm is that weddings are an all-day and all-night event. We've been to a dozen weddings in the last five years, and generally they last from early afternoon until the wee hours.

My partner was part of a sleepover at the bride's house the night before the wedding. I arrived at the venue at 1100. The event began at 1230 and lasted until about 1400. Photos and drinks until 1600, then dinner/speeches until 1800. The reception began at 1900; a band played until 2200, after which a DJ came on. We left at 2300.

Immediately after the wedding, both bride and groom began behaving strangely. Bride would rarely reply to M's texts, while groom would outright ignore any contact from me. It came to a head yesterday:

M and I received a Facebook invite to their housewarming party on Saturday, but after checking out the event page discovered that it had been organised for months, and that we had only been invited at the last minute.

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Something about this rubbed us the wrong way, because all of our extended friend group had been posting on the page about the party since early May.. So M decided to text bride, saying the following: 'Hi bride, just got the FB invite to your housewarming.

I think it would be a bit weird to attend when you and groom haven't replied to either of us in months. If we've done something to offend you, please tell us.' Today (24 hours later) she got a reply which said yeah, you have done something to offend us:

you left our wedding early, didn't talk to us enough at the wedding, and didn't seem to be having a good time. M has not replied yet because we're looking for advice on how to proceed. I mean yeah, we technically did leave 'early' - but I'd still consider 12 hours to be a pretty good shift.

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If I'm being honest, neither partner or I find weddings very thrilling; we're at the age where we attend a lot of them, and they're mostly all the same. That said, we both did have a good time - it was a nice event. Neither of us are big drinkers though, so weren't really in the 4am party rager mood.

Also  and this bit is quite bad but I'm including it in the interest of full disclosure - about 15 minutes before we left, the mother of the groom caught M and I in a big 'contagious' simultaneous yawn and err... gave us into trouble? for it, I guess.

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What can I say here? Yes, we were f**king tired! It doesn't mean that I wasn't having a good time, it just meant that my mind was reaching exhaustion point. So we left (of course after saying our goodbyes, we're not savages).. So, are we the assholes here?

Weddings can be a pressure cooker for emotions, and this couple’s early exit stirred the pot. In Scottish culture, weddings are marathon celebrations, often lasting until dawn, with wedding party members expected to lead the charge. The couple’s departure at 11 PM, though a solid 12-hour effort, clashed with these norms. According to Psychology Today, cultural expectations shape social interactions, and unmet norms can feel like personal slights.

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The bride and groom’s hurt likely stems from seeing their close friends—key players in their big day—leave before the party peaked. The couple, however, felt 12 hours was enough, especially as non-drinkers in a boozy bash. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Misunderstandings arise when assumptions go unspoken” . Here, the couple assumed their effort was sufficient, while the newlyweds expected all-night enthusiasm.

This situation highlights a broader issue: communication gaps in friendships. A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 60% of adults report friendship strain due to unaddressed expectations. The bride and groom’s months-long silence, followed by a passive-aggressive invite, suggests avoidance rather than confrontation. The couple’s yawning faux pas, caught by the groom’s mother, likely amplified the perceived disrespect.

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For resolution, both sides need open dialogue. The couple could acknowledge the cultural oversight and affirm their enjoyment, while the newlyweds should express their feelings directly. Scheduling a casual meet-up, like coffee, could rebuild trust. Honest communication, as Gottman advises, is key to mending fences without lingering resentment.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the raw take from the crowd, buzzing with opinions on this wedding drama:

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smileedude − NTA- it's their big day not yours. The bride and groom usually have less than 5 mins to talk to each guest between official functions and you don't f**k with that schedule. If you didn't talk enough, that was on them. I would just not reply. They sound like way too much drama to be friends with.

Tabby_12 − NTA If you didn't have any obligations to help them clean up afterwards or whatnot then I don't really see the difference between leaving at 23 or leaving at 2 or 4. I really don't get brides and grooms who literally let s**t like this ruin their day.

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I truly believe if they were actually having fun instead of micromanaging everything everyone does, they would have hardly even noticed, let alone cared enough to go no-contact for months. Which is just incredibly petty and assholish by itself.

amybroomhouse − NTA - as a fellow Scot I know how we do our weddings and doing the full day is so tiring, but to expect someone to stay right til the end then get mad when they don't is just plain stupid.

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I'm pretty sure they had other guests who left early, especially the older guests and I bet that was fine. It sounds like the mother of the groom is the one that caused this because she caught you yawning and it obviously hasn't sat well with her.

Bawsack15 − UPDATE: We took some of the advice in this thread and text back something like: 'I'm sorry that our behaviour made you feel that way - we had a great time and are really happy for you. We did not intend to cause offence in any way.'

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Bride replied almost immediately saying that she doesn't know any more, and maybe she was just imagining it or being paranoid. We're going to leave it at that and try to let the dust settle.

Something in bride's response tells me that they're not really over it (whatever IT is), but hopefully the fact that their passive-aggressive response to the situation has been called out, they won't be able to continue the cycle of negativity that they seem to have been directing towards us.

We're going to sit out the housewarming (we can't make it anyway - both have plans), but intend to resume the friendship as normal in a few weeks - pretending that none of this ever happened (hopefully).

notyourcoloringbook − NTA.. Also, mentioning the yawn made me yawn.

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[Reddit User] − I'm going with ESH.. are still close enough to be part of the wedding party - groomsman and bridesmaid. I think this, coupled with the mother catching you yawning, is the problem. I'm Irish and our weddings are the same - they're long, drink-fueled, all-day affairs that go on well into the small hours.

It would be extremely odd for members of the wedding party to leave early - and 11pm is very early when it comes to the reception at these things - unless they were ill or there was an emergency. Yeah, its an all-day affair and everyone is knackered, but you stick it out. You're part of the wedding.

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If you had just been normal wedding guests and you said your goodbyes at 11pm, explaining that you're knackered I doubt there would have been a problem. But you weren't normal wedding guests.. The bride and groom suck because of how they've handled it.

Ignoring you is childish and will achieve nothing. If I were you, assuming you want to resolve this, I would have a chat and apologise for leaving early and assure them that you really enjoyed the day. I wouldn't attend the party as any tension will make things awkward, but maybe arrange to go for dinner and reconnect.

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poolswithoutladders − Mate, NAH. I've never been to a wedding where everyone lasted til 12. Usually the wee oldies are shipped into a taxi at 9pm. I think the bigger taboo here is the fact the wedding party usually help in getting everyone else home (especially best man and maid of honour, who should be the last folk standing.)

I think this is more to do with in Scotland we have an expectation of our wedding party members to for example: first cunts on the dancefloor, very enthusiatic, last people to leave the venue to make sure everything is as should be. But if you've never been told or haven't been a party member before there's no way for you to know this.

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I think they've been annoyed that cultural expectations weren't met, decided it wasn't worth losing you both over, but when it's been brought up they've went right back to being annoyed. Now am not gonna' lie, if one of my wedding party left my wedding early I'd be annoyed, but I also wouldn't be a petty d**k over it.

colorfuljellyfish − I’m going to go against the grain and say ESH. They suck for holding a grudge and not tell you their grievance right away. But on the other hand you haven’t really talked about the situation/the cold shoulder you’ve gotten etc either. So I guess you all are the avoiding type.

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However, I do feel that as close friends of the bride and groom and being in the wedding party it is a faux pas to leave early. It sends a terrible signal to the other guests and is quite rude to the couple. I get it, I don’t like to stay too long either. My husband and I ended our own wedding at 11pm.

But they obviously wanted to party with a bang and to have their close friends with them. Everyone understands that grandma can’t stay till 2am. But would it really have killed you to smile and pretend that you enjoyed the wedding party (that they probably paid a good amount of money for)?

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For me, it’s in the same category of complaining about your slightly overcooked beef. Or that the wine is too dry. You just smile and if it’s really bad you eat/drink something else. By leaving so much earlier than the official end you signaled that the event was boring and that the friendship you have isn’t even worth to fake enjoyment.

Instead of leaving, you could have taken a walk, look for a quiet corner to take a break, browsed reddit in the bathroom or whatever else it took to decompress and then show your face again. That they are hurt about your early leaving, shows that they really care about you.  You aren’t a distant great-aunt that they only invited to keep the family peace.

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You are/were their close friends and your actions hurt them. It’s fine that you wouldn’t have minded in their situation. But they did. Now do you want to salvage this friendship? If yes, try to see it from their perspective, to emphatize with their emotions and to apologize sincerely and make amends if possible.

115049 − NTA from what I’ve read. Obviously the bride and groom feel that there was enough to be pissed about and maybe you guys did more than you realized or maybe they are being overly sensitive.

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I think the appropriate course of action is to explain your feelings and reference all the points you made here as politely as possible and say that you definitely didn’t mean to upset them. And ask them if there is anything else. Then, if they are able to explain their feelings like adults and you guys work it out, you go to the house warming.

Chrysoptera − ESH, them a little more than you. Not Scottish, but yeah, it's pretty universal that members of the wedding party are expected to stay til the end of the reception.

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I can understand your friends being a little miffed that you two took off at 11. If they were so bothered by it though, they should've said something long ago, rather than giving you the cold shoulder for 6 months.

These Redditors rallied for the couple, calling the bride and groom’s reaction petty, while others pointed fingers at both sides for poor communication. Some saw the early exit as a cultural misstep, especially for wedding party members, but others shrugged it off—12 hours is no small feat! Do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This story shows how quickly a joyful day can turn into a friendship feud when expectations clash. The couple’s early exit, though reasonable to them, hit a nerve in a culture where stamina signals support. Both sides could’ve talked it out sooner, avoiding months of awkward silence. Clear communication might just save the day here. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!

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