AITA for leaving my three year old son after finding out he isn’t mine and my wife cheated on me?

A man’s dream of being a family man crumbles when he uncovers his wife’s years-long affair and learns their 3-year-old son isn’t his. Devastated by her betrayal and her admission she married him for stability, he walks away from both, choosing a fresh start over raising another man’s child.

His decision shocks his parents and splits Reddit, with some backing his need to heal and others slamming him for abandoning a boy who calls him “Daddy.” This gut-wrenching tale of infidelity and tough choices hooks readers: is he justified in leaving, or is he punishing an innocent child?

‘AITA for leaving my three year old son after finding out he isn’t mine and my wife cheated on me?’

I don’t want to go into detail because I am still not divorced legally. (Separated) Long story short I found out that my child or so I thought was not actually mine. My wife cheated on me with her ex, I found out messages. She had been cheating on me on and off through out our marriage.

Found out too my wife never loved me, she only married me because she was in her 30s and I was a responsible guy that would make a good father. After finding out I was devastated. I have always wanted to be a family man and hearing this crushed me. I have met her ex in person before too. And finding out my son would grow up to look like him well that was too much.

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I decided to break things off completely with my ex. I don’t want to raise another mans kid. And I want to be able to start a new relationship and have children of my own. However even my parents are saying I am in the wrong, that I should not turn my back on my son. I don’t agree, it hurts but I think in 5 years I would have made the right choice.

This painful saga exposes the raw wounds of betrayal and the complex ties of fatherhood. The man’s decision to leave stems from the gut-punch of learning his son isn’t biologically his, compounded by his wife’s deceit. Yet, the child, bonded to him for three years, faces abandonment, unaware of the adult drama.

Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman notes, “Discovering non-paternity can shatter identity, but severing ties with a child you’ve raised risks profound emotional harm to them” (source: DrJoshuaColeman.com). The man’s exit prioritizes his pain but overlooks the boy’s attachment, creating a moral gray area.

This reflects broader challenges in non-biological parenting. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 40% of men in similar situations struggle to maintain bonds post-discovery, often due to betrayal trauma (source: APA.org). The child’s innocence adds complexity, as he’s legally and emotionally tied to the man.

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Therapy could help him process his grief while exploring ways to stay in the child’s life, perhaps as a non-custodial figure. Legal advice on paternity laws is crucial.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s users unleashed a storm of opinions, from fierce support to sharp condemnation, on this heart-wrenching choice. Here’s their raw take:

Delanes_Brain - NTA However even my parents are saying I am in the wrong, that I should not turn my back on my son. He's not your son though. You were lied to throughout by the woman you though you loved and loved you. It's tragic and unless anyone is in your shoes, they don't know how that feels.. I feel bad for that kid, but don't blame you for moving away from that situation.

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[Reddit User] - ESH Your ex is horrible for obvious reasons and im so sorry this happened, it must be absolutely horrible but the kid isn't at fault for that. You've raised him as yours for three years and he's going to see you as his dad and your parents as his grandparents. It's the same as adopting a baby and rejecting them after three years.

Your wife betrayed you, your kid didn't. You can still break it off with your ex and seek new relationships but don't take it out on the kid. EDIT - i'd also be vary wary about the kind of advice this thread will attract.

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You're going to get a lot of people talking about child maintenance payments and birth certificates because this is the sort of issue reddit loves to discuss and has a known position on. You might still find a lot of value in that input but just understand the vein of thought it comes from before putting too much weight on it.

SqueaksBCOD - NTA But reconsider having biological kids. If you are not bonded to a non-biological child after 3 years raising them, I don't think you are meant to be a father. You may think you wank kids, but clearly the bonding that should happen as a baby did not. I don't think it would be any different in the future.

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Siren_of_Madness - ESH except for your poor son. I feel so f**king bad for him. Also, because you're married to mom and are presumably on the birth certificate there's a very high chance that you're this child's father in the eyes of the law. And there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

empurrfekt - ESH I don’t know what the right solution is. But abandoning a 3-year-old doesn’t seem like it. The kid didn’t do anything wrong. And from his perspective, his father is abandoning him. I can’t imagine what it would be like to experience this. But I also can’t imagine the only connection you felt with the kid was genetic.

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PowerOfCreation - ESH. Your wife, for obvious reasons, and you for abandoning a three year old that's certainly old enough to call you 'daddy' and remember you. It horrifies me that anyone could raise a child for 3 years and then just decide they don't want to anymore because it isn't biologically related.

asonginsidemyheart - Man, don’t take Reddit’s advice on a situation like this. Reddit has such a warped POV. Figure it out yourself. I’ll say I don’t understand how you could just turn your back on a child you raised as your own for 3 years. And nobody who’s not OP should come at me with “it’s not his kid tho”, I know that and still don’t understand.. In the spirit of this sub, ESH.

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lollipopfiend123 - NTA. The kid is young enough that he won’t remember you once he’s older. If you’re going to leave it should be now rather than when he’s older and will remember you. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

Justwantetizbro - NTA. Do not let these idiots try and convince you to ruin your chance at finding real happiness to take care of a kid that is not yours. I feel for the kid, I honestly do, but 100% of the fault here is on the mother and OP should ABSOLUTELY not sacrifice his life/happiness for a sham.

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Nixxiliah - INFO; How is your wife reacting to the situation? Also how is your son? As for judgment.. I understand he’s only 3 but to him, you are Dad. I understand right now you’re very torn and you have every right to feel the way you do. In no way TA. I just encourage you to just be present for the boy at some point, not years down the road.

This will be devastating to him too. To him, his dad is leaving him, and he doesn’t know why. I’ve witnessed firsthand kids in the system and foster homes who had experienced this. Dad found out it wasn’t his and bailed. The mom ends up abusive, abandoning them, resenting them, or neglectful. Some cases an abusive boyfriend steps in and becomes the issue.

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There was a little girl who was five and she cried everyday for the week we had her. She was left a year before. All she wanted to know is why her dad left her with Mom. Why he didn’t come home. “Doesn’t he love me?” We told her of course he does.. what else do you say? Then she wails about why would he leave if he did. It broke my heart.

I cried every night she fell asleep. She wasn’t my kid, she was a stranger to me.. but I would’ve done anything for her. She was an angel and was not at fault for the things she was experiencing.. Your son is also not to blame. You are not obligated to care for him because he’s not biologically yours.. but this isn’t his fault. Please, please don’t forget this.

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These voices clash, but do they clarify the moral maze or deepen the divide?

This story of a man leaving his non-biological son after his wife’s betrayal lays bare the agony of broken trust and fatherhood. His choice to walk away sparks debate: is it self-preservation or a betrayal of a child’s love? Family ties aren’t just biology—they’re built on time and trust. Would you leave a child you raised, or stay despite the pain? Share your thoughts and stories below—let’s unpack what it means to be a parent in crisis!

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