AITA for leaving my child one month a year?

In a cozy coffee shop, the air thick with the scent of espresso, a mother’s casual chat with friends took a sharp turn. The Reddit user, a vibrant woman in her 30s, shared how she and her husband jet off for a month each year, leaving their 5-year-old daughter, Sally, in the care of her doting grandmothers. What seemed like a perfect balance of adventure and family love sparked a heated debate, with mom friends labeling her choices as “abandonment.”

The sting of judgment hung heavy, as the Reddit user wrestled with guilt and defiance. Was she neglecting her daughter for the sake of exotic getaways, or was she nurturing her marriage and personal passions while ensuring Sally’s happiness? The online community weighed in, and the story unfolds with heartfelt stakes, inviting readers to question where the line between self-care and parenting duty truly lies.

‘AITA for leaving my child one month a year?’

My husband and I (30s) have always loved to travel. When I got pregnant with my kid (Sally, now 5) we agreed we weren’t going to stop. Ever since sally was born, twice a year, my husband and I take two weeks off to travel. Grandma A stays with sally the first week and Grandma B stays with her the second. It’s a great situation.

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Sally gets quality time with both grandmas, the grandmas love spending time with their only grandchild, and we love it because we get to travel and spend time with each other. We often go to countries that are not super kid friendly, and we like to do things that would bore Sally to death. She just doesn’t have the stamina for a long trip or 15 hour flights.

Before any of you ask, once a year we take a week long trip with her to somewhere nearby and kid-friendly, like lego land or a beach. Anyways, I mentioned to a mom friend of mine how we travel one month of the year, and she couldn’t believe how we could “abandon” Sally for a whole month out of the year.

She said that I was a bad mom for leaving my kid for that long. She told me she could never do that and my other mom friends agreed with her.. So reddit, am I the a**hole?. Edit: changed the name to a fake name, instead of a nickname.

Parenting choices often stir strong emotions, especially when they challenge traditional norms. The Reddit user’s decision to travel without her daughter, Sally, while leaving her with trusted grandmothers, highlights a broader tension: balancing personal fulfillment with parental responsibilities. Both sides have merit—her mom friends see uninterrupted presence as key to motherhood, while she prioritizes couple bonding and self-care, believing it strengthens her family.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, notes, “Parents who nurture their own relationship model resilience and healthy boundaries for their children” . Here, the Reddit user’s trips may foster a stronger marriage, indirectly benefiting Sally. However, her critics argue that extended absences could strain a young child’s sense of security, especially as she grows and becomes more aware.

This situation reflects a larger societal debate about parental self-care. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 68% of parents reported burnout, emphasizing the need for breaks to maintain mental health . The Reddit user’s arrangement leverages family support, ensuring Sally’s care while she recharges. Yet, as Sally ages, her emotional needs may shift, requiring adjustments.

For now, the solution lies in communication. The Reddit user should regularly check in with Sally to gauge her feelings about the arrangement. Including her in planning family trips could also foster inclusion. Parents don’t need to sacrifice all personal passions, but evolving with a child’s needs ensures a balance that benefits everyone.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of support and caution with a dash of humor. Here are some of their spicier takes:

xiamtronx − NTA that mom can just shush. I once had a female tell my friend she was a bad mom for going to a concert once out of the whole year for one night. They can zip it. Also for them to straight up say your a bad mom is terrible and I’m sorry you had to hear that.

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Your in no way a bad mom. I hope you continue to travel safely and enjoy romantic adventurers with your husband. I know grandparents love one on one time with their grandchildren so they can just spoil them to bits.

ToughGodzilla − NTA Having kids doesn't mean your life is over, continue enjoying it. Your kid is well taken care off while you are away. I assume she is happy with her grandmas? And you pay good attention to her when you are around, this is what makes good parent. Don't listen to your mom friends, they are sad people.

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Hellsbellsbeans − At the moment, no because your child is small and enjoys the time with the grandparents. However, in only a few short years you will be TA when your child wants to come with you and see amazing places too. I had a childhood where this would happen for several weeks of the year and from the time I was 8yo I genuinely felt abandoned and sad.. NAH yet, but think carefully how this situation will evolve as your child grows.

gozba − Well, I can’t judge, because I don’t know how the kid feels about it. But my kid came with us on long travels (24 hours of flights) and always enjoyed that. You just have to make sure the activities includes them. Perhaps while she’s growing up, pick some safe countries?

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lincra − NTA, your child is not abandoned, she is cared for by her gradmothers, and you are probably a better parent the rest of the yeat because you get to take a break and explore your own interests. It is incredibly rude to make baseless accusation of someone of being a bad parent.

grimblacow − NTA! People sound jealous. Your kid is having a grand time with their family and you guys are able to connect and bond better as a couple which is important when raising a child.

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ChemicalParfait − I'm going to say it depends on the kid. My oldest is 4 and has spent a LIT of time way from home this year since I gave birth to my second. He is okay for a few days but after the first 3 or 4 days he starts to struggle and get homesick.

My mom is currently our child care, so he is super used to seeing her every day, but he still struggles by the time a few days have passed. You know your child better then reddit. It's not the choice I would make, hut if the kid isn't struggling because of it I wouldn't jump you being TA.

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I do thi k it's important for you to accept that as some point this might just not be possible though. If god forbid one of your parents got sick or passed away I do hope you would adjust. Part of having kids means life changes. That's just the way it is. Your life fits around them, they dont fit aro ull 2nd your travel plans and if they dont like it tough lucky kid.. Overall though I say NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA. I don't think anyone is missing out in this scenario, when I was a kid I'd have loved spending two weeks with my Grandma. As long as everyone on your end is happy with the situation then it doesn't really matter what your friends think.

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argntn − I'm going to say NAH because I get why you do it, but I've got a family of friends whose parents did this except it was one straight month every year, and once they got to their teens (they were no longer at home all day, they had plans,

and friends after school and on weekends), their relationship with their parents became close to non-existent. It'd be different if you couldn't take time off, but if I'm reading this right, you get 4 weeks off on your own and one with your daughter.

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PsychologyAutomatic3 − NTA. It’s not a month straight. Your traveling should not involve child friendly destinations only. That would drive me insane. It’s two separate vacations of two weeks each and she’s with her grandmothers who love her and cherish their time together.

Your daughter will become a well-rounded individual. She will have fond memories of her grandmother visits and be very grateful for them. These adult vacations strengthen your bond with your husband, which benefits your child. When she’s older (young adult) she will be able to (occasionally) join the two of you.

These opinions, from fiery defenses to thoughtful warnings, show the internet’s knack for both cheering and challenging. But do these hot takes truly capture the nuance of parenting choices, or are they just Reddit’s classic popcorn-worthy drama?

The Reddit user’s story sparks a timeless question: how do parents balance their own dreams with their children’s needs? Her arrangement with Sally’s grandmothers seems like a win-win, yet the sting of judgment from mom friends reveals how deeply personal parenting choices can cut. As Sally grows, the family may need to tweak their tradition, but for now, it’s a bold blend of love and adventure. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts—how do you juggle personal passions with family life?

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